Relationship Advice

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I don't have any issue talking to girls when the intent is not romantic/sexual. OK I have met someone, first few conversations went alright, how do I transition to something else without being embarrassed and feeling like a dick? Like, if I want to say something technical or communicate for something else, everything is fine. Otherwise, I feel very embarrassed and feel like I will be disgusting to her if I said something... I guess it is me trying to be OK with everyone and not have more people hate me... I don't know if I can take any more people hating me... makes me feel worthless...

so I have a very bad experience with girl best friend situations from my ex boyfriend. Which was also one of the many reasons why I broke up with him. Basically putting her first, her calling in the middle of the night to ask him to drive her home from the city (which he did) and much more. It just left a really bad taste in my mouth.

Fast forward to my now boyfriend who I adore a lot. He’s a sweetheart and treats me very well. We live in different countries which is a 5 hour train ride to see each other. We started texting through Tinder and have been together for a year and three months now. I knew from the beginning that he has a girl friend who is also his ex. She was a very big problem at the beginning and had a lot of fights because of my bad experience. They would text all the time, had two trips booked when we weren’t together yet, she also tried to call in the middle of the night cause she had a bad high, she would send almost 3 minute long audios, etc. She lives in my home country and when they used to be together they wouldn’t see each other often cause the travel there would take around 12 hours. We see each other almost every weekend. Last time they’ve seen each other was in December 2023 cause I was okay with them meeting somewhere in the middle for a few hours while he was at my place for New Years. He really wanted me to come with him but I had already made plans with friends at the time. The situation got a lot better now and I feel more confident in our relationship. He would be happy if we could meet up together at some point and I’m a bit nervous about it. They have been close friends and have a lot in common. Do you guys have any tips on how to handle this situation when it’s time for meeting her, what to do and not to do,….. how do I handle this?

I'm conflicted. I have a parent who's dying. I feel the void of the parenting I was supposed to receive. They never fulfilled any of the obligations I consider appropriate. I'm a parent, now. They did none of the things I'm doing for my kids.

On some level, I know the expectation is that I should feel sad. There's literally no realistic expectation that they'll turn a new leaf in their 70's and suddenly become a decent human being. Maybe there's a 1 in a million chance, but when they die, that's definitively 0. I want them to turn a new leaf, but I know it's unrealistic. I get jealous (and keep it to myself) when my friends and family have their parents in their lives.

On the other hand, they are literally the worst person in my life. I've never had anyone treat me as badly and fail me so hard as they have. I haven't spoken to them in years. They literally don't understand why, because they're a narcissist. Very "missing, missing reasons" kind of person.

So I'm conflicted. I have tons of evidence that they suck, but there's still a part of me that craves a parent actually being there. Part of me thinks I should feel bad when anyone suffers and passes away, but another part of me is borderline relieved.

I typically don't care about things like hairstyle, makeup or clothes. But my wife has started giving herself a buzz cut and I simply hate it. I told her and she grew it out for a while, but she said longer hair was making her depressed and it needed to be a buzz cut. She said it just looks like her when she sees it. Part of me thinks that's gender euphoria and she's just around the corner from realising that she's trans. I would not be comfortable continuing the relationship in that case. (She has said she feels a-gender but not male).

I've tried to tolerate it, but I dislike looking at her now and it's contributing to me being depressed now. I don't want these feelings every time I look at my wife.

We've generally had a good relationship over about one and a half decades, with two young children. We're also codependent and own a house together.

It would make things difficult if we separate. I really don't want to separate just because of a haircut, but I've definitely been thinking about it. I just don't know what to do.

So I'm not sure if I can or should continue my relationship with my fiance or try to fix things. We've been together for two years now. When we first started dating they said that they were working on finishing their masters degree but they have not done so. They also said they'd be going back to work after they finished their degree. They have just been running through their savings and staying at home. They do most of the chores but the house is often a bit of a mess. Now they're saying that they want to wait until after kids to go back to work. My family also thinks it is a bad idea to marry them.

My husband is clearly depressed. He is also a proud man, and some degree of old-fashioned. I am 4 years younger than him, and am far more open to the idea of therapy and medication.

For context, he has dealt with his dad (whom he was close with) committing suicide when he was a teenager, a long-term girlfriend (whom he really wanted to marry) cheating on him with multiple men (including a good friend at the time) for years, and his best friend of 10 years (my brother) dying in a rafting accident that we were both part of. I've been struggling personally myself, but I have a few different things I'm trying, including therapy. He is unwilling to try therapy or medication, but isn't getting better, cause holy shit, that's a lot of unprocessed shit to deal with.

It's manifesting in really nasty ways, and hurting both of us. I don't think he means the things he says; I think he's hurting a lot and doesn't know what to do.

For what it's worth, I really have not been great to him or myself. I've been dealing with my own emotional baggage, but I'm not going to get into that. I'm working on it, and feel like after many years of work, have come through a breakthrough where I understand that I do in fact want this person in my life.

How can I help guide him to anything that will help him? Doesn't need to be therapy, medication, or a psychiatrist. Those do seem like the obvious answers, but I'm open to virtually any suggestions.

This man is amazing and a wonderful person, but he's really struggling and doesn't seem to want help, but at the same time, seems like he needs/wants help. Any thoughts?

Edit: I'm really touched by all of the thoughtful responses I've received. I don't like to talk about my marital issues with people in my life, and I know my husband wouldn't want others to know what he's struggling with. This is a great community.

I'm slowly working my way through each response. Seriously - thank you all.

Hi, I am (22M) in a long term relationship with (22F) that has been going on for 3 years as of now.

Around the start of the relationship (2-3 months in) I went to a party without her and got drunk. I did all kinds of things that would be considered "dealbreakers". (Kissing multiple people, laying down with another girl during down time) We did not discuss things like that prior to the party. But after it, I felt extremely guilty, because I myself wouldn't have approved of such things. So I told her almost all of it (and it was very painfull for us). Except the fact that I proposed in a separate room to engage in sexual stuff with a couple. They refused but I still did propose. (This feels very very wrong for me)

Now, after this, we rebuilt our relationship and until now it's been going very very great. We are following the same studies and are pulling each others up. Celebrating successes together. Going on exchange trips together. Etc etc.. She loves me from all her heart (her words) and I do too.

Except lately there's been a little too much down time for the things filling my brain. As a result, that memory came back and now, I have a choice. Either I tell her, relationship takes a huge hit on trust and I cause her harm. Either I bite the bullet and live with this guilt but that may come back even strongly (she might notice it since it's affecting me physically)

If you are suggesting the first option, how would you approach it? She seems to be living the dream with me right now so I want to make the landing soft enough for her.

I am beginning the process of divorce. There was no history of anything bad, just general lack of compatibility. We've been together 13 years, and at least the past 3-4 we've been shells of who we were.

Though we both care deeply, we both know we want to be loved differently.

