What's a good way to respond to someone that you were seeing romantically for ~6 weeks, is loosely in your social circle, and you notice gaslighted you recently?
What's a good way to respond to someone that you were seeing romantically for ~6 weeks, is loosely in your social circle, and you notice gaslighted you recently?
Say you realized they gaslighted you 2 days ago, so you asked for time to process the discussion. Now, you have to reconnect to address this.
Edit, the gaslighting behavior: We carried out an event that we had practiced for months. Afterward, we were talking about how we did. She told me that everyone she knew said we did great except for one person that said she seemed a bit off. I asked who the person was. She avoided answering by being tangential. On the 3rd attempt, I asked of she was going to tell me or not. She told me the name of an ex.
Later in the day, I asked why I had to ask 3 times. She said that she was scared I would become violent. I have absolutely no history of being violent or even raising my voice. I'm also not jealous nor were we in any official monogamous relationship, so there would be nothing for me to even say. When I clarified asking, "What would make you believe I would ever be violent over the name of someone that is far away and I have no idea of their whereabouts or even what they look like?" she didn't give any clear answer, stumbled a bit, and distracted to other topics.
To me, the gaslighting was saying that I would become violent.
Edit 2: This was absolutely gaslighting, not a misunderstanding. This isn't the first time she gaslighted me. There were two previous gaslighting incidents. The first one, had me doubt my own sight over something that occurred. I doubted myself and let it slide accepting that possibly I saw things incorrectly. The second one, she tried to have me doubt my own memory of the relationship where I pointed out that she had broken a few commitments.
I know this 3rd one (3 times is a pattern) was gaslighting because of the tone of her voice and misdirection of the topic. The entire purpose was to get me to doubt my reality and perception of myself. She stated it as if I had an angry threatening reaction to her telling me that, something that absolutely did not occur. I said it as I did something else somewhat distracted because she talks a lot about herself, so I was humoring her topic. I only asked because it just seemed weird that someone would say something like that, then I asked because it was evident she was hiding the name. Then she said that our relationship hadn't gotten intimate enough to ask something so personal, so I pointed out that she had asked me for names of people that said something to me about her just two days before and they were people we were both having regular contact with.
She then said she was scared to tell me that she didn't want to answer because I would be upset, which is something that has not occurred before either. I have not reacted angrily to anything she has done since she has known me for several months, even though she has seen me experience events with other people that would justify being angry at.
Then, she asked what she would have to say if she didn't want to answer, which I responded, "Just tell me you don't want to answer." She responded to that, "Oh, I didn't know I could do that." We have both said that we would not like to answer questions in the past. I even pointed out that when she asked me for those names, I stated that I would tell her if she really wanted, but I thought it would be a good idea not to, to which she accepted.
I appreciate that everyone is worried and helping me understand if this was gaslighting or not. Please, at least for the sake of this question, believe me that lived it. She was 100% gaslighting me. I know it in my heart.
OP you need to recheck the definition of gaslighting. It's when someone tries to impose a false reality and make you question your sanity by intentionally lying to you.
What this person did was simply misjudge how you would react to some information. That happens all the time. Just recently my gf avoided telling me something because she was worried I would like her less if she told me. She was incorrect as the thing she wanted to tell me didn't bother me at all. That's not gaslighting, it's just an insecurity.