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I'm jealous of the life my wife has
  • I actually like my job.

    I just have never had a place/coworkers that actually went out of their way to tell me that they appreciate me. My wife doesn’t compliment me ever, and now I have an extreme imbalance of responsibility and tasks.

  • I'm jealous of the life my wife has
  • I was already doing most everyone of these things. Now, they’re just permanently mine and mine only.

    Now, I have to give up even more for her inflexible schedule.

    It’s the entitlement she has that is the problem.

  • I'm jealous of the life my wife has

    Right now, my wife is finishing up her last day of work at her current job. Her boss has been on again/off again toxic and she had enough. She’s got another job lined up right away on Monday.

    The past two weeks since she put her notice in, it’s been nothing but a torrent of praise of all of her contributions. Every day she’s been emotional about someone telling her how much they value her and are going to miss her. Taking her out to lunches, numerous emails and texts of positive affirmation.

    Her new job comes with a HUGE sacrifice on my end. Not only do I have to do school pickups for our four kids, I had to forgo my remote days (2x a week), so I can depart an hour or so earlier to be the one to pick them up every day. Now I also have the sole responsibility to bring them to appointments.

    Now, here’s what falls on my plate:

    • Morning school prep (Make Breakfast, Lunches)
    • Pickups
    • if children are sick, I have to be the one to work from home/PTO
    • Dinner, given she will just be getting done at work
    • Homework supervision
    • Bedtime routines
    • Cleaning

    On top of this, she wants more things off of her plate, like playdate organization and activity planning.

    I’m super hurt by this. And she thinks I’m not supportive of the job change for her. What she doesn’t realize is that my anxiety is through the roof of managing even more things while being the primary breadwinner.

    It’s so unfair.

    She gets complimented for everything she does. No one ever thanked me for my time at work, usually just a brief “see ya”.

    She gets less and less on her plate, pretty much by brute force. “About time, husbands don’t realize how good they have it.”

    She gets everything she wants. Time, space, possessions. She’s the gatekeeper of our intimacy and doesn’t desire me.

    I’m always concerned for her, and compliment and reassure her of any insecurities. She will not even flinch if I have an anxiety attack.

    I just want to scream.

    25
    Dying inside
  • No. But she knows how frustrated I am as well.

    I can’t change the past, and progress to right a wrong is way longer than it takes to lose trust. However, I don’t know how much longer I can take not feeling like I’m worth the effort, the same effort that gave us four awesome children.

    I feel a huge gaping hole in my heart each and every day, and she knows this. So, I’m going to go to my therapy that I’ve gone to off and on for 8 years, get in the best physical shape I’ve ever been in, and find a way to find contentment in a shitty environment.

  • Dying inside

    It’s been a year, and me (39M) and my wife (36F) have been intimate twice, separated by nearly six months apart.

    I know our relationship has had issues, with financial stress and financial infidelity (5+ years ago, I withheld how bad our cash flow was, using debt to maintain our lifestyle). She has been stressed at her job of 3 years, and now she’s gotten a job that strictly is 8:30-5:30, with no carryover into her personal life.

    She can’t let go of the pain I caused her. She feels she hasn’t had time to do so since she started working 5 years ago to help gain a foothold on finances.

    This carries over to the bedroom. She has always had a lower libido, but it’s straight turned off. I don’t know how someone in a relationship can possibly handle that long (6+ months) without masturbation or intercourse.

    At this point, it’s a huge pain point for us. She knows I desperately want to connect physically, but it feels like the path to her healing is a chicken or the egg dynamic. However, sex is unilaterally off if I’m trying to initiate.

    Since I’m batting well below the Mendoza line, I told her I’ve had enough and I’m not pursuing her in bed going forward. The straw was my birthday. I spent the entire day trying to take her on a date and be romantic…not even a kiss or hug.

    I just feel like I’m dying inside. I’m literally giving it six months or I’m filing for divorce. That will be her birthday present if we can’t find common ground. I would rather live in a shack, mired in debt and alone, seeing our four kids every now and then, then be this fucking miserable every night.

    How the fuck do people cope with this?

    8
    Bipolar Community Weekly Checkin August 11-18th - How are you doing?
  • Ehh, better than last week.

    Final appt coming up in two weeks with my therapist of 3ish years. Still nervous about potential waiting lists.

    Got soft diagnosed with BPD today. Explains a lot of my ups and downs on a short term basis.

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    Sea_Foam_Green @lemmy.world
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