Right now I'm still going between the depression/despair and some irrational nostalgic notion that maybe things could be the way I thought they were (in my mind I know that these are rose tinted memories)

How do former couples get along usually? I'm a child of divorce, where my Mom moved two states away and I went with her. My parents were cordial, I think.

My ex thinks that we should remain friends, but I think that will make the grieving process harder for me. I wonder if this desire to remain friends is a way for her to not fully have to let go. But if you want the milk, you buy the cow.

Should I be wary, or should I be grateful here? How do I protect myself from catching feelings some days and dragging my healing for to long

My best bet has been to meet people at workshops:

• Class of 30 new people each time
• Assertive, inquisitive people (my kind of person) spontaneously filter themselves out because they're the ones asking questions
• Opportunity to approach them at break times, can work in small groups
• Laid back

School canteen. You are forced to spend an amount of time sitting next to a bunch of random strangers, some will be friendship groups. You can tell if they are cool just by listening in on their conversation, and it removes any barrier that approaching them would usually be as you are already sitting next to them. Best come when the canteen is full because then there won't be any empty tables that you'd need an excuse for not sitting at.

I think when you frequent these two activities you are almost guaranteed to bump into your kind of person eventually. Can anyone think of any other good scenarios?

I assume you have read my previous posts, I don't wanna retell everything.

We went to my psychologist. First he went alone with her to talk, and after half an hour he got out and I came in.

I told my psychologist everything about why I needed to break up with him. She understood and helped me through it.

Then she let him in to talk, and I gave a long speech about the reasons why I had no choice but to end the relationship.

I thanked him for all the good moments, all the love he gave me, for being so sweet, and that I didn't regret any of it. I told him that I still loved him and wanted nothing but all the best to him, and I don't want him to die because of me. It was way longer than that but I'm just not in the mood for writing a lot.

He was visibly broken, almost crying, in silent the entire time. When I finally finished, the psychologist asked him to talk and he just said "no words" She told me that I was done for today and I left.

We are not 100% done yet, I need to take my things out of his house, and his family still wants to be in contact with me and I'm more than glad.

Is just... I wanted this, I had the chance to try to talk and fix everything, yet I ended it because I knew I needed to, he has hurt me for a long while after all, I don't wanna be trapped with him, yet I feel so bad right now. I hope I did the right choice. I hope I don't regret it. I'm sad and heartbroken. I Know he is even more heartbroken. But it needed to end. Yet I'm still sad about it. So sad. How long will I still be this sad?

This feeling has stopped me for a while. I already made a post here a few days ago about my feelings about breaking up. I haven't done it yet because I'm waiting will we have at least a session with my psychologist.

The biggest feeling that keeps me doubting is that I may be ending things right before things get better.

I am more than welcomed to live at his house, he knows I'm trans and accepts me, he will be fixing his car, and he will get a new job, so he will be contributing to the finances instead of relying on my money as he has done since the start of our relationship, but I feel like even so I can't continue the relationship.

He had been physically abusive to me, he has confessed to me that yes, he is controlling and codependent, right now he is being sweet and his libido seems to have "come back" right after I told him I would break up with him, but he also told me that he would die without me, so now I'm feeling trap. I don't like it, I don't like feeling trap in a relationship just so he don't get depressed and die. Yes, he can give me some stability, but I still have my home with my mom and I might find that stability elsewhere. I feel like I don't need him anymore to be happy on my own. My feelings are changing, and also I for a long time thought wouldn't be able to find someone else, but a friend has confessed that likes me romantically. I won't cheat on him, they know that and comprehends my situation, but it made me realize I'm not unlovable. I'm also feeling sexy again on my own, in fact, I feel sexier than ever rn.

But I come back to the feelings of "What if I wait a bit and things get better?" while also reminding to myself that I already know what my boyfriend can do when he gets angry at me, just for doing things that I love to do. Even on this "love bombing" phase, he is still so controlling, I changed my phone's lock pin so he couldn't look at it and started interrogating me about it at 4 AM.

Has anyone had a similar feeling?

This is gonna be a bit long. I'm 25, I'm a trans girl, my boyfriend is 25, he is a gay cis man.

We have been together for 2 years and 3 months. At first our relationship was amazing, nothing to complain, so very loving and sexy and cute. The issue at the moment was his mom, a narcissistic mentally and verbally abuses woman who seems to have hates him since birth. After one year he moved out to a house that belonged to his uncle and another uncle was living there.

Moving was cool, finally we were away from that woman, but his uncle was an alcoholic who drank daily and would get violent and loud when drinking. After a few months, we started avoiding that man while being in the house.

In September of last year his mom died. That woman had serious health issues and was the typo of person that always had a cigar in her mouth, she refused to go to the hospital for an infection and died during an operation.

We waited until another uncle of his came to our city in December, and he moved back to his mom's house. We thought things would be perfect for now, but now I had issues with him.

Since we were still at the other house where his drunk uncle lived, he started to give me "affection" in hurtful ways, started with tickles, that at first were ok, but later the tickles became a form of punishment, and he has thick fingers and tried to "tickle" me so hard that it really hurts. One day I went to a concert, a local band's tribute to me favorite band. I told him I would go and asked if he would go, but he said didn't want to go, so I went alone. The concert was so amazing, but when I came to his place the next day, he was so mad, that pinned me to the bed, he immobilized me with his weight, and started "tickling" me so hard, that I was kicking and crying. Then he started doing something similar for things like promising I would be with him at 3 PM but arrived at 6 PM, or not having money for buying dinner for both of us.

Then the biting started, it also started as something cute, but then he started biting me harder and harder, and then started to do it as another way of punishment.

And he is so possessive, and very jealous. On top of everything, he didn't want to have sex with me in so many months I lost track of when was the last time we did something.

This week I traveled from my city to the capital city of my country, some people doesn't like the city, but I do, and ended up staying a few days more than planned, and his uncle was so kind to let me stay in his apartment and help me move around, and in the end he went back to my city with him in his car.

My stay in the capital was amazing, except for how my BF reacted. He got so emotional, so mad, and we almost had a break-up but I had to salvage it because breaking up over text is ugly. I asked him to go to my psychologist together and he refused in a very angry way.

I came back yesterday and went to his house to talk to him. I told him I was seriously thinking about breaking up and listed the reasons why. He started crying, got very emotional, and finally agreed to go to psychology.

But he also said that I'm the only person he was, that he is codependent on me, and without me he would die, literally.

We talked for hours, and got over a few things, but now I kinda feel trap because I still love him and don't want him to be depressed and die, but I'm not sure I can stay here, I feel like I need a way out. I can't exist to constantly comfort him when I feel like everything is different now and we have different life goals.

I need some advice please.

We've been in counseling for about a year, and both of us have been getting better in our respective ways. Issue I'm having now is I'm emotionally tapped out and don't have the same interest or desire for them as I did. I love them very much, but I'm becoming quite indifferent and have been enjoying my time away from them more than with them. Our first years were awesome, but the last two have just been stressful and tiring; it's been hard to just move past that.

