DefinitelyNotAPhone [he/him] @ DefinitelyNotAPhone @hexbear.net

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5 yr. ago

I cannot imagine a world in which this ends in anything other than a mistrial. The state has an open and shut 2nd-degree murder case and decides to upgrade it to a 1st-degree charge, which is both much harder to pin on him and gives him a soapbox in front of the jury to explain why he did it.

There is no jury alive that would condemn him that doesn't comprise of 12 insurance executives.

One is Long Country, the other is Long March. Same difference, right?

Patrick Stewart, Ronald Reagan, Jonathan Price, young Bruce Willis.

There's a section of my brain that's just a constant loop of Chemical Plant Zone playing.

Broke: Concentrate on high-fidelity graphics and set pieces, constant emphasis on "realism", health regenerates when hiding behind cover like a coward, player commits fictionalized versions of real war crimes while the game tells you you're a hero

Woke: Shitty PSX graphics, constant high-octane organic set pieces as a result of the best mechanics ever, recharge health by literally bathing in the blood of your enemies, game makes it clear you are an omnicidal blood-fueled gay robot and 1000% the bad guy

There's a comedy script somewhere in here about a ghost realizing far too late that the young professional that just moved into the house its haunting is a lab assistant hungry for grant money whose response to seeing her furniture float is to start fantasizing about the Nobel prize she's about to win.

My biggest gripe of comically incompetent characters has already been well addressed elsewhere, so I'll go with my second least favorite trope: every single character being unlikable to the point where I have no investment in them.

There's this running undercurrent of horror films involving the worst people getting their comeuppance (which I'm cool with), but if every character in your movie is a serial abusive partner or a hyperaggressive asshole or the least charitable alpha cheerleader archetype or whatever I'm not going to feel any reason to care when they start getting offed by a ghost. It can be cathartic if there's one or two characters that fill this role, but if I can't make any connection with any of your characters then the film is just boring and painful to sit through.

Between these two tropes, there's not a lot of horror I actually do like.

Edit: One other thing that's not entirely on-topic, but relevant both to my general distaste for horror and the fact that someone mentioned Nope elsewhere: I think horror falls apart for me because it mostly only works if all your characters are useless. Nope is a fantastic film to me because the main characters are all competent, smart people who leverage their skills and strengths to overcome something much bigger and scarier than them, and outside of outright supernatural immortal slasher villains there's not a lot of horror antagonists that can't be felled that way, but it rarely happens. Nope is two hours of metaphorically watching neolithic humans take down a wooly mammoth because they bothered to use their brains, and it's awesome.

The bank's money is the capitalists' money; that's what they're loaning out to each other and investing into stocks. A mass bank run would run through Wall Street like a wildfire.

And the FDIC is the government bailing them out, that's the entire point of insuring money in bank accounts.

This is one of those things where I'm torn between "there's no way the cabal of competent capitalists running this entire circus would ever allow this because a bank run would destroy the mountain of fictitious capital that is their dragon's hoard" and "oh fuck, I'm not sure any of the cabal of capitalists that run this circus are competent anymore, they might actually do it."

My only critique is that they would not, contrary to propaganda, execute her via an anti-air gun and then send the bill for the ammo to her family afterwards.

I feel like the US is 5-10 years away from some mass hysteria movement, like a burgerfied Taiping Rebellion where someone declares themselves Jesus' third aunt and orders their legions of rabid followers to crucify every 5G tower in the country.

Hey Johnny, play that one about falling down the stairs!

Say what you will about Luigi's politics, but he's never actively funded genocide as a state actor as far as I'm aware.

I was going to say this doesn't cover every name since Lilith isn't on it, but they've got both Lily and Lilly there so it counts.

My slight-copium guess is that they're holding off to have it as a launch title for the PS6, but it's also possible they just lost all the original source code and would have to decompile the existing game to even build a starting point to remaster it.

All things that I don't personally like are capeshit slop, all things that I do like are unique artful masterpieces that can broach no criticism.

Anyway, this looks kinda cool, but I'm mostly just waiting for their mage-heavy game that they've had cooking in development for a few years. Or for Sony to get off their asses and port Bloodborne to PC so I have a panic attack against Father Gascoigne again, but this time in a crisp 144 FPS.

It 100% would've happened anyway, but Harper's Ferry was the fire under the southern aristocracy's ass to go through with it because suddenly there was a very real example of a northerner actively instigating mass slave rebellions to destroy their way of life. Had it not happened, the civil war might not have occurred for another decade or two instead of within five years.