2mo ago

I’m planning to teach middle school Spanish, would casually mentioning having a girlfriend cause an uproar?

All the time in middle school and high school, I’ve heard, for example, “My girlfriend doesn’t like that I do X” or “My wife and I did X this weekend”, and since the teacher is a man, it’s seen as acceptable.

Would casually mentioning having a girlfriend cause angry emails from parents, even if I’m not discussing forms of romantic attraction in schools? These kids are like 11-14 anyway, parents’ job to teach orientation (which I’ve heard argued) or not.

Also, we learn relationship descriptions in middle school Spanish if you choose to take it, which includes words like novio, novia, esposo, and esposa. (Shouldn’t matter, especially if the school I teach in is at a non-Conservative community)

21 comments

Why even take the risk? Just talk about something else.
- I'd second this... IMO it's probably good for the students to moderately hear about... but it just takes one curious student to ask follow up questions, and one super conservative triggered parent to blow everything sky high, and tank your career. So IMO... probably not, unless you are looking to get out of teaching and want to do some good on the way out.

For my answer I'm going to assume - because it wasn't all that clear to me - that you are also female and you'll be teaching somewhere in the United States of America. If I'm mistaken, stop reading here.
Kids don't care. If you tell them this person loves that person and that's why they're together, that generally settles that. The problem here is their parents or other influential grownups in their lives ... if they're a-holes or just always have something negative to say about LGBT+, or worse. If news filters through to them and they're fond of the MAGA hat, I would not be surprised if at the very least you'd be heavily discussed in a text thread of like minded parents.
I would like to say "eff it, it's 2025, you do you! Shout it from the rooftops. You have nothing to fear in reprisals." But I'm thinking "sh!t, it's 2025 in America, there is a chance that you will have to deal with a ton of it if you're unlucky." So the question becomes one of your inner fortitude: do you think you can do this job while facing sh!t every day? This ranges from hushed chatter to outright questioning and condemning you for your identity, from kids to parents and possibly to the faculty? Do you want to risk putting quite a heavy load on your shoulders on top of what teachers carry in general? If you say yes, or you can find other work when it gets too much, go for it. If not, I'd be cautious to make it about you. You can talk in general about how relationships are described in Spanish without casually mentioning where you stand.
Personally, I want all of us to live in a world where any of these considerations seem laughable. My gut feeling tells me that we have been closer to that ideal in the past decade than we are today.
- it's sad, that there is nothing in this comment i can't agree on.
  but i think, IF (big one) op is able to eff out when things go belly up, they should absolutly scream from the rooftop.
  thing is, that i know nothing about lgbtq+ in the us. here in germany the nazi party leader is in a lesbian partnership, so take what i say with not just a grain of salt.
  BUT (also big one) this is how the big shit startet over here. nazis are not the real problem. it's the fear of the ordenary people to stick out. people need to realize, that their future will be uncertaint even if they fit the narrative for now. because there is no ending. lgbtq+, jewish, muslim, latino, black, women...
  from this side of the pond it looks like you should think about having a plan b. like leaving the country plan b.
  with that little asterisk in mind, i would say, op should feel the water. what is the mindset of other teachers, children, neighboors? are there other lgtbq+ people? what do they think you should do.
  p.s.: it would be so emberassing if i had to stop reading after the first paragraph of the comment, wouldn't it?

Throw the kids under the bus if a parent complains. "I said novio not novia. This is why Braydon has a C."
- Yeah, only mention it in spanish and then gaslight active who complains

Just in general keeping any relationships away from students is probably a good idea.

If you are in a red state; absolutely not. Do not even chance it. Honestly, you should be trying to get out as soon as possible.
If you're living somewhere liberal; ehhh. It depends. Current administration are shitbags, and all it takes is one of those lil fucks thinking it'd be funny to report their teacher to the feds. If your classes are such that you don't think you'd have to worry about something like that, go for it. As someone who gets paid to talk to a lotta children, I don't really tell them anything about me, but I'm not a teacher and being kind to kids isn't in my job description.

Why even mention it? Just say it hypothetically as you’re teaching.
- Yeah this is the way. Don't let students know anything about your private life.
  On the other hand, give hypothetical examples of both ways, e.g., "if I was going to the movies with my girlfriend, I would say..."
  Or "if I was going see my boyfriend later, I would say..."
  On the other hand, there are probably better ways to teach novio/esposo etc without making it about you, even hypothetically.

Only if she's in your class?
- Even if I’m female?

Does Spanish have a super generic term like "significant other" or "partner" that doesn't convey anything useful?
Side note, the types of parents you would be concerned about are probably also the type that get super racist about teaching Spanish in the first place.
- “Pareja” could work :)

Tbh, ignoring the current political climate, a teacher would be wise to minimize exposing their private lives to students at all, and even co-workers. Just as a matter of privacy and minimizing bullshit. Yeah, you should absolutely have the ability to talk about a partner or spouse equally and without fear of reprisal, but that's a different issue from people just being assholes in general.
Since the current US political climate is rocky as hell, not exposing your private life, even when you live somewhere with progressive policies now, is just a safety issue for one's career.
If you want, and/or are willing, to be a fighter and defend your rights, and thus everyone's rights, that's great. We need people willing to not give in. But, that's never a requirement, and it's still too soon to tell how bad shit is going to get, so I'd at least delay such examples from your lessons if you don't want to take the risk.
It fucking sucks that this is even something to worry about in this century.

Only if you're in a red state.

@AuroraGlamour
You probably want to specify where you're teaching and what type of school to get meaningful answers.
What country are you in, for a start?
- United States 😊
  
  I guess it depends on how much you need to keep that job or career path.
  Can you? Definitely. But where you are based, that choice might have very long term consequences for your career.
  If you intend to continue your lifestyle as a teacher... Yo que tú no lo haría.

21 comments