Any advice from those who have been through rough patches and it turned out better?

Been with this guy for 3 years now, I have been making plans in my head for when we are able to move in together, while unfortunately we were in a long distance relationship we still had a lot in common and were able to enjoy our time online together playing videogames and watching movies with the occasional visit once every 4 months or so for a week.

Such a pretty relationship, I feel, like I'm enjoying his company throughout my days of studying and university. But anyways, he feels like he doesn't want to try to make our relationship workout anymore, so basically breaking up with me. I told him before I let him finish, that I'm gonna be a bit stubborn and still go ahead with my visit in 10 days to go talk to him in person to actually do this. He sighed, and said that he owes me that atleast. This is the 3rd time he's trying to break up with me, and last time he promised that he'd wait for me and that he won't break up with me again and that I'd be the one to do so. Just my trust in him is shattered after this.

I am just not sure which way to take this, try to continue with the visit and maybe still stay together or just decide not to go and cut him off from being friends. I'm not sure, part of me wants to still go and do agree we need to break up and just leave the relationship without a sour taste in the mouth, and maybe in the future be friends again.

Edit: Feeling better bout the break up now, I do know I'm not getting back together with them and probably not gonna talk to them for a very long time. I've reached out and made a new friend and I'll keep on trying to find new ones to help with the being lonely part. Looking forwards to it

My uncle lives about 3 blocks away from where I live, so very close. We never really see each other.

My mom and him are always argueing and to be fair my mother is right. He is an *sshole but he personally never done anything to me.

My brother on the other side has more contact to him and said that he belongs to family and should come or else I will start a "fight".

I don't know I don't really care about him because I don't interact with him so the only reason why I wouldn't invite him is because of how he is treating my mom. My mom avoids contact as much as possible and they are two different people. I couldn't care less if he was at my wedding or not so if it wouldn't be for my mother I would invite him to avoid drama but duo to how the situation is I am honestly thinking about not inviting him so my mom can enjoy the day too and doesn't have to "hide".

She ran out off my nephews second birthday last year once my uncle came in because he is so toxic she can't even stay in a room with him.

My brother said it isn't my problem but tbh it I think it is my problem. I love my mom and want her to enjoy my wedding without her being forced to have contact with someone she HATES.

I think I answered my own question by now but am I the as*shole and what consequences does this have? I am planning on visiting my uncle and telling him he isn't invited because of how the situation is between my mom and him and that my and my wifes wedding isn't the day for family drama and I don't want to risk it - even if they promise to behave. I just don't want it on that day.

With that being said I also can't invite my grandpa to which I do not have contact with since years because of how toxic he was to my mother. He wasn't as toxic as my uncle to my mother was so my mom said it would be okay to invite him BUT he requires 1:1 assistance meaning my oncle would have to drive him and take care of him - he would also be there because of my grandpa. So I just don't invite both.

Edit: accidently posted it in relationship advice my bad :-(

Hey all, not often I do this, but figured it might be a good idea to make myself vulnerable with something I dislike about myself to maybe get some helpful input as to how to approach this weird dilemma I'm having.

So I [M24], have been struggling with my weight for a few years now. Mainly it's been an issue that's been tied to my mental health, and for the last year I've been doing intensive work on improving my mental health, which includes dealing with the root cause of my weight issues.

For a long time I've been in the mindset of wanting to wait until after I shed the pounds before getting into the dating scene. Reason being is that I personally prefer a certain body type, and it just feels hypocritical and gross to have that expectation going into a relationship when I'm not meeting the expectations for the body type I want for myself.

On the other hand, I had a coworker [F22] at my old job admit that she at one point had feelings for me, so since then it has me thinking if I'm stressing too much about my weight as important as I feel it is for me to address it.

I've also had friends tell me that I need to have more self-confidence in regards to my body, but I'm split on trusting their words because I'm fully aware I'm not at a healthy weight currently and don't want to deny that.

I'm having trouble determining what to do from here, because I really want to go out and meet new people and perhaps mingle since I've been craving a romantic relationship for ages now and know that things are likely going to take more time for me than most others because of my sexual identity.

However on the other hand, I still worry about the aforementioned possibility of coming off as hypocritical, having my weight be a deciding factor at first glance for people when this isn't who I want to be, and having my weight literally get in the way of other things (I worry about it maybe making hugs and/or cuddles awkward for a potential partner.

What would be the best plan of action for me to take?

I'm (m29) reeling from a string of breakups that has left me feeling hollow inside. Whenever I have any moment of spark, it's immediately put out by "I'm just going to break their heart or they will break mine". The last 3 years I had 5 relationships that lasted at least 3 months, and the last one (oddly enough just 6 weeks) was the one where I felt I finally cracked the code.

I'm a horrible people pleaser (who doesn't please people), so being honest in communication was a struggle. I'd be in relationships that I knew were sour in the first week, but I could never find the words or work up the courage to say anything until it erupted into a mess. The last one I had, she told me I deserve to be heard and that I don't have to be left guessing on the state of the relationship. I cried when she said that. I finally felt like the last Russian doll was opened and I wasn't hiding anything. Then it fell apart. I still don't know why, or maybe I do, but I held on to some hope that we could reconnect this year until last night when I texted her to see where she was at and she told me she wasn't interested in being friends.

I'm glad she gave me that answer to hopefully help me move on, but I just can't seem to. That relationship ended in November, and it's the end of February, but I just still numb to the prospect of seeing someone else. It's not the good kind of numb either, it's a broken heart numbness. I want to stop thinking about her.

I almost had a one night stand with a friend, but then panicked as a flashback of a S.A. episode hit me out of nowhere, but my friend took that as me not caring about her and now she won't talk to me.

My other friend who I have a business connection with came over last night to hang out, but it was clear she also wanted to be intimate. I didn't want to be cold, but I don't want to hurt her either by starting something that will end in pain. I mixed business and pleasure once before and I will never do that again, and I'm not interested in being intimate with this one either.

I downloaded the apps to try and maybe get the ball moving, but each person I just think about what their face would be if (and I can't help but thing "when") we broke up.

It's been 10 years of heartbreak it feels like. I don't know if I can love. I don't know if I ever really did, I just know that I've felt heartbroken most of the time one way or another.

Anyway if anyone has tips on how to feel again, I'd appreciate that.

Also I covered OK GO's "Needing/ Getting" on my shitty phone recorder as my lil' way of grieving. Music is a life saver.

Whenever I see someone I'm interested in I always make sure I go and talk to them. That's as far as I've ever gotten.

The way I see this working is as follows:

1. somebody catches my eye
2. I go over and talk to them
3. we get along well, stuff develops in pretty much the same way as if I had just met a new platonic friend
4. ???
5. We start holding hands. I've watched enough films to see that it pretty much escalates by itself from there.

