dayna @ dayna @lemmygrad.ml

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Joined

3 yr. ago

Mad magazine

🥺

Non-autistic people lie constantly and refuse to investigate unless forced to do so. I don’t believe I am better, but I do believe I am different in a way that is independent of the material conditions outside of my body. The process of forming beliefs is significantly different for me and people similar to myself. Honestly it can be frightening watching allistic people actively choose to deny reality or choose their own in real time.

I am obsessed with truth and justice often to my own detriment and it has been that way from my very earliest memories. I cannot say that most people cannot be changed, they can, but it’s exhausting having to think for allistic people all the time. I have to hold their hand and walk them step by step through the mental labor they refuse to do. On top of already being disabled. I have to teach them how to be people, how to process ideas, how to learn and grow, so that they can be my friends. It’s like I inhabit a world of moldable living clay.

I know the Sankara quote that we are not allowed to say we are tired of explaining, but god am I tired. That’s why I like it here so much. On average there are fewer unchecked assumptions here.

I ate all your chips while you were out at work 🥺

Looks nice to me. Basing design decisions on contrarianism is silly. If you don’t like it that’s alright. Disliking it because it looks like something else that also looks good is silly.

We just fished a fire shark!

I could ruin your retinas 👉👈

I don’t wanna be the best person that’s ever lived. I just wanna be the best person my friends know.

They do but I like them

This is me

So I’m a meet and have been for a while.

I have had rich people take care of me and I am grateful, but it’s not entirely by choice. At least not for me.

I’m too disabled to integrate into society, but not disabled enough to receive support. Living as a sugar baby is the most stable my life has ever been during adulthood, and it gives me the room I need to work on my ptsd.

What I think is wild is how it takes an incredible amount of time, and basically zero responsibilities for me to work through my trauma, and basically no one else gets that opportunity. They just die basically.

I want people to work 5 hours a week, and all society progress to slow. Just redistribute everything and we’d be fine as a planet. 😔

Another thing I was thinking about. I have you cornered and now I’m gonna autistic rant at you. So I used to think that being a chaser simply meant finding a trans person attractive. I was really worried that I was being a chaser by being attracted to my girlfriend. She also had the same thought of herself as a chaser for being attracted to me.

However, I just got

Men can be so confusingly gross that I fail to even perceive their existence until it smacks me in the face.

Well you probably have a point. Thanks for listening to me. I wonder if this will be insightful for non-autistic or not. I think men specifically are so genuinely shitty that the things that women complain about them doing don’t even really register for me as actual choices, and I often misunderstand because of that. (I am a woman too, but I feel like I’m outside of humanity, so that’s why I talk like that)

I agree. What I mean to point out, is that I am not physically capable of not reacting. I don’t want to react, I don’t want to be consumed, but if a hot person enters my field of view, I will often have an involuntary and noticeable reaction. Typically when this happens I will leave wherever I am and go home.

This happened in a bar for example, and after seeing this person, and obviously stopping what I was saying mid sentence, and being visibly very uncomfortable, I turned to my girlfriend and told her that I had to leave. I felt sick and nauseous for a few hours afterward.

I relate to the discrepancy between my desire to not be strongly affected by the people around me, and also not show any reaction, and my physical or mental incapability of doing so. The guy in the story is one who feels grossed out by their own body, and wishes they weren’t affected the way that they are. I am similar, not only do I feel guilty for potentially making people uncomfortable, but I feel physically sick because they can be so intense. That doesn’t mean I or the man in the story are carelessly checking people out constantly.

Again though, I’m so disabled by autism that I will likely never be capable of living independently, so your and my experiences of the world could be vastly different. You probably understand your average man better than I ever could.

do wonder if a person like me will ever truly have a place in larger society. Autistics who cannot predict or control violent physical meltdowns are obviously not monsters, and it’s obviously not their moral liability for being disabled, but we can also recognize, as they usually do, that it is dangerous to be around them. (From taking to other autistics with those struggles, they all said that was how they felt).

I can recognize that possibly a person like me shouldn’t participate in social events, because me being around people shouldn’t have to come at the cost of making other people suffer. I’ve honestly mostly accepted that I am kind of a blight. I just try to stay out of society as much as I can and still survive.

Edit: seeing hot people in person can instantly trigger an autistic shutdown/meltdown in me and ever though I’m not trying to check people out, it is impossible to hide when I happen to notice hot people. Doesn’t happen every time, but it is deeply humiliating every time it happens.

I am autistic so my mental experience is going to be different from your average person so that’s important to take into account. Not necessarily disagreeing with you I just wanna point out that for a new individual like me I gained Debilitating level of sexual attraction at age 8 that has never lessened. I don’t mean this as a joke, but I genuinely feel like viscerally sick because of the overwhelming amount of adrenaline that pumps through my body when I see people who are hot. I can taste the adrenaline on my blood in my mouth.

I was really hoping that going on HRT would lessen or eliminate this feeling, but unfortunately it didn’t. I still feel exactly the same level of intensity. So I guess I want to say two things first I think you’re totally correct that transitioning doesn’t actually change your sexuality that much except that I’m a little more attracted to men than I was before, And I’m more sappy in general. Secondly, I do wanna point out that there are some people who, even after a lifetime of attempting to lessen their sexuality are unable to do so. I’ve been looking into chemical castration to potentially lessen it, but I would have to get it illegally because doctors won’t prescribe it.

I’m happy for you but also intensely jealous. 😭

I’m autistic, and I wish every part of my day was like this.

That’s a lot of words to say that you can’t read

🥺

This post on every comment on it is completely incomprehensible.