When I said "afraid" it doesn't mean that I can't touch or drink water. It just like when I try to bath I start thinking about how I can be drowned in water. so basically I am only afraid of water when it comes to bathing. also I can't wash my face because that triggers the same thing :(
So the "delusion of reference" is I feel like everyone is looking at me (not in a good way but like judging kind of way). To explain this a bit more I want to share an observation made by my father. He knows that I have "delusion of reference". I was standing in his shop beside him and I didn't know he was observing me. After some time he told me that he noticed a thing, I was continuously checking if those customers were looking at me or not. He was right I was periodically looking at the customer because I thought they are looking at me.
However since when I started taking medicines I am not feeling that way as much as I used to. I still sometimes feels that people are looking at me but it's not that bad.
If you want to know more about my situation I have wrote almost everything in @schizophrenia@lemmy.ca community.
Persecution for me is like everyone has malicious motive and they are only being nice to me because they want something from me. I sometimes doubt my father hates me because he accidentally turned off the power switch of my server.
Now I know not everyone is against me they have better things to do with their lives but I still feel inside me that someone wants to do something to me.
I don't know if it even makes any sense to you but that's how I feel.
From your post I can say you have delusion of persecution which is a symptom of schizophrenia. You might need professional help if whatever you wrote here is actually how you feel.
to connect to an IRC server you would need a IRC client, the most straight forward way to connect to IRC is using the web interface (https://web.libera.chat/).
you have to send message with !gforth prefix, so for example if you want to add two numbers 1 and 2 you will write something like the following in the IRC channel.
I am male, does it affect more male or something?