The problem is that whenever I've done this, they were either cool but didn't show much of an interest in me, or their personality didn't resonate too deeply with mine which was a shame because I still thought they were gorgeous.

Now I'm not looking for somebody to spend the rest of my life with. Because that will take a lot of meeting people. But I am in the mood to experiment with intimate relationships, and now. Part of me wonders whether it's even worth it if they don't share my sense of humour. But another part of me thinks the steps above might be constraining me to only one type of relationship, those of the lifelong sort, which is why it's taking so long.

As you can see at step 4 there is clearly a gap between talking with them and holding hands that I don't know how to cross, which I'd currently do by explicitly asking can we hold hands. I wonder if the thing I'm missing is also the thing that would progress things to the physical without the person being your soulmate. When you go to parties you see drunk people breaking the touch barrier together without talking. What's the cue for that to happen? Should touch ever be the thing that advances a relationship with someone? How does that work? How do you make sure it's mutual? Or is the way to go really to wait until I meet someone I get along with so well that something clicks?

Help! My live-in partner of 3 years has too many clothes and it's overrunning our house. We live in a two bedroom condo with only two closets in the entire unit, and there's just not enough space.

At last count (2 years ago) there was over 300 articles of clothing - shirts, pants, jackets. There is constantly piles of clothes everywhere, clean and dirty, and nowhere to put them. They wear multiple outfits each day and throw them on the floor in the evening.

2 years ago I bought a few Ikea clothing containers to slide under the bed, and those are packed full of folded shirts that are never worn. And they just keep buying more.

I've spoken with them about this multiple times and they say that they'll get rid of some of the clothes, but never did.

On the flip side, I have four pairs of pants, a few shorts, around a dozen shirts and a suit.

What can I do?

First of all, I am an expat who has been living abroad for 9 years now.

Two years ago I meet a wonderful woman who is also form my home country, she has been living here a lot less time than I have (about a year by the time we meet).

About two month into our relationship she gave me an ultimatum, it was with kids or nothing.

I asked her for a few weeks to think about it and after deciding that she was the one, I decided to continue our relationship and started planning on common goals. Months went by and it was truly an amazing time, we really love each other.

Part of our life plans involved us moving in together in 2024. Before that happened, she decided to travel back to our home country to spend christmas and new year's with her family and get some paperwork done.

While she was there, she called me one day and told me that she wanted us to move back to our home country and continue our live together there, however I do not want that, at all.

Not only it would be very expensive for me to move back, but it would be very difficult for me to find a job in my field. Here I have a high paying job, plus I own a house ideal to raise kids.

Education and quality of life is one of the best in Europe. And I really really do not want to go back to a shithole country.

She insists on her plan and gave me yet another ultimatum, I kinda already made up my mind, but I really do not know how to even start the conversation.

How can I approach this?

First of all, I realize this is probably more of a shortcoming on my part, but nevertheless, I am who I am.

My wife has gotten really into "romance reality" TV in the past year. In recent months, it has reached a fever pitch where she is just walking around with a show playing out loud on her phone almost all the time. Doing chores? Watching love is blind. In between a match while we're gaming together? Blasting love island. I generally keep earbuds in so I don't have to listen to it, and because Im sure she doesn't want to hear my shows just like I don't want to hear hers.

I make an honest effort to avoid the inane types of people who go on these shows in the real world, so to come home to what used to be a sanctuary and have to jam earbuds in and move all the way across the house to not be subjected to the dumbassery those people exude is exausting and has me at the absolute end of my rope. Its gotten to a point where I might actually go run errands at random times just to get some peace. I know she sees it as an "unwind" which I don't understand but I can at least accept. I've made my position on these types of shows unabashedly clear on many occasions, perhaps being harder on them than I should be.

If she had kept watching her usual dramas it wouldn't even be an issue for me, it's just the endless barrage of utter idiocy and manufactured drama out of these people's mouths that I can't stand.

How can I go about bringing up that this is a problem for me without sounding like a "stop having fun" type or seeming condescending about her TV choices?

I'm really stuck. I've been unhappy for years and we've done couple's therapy and tried to reconnect, but it's just not enough.

I have a bad habit of feeling guilty and responsible for everything and I just can't see a future where I hurt my partner so badly. I don't know how to sever myself from the relationship and alllllll of the stuff and responsibilities. My partner slacked off when it came to college internships so they've been unemployed for years, and now finally found a fast food job. But that means that if I leave, they're done for. They can't pay the mortgage alone, nevertheless the bills or food. They also mentioned in our therapy that their greatest fear is divorce and I don't know if that's because they're still so attached to me or if it's the fear of having to make it on their own.

How do I uproot their entire life over my unhappiness? That just doesn't seem like something I could possibly do... but I can't stay here, I'm withering away.

Help?

Hi!

I'm dating an amazing guy. He's very sweet and caring. He's kind of a quiet guy.

We started dating after a friend of his brought me a note he wanted to give me (but then threw away because he was indecisive) that said how much he loved me.

I took it and invited him over to my place. At first he was afraid to touch me and I took the initiative. Lately, he has become more active in this respect and is no longer afraid to just come up and hug me.

Everything would be very good, but I can't understand one thing. Why does he always shake when we hug? I've asked him about it, but he keeps silent or blushes or says "I'm sorry". I'm very worried about him and his health. Take him to doctor?

We've been together for 3 months. 2nd year of university. Same age.

Edit: Last night she attempted suicide. I was in the living room while she was showering. She got out of the shower, went to the bedroom, and about 10 minutes later I heard her call my name. She was holding a large handful of her medicine in one hand, and the bottle in the other. She told me she almost took it, but decided to get help instead. Suffice to say, both of us are dealing with a lot right now. She asked me not to tell anyone, but I am trying to persuade her to get mental healthcare.

So yesterday morning, while my girlfriend and I were sleeping in our new apartment, we heard some rustling at the door. This was around 8 AM or so. I heard him call out "maintenance" very faintly from the other side of the door.

I was partially awake and called out to the guy after glancing my gf's way in a "is this guy for real?" look.

Guy apologized and left the apartment after he heard me. At the time, she said she was "glad I was there".

I spoke to him later and he apologized profusely and said he wasn't aware someone had moved in already. I figured that would be the end of it. No harm, no foul.

Last night, my girlfriend informed me that I didn't handle that correctly. She said her dad would've been up and ready to fight the guy, and that by glancing her way I must've been asking her to protect me.

Despite us discussing a proposal now that we're 2 years in, she let me know she doesn't think I should "this year, but that she may change her mind".

I'm honestly baffled. Was I supposed to shoot the maintenance man or something?

It has me reconsidering the relationship. One perceived mistake--that I honestly think I handled fine--and she's putting our plans on ice.

She's been mean leading up to this. She blames her cycle (and apologizes each time), but it's a pretty extreme mood shift for a few days each month. So part of me wonders if these 2 things are related, and she'll regret saying that to me. Another part wonders if I should forgive her in the first place.

What do y'all think? How big of a mess am I in?

A month ago I found out that my (30's ftm) live-in boyfriend of 3 years (30's m) was sexting with various guys and making plans to meet up. We fought, made up, and got into therapy. Things are slowly healing.

Today I found out that an old friend of his that he used to sext with before our relationship still sends him nudes regularly on snapchat. I found out because my bf had saved a bunch of them. My bf says that he never responds to them and so he didn't think it was an issue. I disagree - If anyone I knew irl ever sent me nudes I would immediately delete it, ask them not to send more, and tell my bf about it.

My question is, was his lack of action yet another instance of cheating?

I posted this on reddit when it happened last year plus the update. Now I want some more advice. (I know I'm the asshole here)

1. My gf (f23) had a tournament last month in which she was representing our country, she asked me (m22) to go with her and I decided to do so. Now I had to pay for it myself and pretty much spend all the money I had saved to travel wirh her for a week. Being from a conservative country her federation rules don't allow for me to stay with her or anything so I had to sneak into her room all week.

I don't particularly understand her sport or like it but spent the whole day there supporting and caring for her. I was there all day, sneaked into her room at night and gave her the physical things she enjoyed most, oral, massages and shower her. This was the case for 6 of the 7 days, on the 5th day I couldnt sneak in since her team had a meeting and I couldnt get in after that.

Now that same day I had been talking to another girl who had already lost who flirted with me there while I awkwardly conversed with her. I complimented her swing and she told me its her hamstring strength and guided my hand to feel her leg. Now that night when I couldnt sneak in my gf told me get a room and that she'd pay for it. I went out since I had'nt had the chance to explore the city for 4 days when I spotted the same girl at a touristy spot near the hotel, I went to say hi and she invited me to a party her team was holding at her hotel.

I went with her that night thinking I'll just get a room there after the party (turns out it was an air bnb), as the night progressed we were flirting and ended with her laying on me on a beach chair topless. She then went to her room and told me to come with, I told her I'll be there and then just left the place and went to the same hotel my gf was staying and got a room for the night.

I didn't see the girl after that and my gf had a great tourny, we returned and the last 3 weeks have been so good with her. I've never thought my gf was into me before this, it's like a switch turned and now we're really having fun together. She's going out of her way to do smth nice for me.

I spend all day feeling like shit over what happened on the trip, I told myself I didnt do anything so it's ok but I know I'd count this as cheating. Idk if I should tell my gf when everything is so good rn and she seems so happy.

I know Im the asshole, this is the worst thing I've done in my life and i deeply regret. I dont know whether to break up with her and save her the pain or tell her.

What should I do

tell her or

break up giving lack of connection and sharing very little in common as the reason?

2. So after the absolute fuckup of a situation we were in, I made it worse by ghosting my gf (f23) for a few days until she just showed up at my place VERY pissed. At this point she didn't know what had happened but she was mad at the ghosting and cry/ yelled at me for 5 minutes which I just took bc what fucking right do I have to object at this point. I then told her all that happened and I have not seen anyone look at me the way she did as I spoke, I couldn't look at her face while I spoke. She continued crying and just sort of scurried out of my place. I didn't have the balls to go stop her or anything.

I woke up next morning to 3 missed calls from her at 4 in the morning. So I went to her place before work but she wouldn't open the door and I just swallowed all self respect and begged her while literally standing outside. Rather humiliating situation but can't imagine what she's going through. We've since texted and called where all I do is beg. She then told me to come over, I did go with flowers, but she again didnt open her door and I talked to her through the door.

The same night she called me at 3 and I picked up and she was just crying and said some rather personal stuff that made me really sad (mostly just hating herself). I went to her place AGAIN at like 3.30 and this time she let me in, we hugged and cuddled for like an hour but she was absolutely mute and still as a dead fish. I naturally fell asleep and was woken up by her asking for sex (had her hand in my pants already). I turned her down which only led to more crying, she pretty much kicked me out but I was too tired to drive and slept in my car, she came woke me later and took me inside, again without saying a word.

Last night she called me again and said I love you (first time). Also kept asking who I was sleeping with, I literally went to her place again to prove I wasn't since a video call wasn't enough, slept at her place again.

We haven't talked about whether or not we're over or not but I think with the I love you, the cuddling and sleeping together we have a good chance.

Our relationship was SO good before I ghosted her.

Idk if this is a happy ending or not. I wanna know how I can help her trust me again, feel secure in our relationship, stop hating herself over my actions and fix this allround mess.

And now:

Over the last year we've stayed together mostly due to the fact that I have done a lot of work for our relationship, I've tried to be as good a boyfriend as I could. I've met her parents and they like me, one of her brothers does too. A couple of her friends hate me tho and they're the ones who know the story.

Now she's been quite short tempered, accusatory and emotional at most times. It's not like that's all we have, we mostly have fun together but it can get ugly sometimes and there's quite a few triggers. I'd say maybe 5-7 times a month. I'm still begging, still apologizing but it feels tiring now. I do it bc I feel like I have to. Recently I've considered breaking up over it but how can I. I don't feel like I have any right to.

She came back from another tournament 2 days ago having won and is over the moon, but she was still very suspicious of me while she was there and the night of her return after we celebrated she accused me of cheating again. It's getting tiring. I know it's more difficult for her obviously but I feel like she's just rubbing that in my face and making me feel bad about it all the time, which I should and do, but why do it anytime we're happy.

So my question is: Should I actually break up now despite all the effort we put in? After all we've been through together.

i (m28)'ve known this girl(f23) only for weeks, we've matched on tinder, and decided to meet, some of back story, i am a man that rarely open up my heart to other girl, but when i open it, i opened it as wide as i can, i only have 2 past relationships before this..

the first meet (30 December 2023) we,'ve talk alot about our backgrounds, we are having fun, at least ive seen it from her gesture that she's having fun and we laughed a lot, we've talked about our past relationship, and how our past relationship ended, she told me once that her past relationship ended on September 2023 after 9 years because on the last moment the relationship becomes so toxic that she can't hadle it anymore, and we've talked about our love languange and what treatment that we love to receive. the first met was great, she even invited me too her event to celebrate on new years eve with her friend at some club,

the 2nd meet(1st January 2024) before i tell you our 2nd meet, ill give you some story before it. ok you guys already know that she invited me to her event, but unfortunately i cant join her because i already have plans with my friend that i already arrange far before matched with her on tinder. so i texted her that i cant attend her invitation, she's lil bit sad and said she's okay with that, ok so we celebrate our new years eve seperately with our own plan, we've texted each other a little bit, she even text me some wishes and new years eve message on 12am and she said what she really wish we could be together to celebrate new years eve,

skip to around 5am, she texted me that she want to meet me, she's begging me to hug her, and she told me that this is not some drunk text, so we chose one place to meet, and we meet, she said she'll be waiting me inside her car,, after i arrived she invited me to get in to her car, so. i got in. after i got into her car, we talked a little bit about how are our new years party going and having a little jokes and laughs, after that we just sit there in silence while she just hug me and lean on my shoulder, this goin around 20-30 minutes. after that we went our seperate ways to go home to sleep,

skip to around 1pm she texted me that she will go to meet her friend and she invited me again, she want to introduce me to her friend, because i already have a feeling for her i instantly accepted her invite, and we meet at some cafe at around 3pm, so she introduced me to her friends and her friends is very welcome, we talked a lot, jokes around having a lot of laugh, we driving around jump one cafe to another cafe, walking around at some side of city, and here's the thing she's already know my love language and how i love to be treated, my love language is physical touch and i love when somebody give attention to little things i care, and she show it and gave it all on our second meet, and vice versa, she said she loves it when i gave her word of affirmation and some quality time. so i gave her that, and because of that i really falling for her, it felt like everythings great, and we fell for each other,

but it all goes downhill from here. after our last met, she's been avoiding me, she took a long time to reply my messages, she didn't want to meet me, she said she's only tired and need some rest, so i gave her a time and space.. but she keeps acting like that until 4 january 2024, i confused, i missed her, i even told her that i miss seeing her, she just reply with some laugh emojis and ask why i miss her, so i called my friend to get some help, my chest is hurt so bad, my legs felt weak, i'm hungry but i can't eat, i'm tired but can't sleep, i'm stressed but playing some games didn't gave me any fun, i need to work but i can't focus, all i want to do just lay on my bed, stare blankly, sad, cry, thinking about her, so i decided to call one of my friend to get some help, and tell all my feelings. my friend encouraged me to looking for an answer, he told me to ask her why she's been avoiding me, and act this way,

so i gather all my courage, and texted her, telling her my felling for her, and asking why she act this way, and why shes avoiding me, maybe im wrong to put some pressure to her, im little bit pushy about this because i need an answer immediately because i cant live like these anymore.

at first she reply my messages , telling me that she thank me for the feeling that im telling her, and she said she was wrong, she said she felt like she didnt ready yet for new relationship, and i asked her, should i stay and wait for her to be ready, or should i go, and despite all the hopes i put on her, she didn't text me back,

so for the last part, tomorrow morning i start my day exactly the same as yesterday, not in the mood of doin anything. till at 2pm, i already back home, just sitting on the couch hoping that she will texted me, and then she suddenly texted me, asking me why am i act like these, and i reply that i don't know, im just crazy for her, and this never happened to me before, and she immediately reply that she wants me to go and despite all the hopes i put on her, and she said good bye and she just deleted my number, i know it because we usually texted each other on WhatsApp, suddenly i felt that my heart is shattered to pieces, the pain I felt is becoming more massive , i ran to the bathroom, to cry because i dont want my brother to see me cry, i spend about 30-45 minutes in the bathroom to cry, and talking to myself, and until the time i write this story i kept thinking about her, everything that i see just kept makes me remember her, i spend my day thinking about her and really want her to come back, please help idk what to do anymore, am i going crazy? and what is this all about, and why am i like these?

edit : Pardon my english,

I’m not the best at explaining things but I’ll try here for anybody that is willing to read.

For the last year or so my coworker and I have been sort of been circling each other, doing a lot of activities together and keeping in fairly regular contact via text and calls. She and I were both coming out of relationships and not exactly ready for anything to happen immediately. But we are both very active and fit people with a lot of similar interests and we get along really great.

Eventually a mutual friend let me know that she was interested and frustrated that I hadn’t made a move on her. So on Christmas Eve She came to see me and we had an honest conversation that the attraction was mutual. We made out a little bit before she went home. Afterwards we talked about our intentions and expectations, we are both interested in a long-term stable relationship, we are both interested in getting to know the other a little bit, and agreed that we would get together In a few days. She postponed because she wasn’t feeling well but then suggested New Year’s Eve, so I waited a few days and checked in with her and she’s cancelled again saying that she would prefer to just stay home, without offering anything else, so I’ll just leave it at that for now.

I have been out of the dating game for a while so it’s just hard to play a cool just when things were starting to get spicy. Any suggestions on how to stay calm and not double text?

We met like four years ago and have gotten to know each other since then. We talk about our lives, work, struggles, relationships, video games, music, et cetera. Sometimes, though, I feel like this friendship shouldn't exist because people may find it strange that I am friends with someone 14 years older than me. What do you think?

My (mid-30s M) wife (mid-30s F) took a job that has rather extreme hours. She also has another time/location commitment as the direct consequence of some of her actions. These combined have left us with, at most, 1 hour each day during which we are both awake and under the same roof.

As you might imagine, it has put quite the strain (for me at least, she doesn't talk about it) on our quality time, conversation, interaction, romance, and amorous activities, which have become, at best: difficult, forced, unenthusiastic, and incredibly rare. She mostly spends what little time there is playing games on her phone.

I put myself in her shoes and it becomes marginally understandable: After a long and challenging day, I could see the desire to sit quietly and do an activity with/for myself rather than attend to the needs of yet another person.

But I've been having a really hard time. I am being stoic and supportive and appreciative of all that she is doing, but, under the surface, I am lonely and miss my wife and long for connection. Should I stay the course or find some way to broach the issue, adding yet another burden to her already laborious time?

I'd really appreciate hearing from someone who's dealt with/is currently in a similar situation, or anyone who has encouragement or advice, or just anything I could think about while I deal.

My friend John mentioned that he has been feeling depressed lately. There have been some bad things in his logs that would make anyone sad but the things that normally bring him happiness aren't doing anything for him lately. It's something he has struggled with in the past. He has a counselor and has been prescribed anti-depressants. I'm not worried about him harming himself.

My understanding is that part of being a friend to someone facing depression is reaching out to spend time with them.

How much should I reach out? I don't want to harass him, and he has a wife and other friends (that are emotionally closer than me). His wife for sure knows what's going on, but I'm not sure about his other friends (our kids go to the same school so I actually see him more then most of his friends).

I understand that sometimes depressed people neglect chores in their life, should I ask his wife if there's anything I could help him/them with?

My ex, 30f, and I, 32m, broke up awhile back. We have been trying to work things out tho because neither of us want to move on. She still comes over every month (we live 3 hours apart), do stuff together, etc. We have been trying to make it work, but recently (November 27th) I found out that even though she still says she loves me and wanted to make things work, she was sleeping with these 2 guys multiple times. 6 times over the course of at least 7 months, with a 7th time planned (and supposedly cancelled) for the 16th of december. I had a suspicion about it for multiple reasons, but my suspicions were confirmed when I accidentally opened discord on the laptop I recently set up for her. I saw her sending photos that I had taken of her during our trip to a fair, saying she's like to show him all her costumes in person. Seeing that, my heart sank and I started reading the entire dm, which contained them talking about meeting up, the aftermath of their meetup, her saying she missed him, and other things.. the first time they met up she had told me she was watching a movie with her family, but that was a lie. She was with him..

I confronted her about it, saying if she was doing stuff with someone else I just wanted the truth and that if she just admitted it, I wouldn't be as hurt. But she tried to beat around the bush, saying it never went beyond sexting. This was false, as I saw her and him messaging each other, with her saying what she enjoyed about their encounter.. I kept pushing, basically begging her to please be honest with me. Eventually I told her I saw the messages and asked her again, where she admitted she did. she said she had met up with 2 guys two separate times, but at first she said it was only once each. I kept pushing, and eventually she admitted it was a total of 6 times between the two guys. With one of the guys, they didn't use protection..

I know we aren't together, but we had been trying to make things work. At least I had been. She has been visiting every month (I'm not able to visit her due to my work schedule and the distance). I've always had trust issues due to how I grew up. My ex would tell me she loves me and wants things to work between us, and I'd try my best to do whatever I can for her. When she comes over, we try to cook together and do stuff together. I would pay for almost everything, and yes I'd get annoyed when she wanted to add random sweets to our groceries but I did it because I loved her. I thought she was trying to make this work, it seemed like she was, but now finding out about this.. 2 guys, 6 times, over the course of months.. she was still coming to my house every month, telling me she loved me, telling me she wants to be with me and only me, sleeping in my bed with me, being intimate with me.. we did stuff together, even if outside my comfort zone but I did so because I loved her and wanted her to be happy. 

I'm both angry for trusting anyone again, and broken because I was afraid of this happening. I've been cheated on, lied to, emotionally and physically abused, manipulated in past relationships and in my family life. And here I felt like I lost everything again.

She says she is sorry and wants to make this right, that she regrets it, but I feel so emotionally numb now. I told her that she broke whatever semblance of trust I had left, and that she'd have to work to regain my trust. She says she regrets it, and I know it's harsh, but 6 times. Six times. I know I'm not there enough for her, nowhere near as much as I want to be. But did she not regret it the first time? Or second? Third? Why try to hide it from me when I was telling her if she just came clean up front it wouldn't hurt as much. Yes it still hurt, but the fact that I had to push and pry to get her to admit it. And she says she was planning to tell me in December, yet she had another escapade planned for the 16th.

I was able to contact one of the guys and he had no idea and kept apologizing to me, telling me he hasn't deleted any of the chats so if I wanted to know anything to let him know. He blocked her on everything (and I made sure she blocked him on everything) and he told me that had he known she was actively with someone, he wouldn't have done anything with her. The other guy I haven't contacted, and tbh I'd rather not.

I can barely eat or sleep now. She said she wants to make things right, show me her phone whenever I want to prove she's being faithful now, be more honest with me, etc. but idk.. I said yes to her open phone thing, and she gave me some of her socials. Low and behold, she mass deleted stuff and mass blocked guys, saying she was scared of what I'd see, because she knows they're bad.

Long story cut alittle short, I'm a forgiving person and I CAN forgive her. I've told her she has to re-earn my trust now after everything she did to me. But now I'm extremely paranoid that she's just fucking around because the distance gives her cover. She reassures me she's not, but idk. She had been accusing me of doing the same for the past 2 years because I have a friend (21f) that has had a thing for me for a few years that I visit every few months, but I had never acted on it . My ex would get jealous that I'd see her and think we were doing stuff. Yet she was doing the very thing she was accusing me of. I've had every chance to, she does not hide that she wants me, but I've always rebuked it because I wanted to make things work with my ex and she's been respectful of that, not overstepping boundaries and telling me she wants to see my ex and I work if it'll make me happy. I've always had more of an older brother like relationship with her.

I just needed to vent and rant. At this point we are back to FWB (monogamous), while she earns my trust back. Idk if I can ever forgive her after this, and maybe I'm stupid for giving her this when she doesn't deserve it. I've been having panick attacks on and off since I found all this out. I'm in the middle of transitioning from one company to another, so that's been weighing on me too because I like the team I'm currently on but I'm trying to better my career. I was doing it to have more time to visit my ex and the possibility of a better long-term career for us. Now idk if it was worth it and it's too late to go back.

I know we weren't technically together, but she had made it clear that we were monogamous. So I didn't pursue or even try to meet anyone else, I didn't try to sleep around or anything, etc.

This was when I was unsure of myself in my transition and I will refer to this person in a gender neutral manner.

I had an ex who was into polyamory and on paper it sounded good. One of the first dates we went to a restaurant and they immediately want to flirt with someone else. They would always show interest in other people even on dates and everything was about sex. Other sexual partners of theirs would insult me because we were together. I was starting to get more uncomfortable with polyamory.

Later on we got involved with another polyamorous person who clearly was only interested in them. She was extremely rude and yelled at me at one point. My ex would ignore how she treated me. I started dropping hints of breaking up and my ex made me think they would change. They went on lying and cheating and when I found out, they accused me of being bipolar and immediately had a list of people they would date after me. I always asked their input before I made big decisions but I clearly didn't get the same courtesy despite being accused of using them.

Now I know this isn't all polyamorous people and I've been much happier without my ex. A fog lifted after they left and I feel sure of myself and the love for my hobbies again. Was I being gaslit?

Found a decision. We talked about it and apparently I'm a narcissist who causes conflict to arise just so I can shame her. I love her, but I don't think she's the one for me.

We've been together for half a year and, mostly due to circumstances, things are moving fast. We both have PTSD from a variety of events, including abusive families, past romantic and sexual relationships, and sexual violence. I've been diagnosed with ADHD and autism. She's been staying with me to avoid her abusive family. I don't mind, because I love her. However, there has been a lot of conflict lately.

• Inevitably, we trigger each other because we do not have a comprehensive list of all our triggers. When triggering her, my response has been attempts to make such a comprehensive list and keep these triggers in mind whatever we are doing, whether we are picking a film to watch or having conversations with others that veer into triggering territory. However, she hates this. She fears that I'm making a list of triggers just to use it against her. She also takes a while to recognise when she's triggered, meaning I often bear the brunt of her defensive behaviour. As well as this, she doesn't view my triggers as equally intense. Unless I'm shaking, crying, withdrawing, or having nightmares, my triggers are quirks to tease me about. It's hard not to resent her when she does this.

• She is not used to self-care. Unless we fight about it, her clothes go on the ground, used dishes stay in our bedroom, bedsheets go unwashed, and she'll often only eat what's available, even when it's long gone off. I am expected to clean up and provide food and I often do, but it's becoming a common cause of burnout for me. Although we both work, she says she does more physical labour as I am an office worker, so while I work twice as many hours, I should still have more energy to do chores.

• She doesn't recognise that I'm physically unwell. Because of my long hours and stress, my body is not doing too great and I can't make time to see a doctor. However, she still treats me like I'm physically well and when that causes me harm, acts surprised and tries to make amends, but never really acknowledges the state of my body. It's a tiring cycle and when I'm unresponsive to her attempts to make amends, she switches up and blames me for being careless enough to get hurt in the first place.

• She is not a fan of the "zombie effect" I experience when medicated for ADHD. Neither am I, but I need the medication to be able to manage myself and my responsibilities. However, she takes this up with me as though my focus and lack of excitement is a personal offence towards her and when I'm not amused by all of the points above, she believes that my sensitivity comes from a desire to hurt her, not from a place of genuine emotion. This makes conversations about everything harder, as it often becomes a debate about whether I'm genuinely emoting or just manipulating her into a state of guolt.

She says she loves me and that she will do what it takes to be with me. We have since agreed that she needs a lot of help. However, the points above are becoming a predictable pattern and I don't know if it's reasonable for me to simply take the damage she does to me up until the point she gets help and makes a lot of progress on her journey of recovery or if I should save myself the stress and leave her.

TL;DR: We had a talk because GF said she doesn't like some behavioral stuff about me. I said tell me what it is, and maybe I can work on it. She said no, changing, even just small changes, for the partner makes no sense, better find someone more "similar". It's a bad signal for me because it implies she wouldn't take compromises either. I can't see myself being with someone who can't talk about stuff like that and take compromises.

We've been together for more than a year. I haven't noticed it myself that much during that time, but we recently had a talk. She told me that she's unsure if we really fit together long term. Topics like differing interests and behaviors of me that disturb her. I told her I didn't know she dislikes my behavior for these specific cases, but if we talk about it, we can work on that. I'm happy to adjust some stuff like cleanliness at my home (we don't live together, and it's about stray newspapers, a pair of socks on the bedroom floor and the likes, for that particular case).

I thought I proposed a good and honestly quite normal solution. Talk to each other, take compromises for my partner, accept them not being perfect. Sadly, I was wrong. She proposed that she doesn't like the idea of me adjusting my own life for her sake. She also indirectly said it could be better to date someone that doesn't need compromising to fit her "needs". Obviously she didn't pick those words, but that's what I understood.

Now, I love my girlfriend and I obviously try to make it right for her. However, her not accepting that I'd change little things about my life for her sake is kind of a bad sign for me. She was so extremely against that, it makes me think she doesn't feel like taking compromises either. In fact, it's quite obvious now, she wouldn't really take a trade-off. And I'm not here for that. While I'm mostly fine the way she is right now, I don't think it's possible to be together without compromises for any couple. I thought back into the past a bit and it's true. She doesn't really do much to find compromises with me, it's basically just me who accepts her stance on whatever it's about.

Also, who happily agrees with every quirk and decision their partner has? You'll have disagreements, and sometimes it's not about who's right or wrong. You just have to talk about it and try to find a way around it. If it's a huge disagreement and there's no viable solution, fine. There are dealbreakers. But other than that, I'm sure you can find a compromise for most stuff. At least that's how it works in my mind if you really like a person.

Right now, I'm trying to find out if I really understood her correctly, but if nothing changes, I don't really see a future here. My two close friends that know about this both asked if I'm her first relationship, but I'm not. However, it from what I heard she was like that in previous relationships as well. But can't be sure.

Has this ever happened to you? Am I the weird one? Am I unfairly only telling my side of the story?

Hello, I(31M) guess I will begin from the start of this relationship. I became friends with Kay(24F) who is a is an ENM relationship with Jon(24M). Kay and I really hit it off and began being intimate. Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. While Kay and I were chilling Jon came home and was so upset he could barely contain himself. Kay's demeanor changed as well. I just ignored it. The next time I was going to chill with Kay, she couldn't because Jon needed to "apparently process something". A week later I met up with Kay and she said she was overwhelmed and couldn't hang out as often. I just took it at face value. I haven't seen her since. She continues to text me, and insists she wants to see me. I am definitely confused, but should I be worried?

I'll be going overseas soon to visit and stay with my cousins for a few weeks. I'm fairly close to them and we get along well, so it's not a problem interacting with them, as a generally shy and introverted person. However, I've absolutely no idea how to interact with their kids (3 and 7 years old). I've never been good with kids. I can't make funny faces, speak "goo goo ga ga" nor play with them or entertain them in any fashion. I mean, I could try, but it's just not in my nature, and it'll come across as really fake and forced.

Mind you, I don't hate kids, I just never interacted with them in any sort of extended fashion. I keep my distance from them and don't want nothing to do with kids in general. I don't find kids cute or funny or cuddly or anything of that sort, on the contrary, I find kids annoying and avoid them. I don't care about them to the point that I won't even ring my niblings and wish them a happy birthday, if I wasn't forced to by my family (and I usually try and weasel out of it by coming up with some excuse).

In saying all that, the reason why I'm asking this question is because I don't want them to grow up hating me or thinking of me like I'm that "weird uncle", cause maybe in the future, when I become old, I may have to rely upon them for whatever reasons. Like if I look at myself now, I have a good relationship with my elderly aunts and uncles, and they rely upon me for various things - mostly technical help, but even just in general if I'm ever visiting them I help them out wherever I can. Plus I enjoy conversing with them and learning of their various life experiences. I would like to have a similar amicable relationship with my niblings when I grow old, but I can't help think that I'm pushing them away due to my shy and introverted nature.

And as a reference, I have another cousin who's the exact opposite of me: typical extrovert alpha male type. He treats his niblings as if they were his own kids, like he does the airplane with them, takes them out for treats or other fun outdoor activities etc etc, and actually has conversations with them. I mean, that's all pretty cool I guess, but that's just not me. I do not intend to be like that.

I guess what I'm after is, what's the absolute minimal sort of interaction I can have with them, which won't feel too forced or fake or in-your-face (like definitely no "goo goo ga ga" stuff please), whilst still keeping up appearances and making me come across as a "he's a good uncle I guess, but just a bit quiet and shy" type of person? I've tried having "grown up" style small talk with them (like how's your day going, or stuff about the weather) and obviously that didn't work out too well. So I'd also appreciate stuff that I can talk to them about, like actual dialogues if possible, which won't seem fake or forced coming out of me, a shy and introverted person.

You cant afford paying half rent? You cant afford going to eat out together, to go on trips or to buy gifts? Do you know that you can only keep them company, give them your love and emotions, but you know that doesnt set you apart from the herd?

It's a sunny day, we're outside, good mood, drinking a coffee. I try to strike a conversation, my gf says its too early for philosophical discussions. I tell her we can instead talk about whatever she feels like. She says she doesn't want to talk about anything. We weirdly sit in silence for a while. I tell her it's weird to me, we argue. Is this normal?