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I've been unemployed practically my entire life and I don't know what to do about it

deleted post because of personal info, but thank you to everyone who responded and gave advice, it means a lot

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69 comments
  • Do you like the outdoors? Are you physically fit enough to work 8-12 hours moving things around? If so, and you live near almost any major American city I can almost guarantee you USPS is hiring any warm body that tries to get work. The process takes a long time sometimes but they're desperate (where I am the rumor is that they've completely stopped drug testing to fill vacancies).

    It's unionized, it's got okay wages if you're not in a HCOL area, the benefits are fine and you're prettymuch guaranteed plenty of work on the carrier side. Clerks are more hit and miss, rural carriers are their own bag of worms, but once you make regular you get a 401k type thing and there is still a pension, even if it's less good than it used to be. It also looks respectable to other organizations and (this is my perspective) feels like you're actually doing something helpful for real people in your community. Only job I've had that I've been proud at all to tell people I do.

    That said, management is shit, will treat you carelessly, and you'll be expected to learn how to protect yourself from contract violations because the work culture is insane. There's a lot of maladjusted people and old people with extremely backwards ideas, and your experience depends pretty heavily on the office and people in it. With your background and training you might be able to make the jump into the computer/programming end too, I wouldn't know how to help you there though.

    I'm not sure if this would be hope or Joker makeup. I think a lot of people who work for USPS alternate between the two. jokerfication

  • hey you sound just like me. except I don't have a degree and it's been 8 years since I last worked. and I just got on disability in February.

  • Have you considered volunteering? Show yourself as willing to work just for the sake of it, and you'll probably find at least one person there who can provide a reference for you.

    Also, having your own job might not be enough for complete self-sufficiency, but don't discount the feeling of being useful and worthwhile that having a job gives you. A job shouldn't be a prerequisite for that, but as things currently are, it does help.

    The fact that you actually want to improve yourself and earn your own way means a lot. Don't sell yourself short.

  • good ideas from comrades RE particular job opportunities, but i'd just like to broaden the scope of advice: you're facing a thorny problem that requires a holistic solution. if it were as easy as going down to the temp agency, or the union hall, you'd have done it by now. the fact is, you've made it this far on this path, because you've become incredible at avoiding and protecting yourself from psychic distress. but any move from here will be highly distressing; you need to build up the capacity to endure this.

    • you need to see a therapist. if you make excuses here, you're frankly not ready to be serious (i have every confidence you can dig yourself out of this hole, but have little confidence you can do so without seeing someone). you need someone whom you can develop a relationship with; whom you can confide your pain and anxiety; who can help keep you accountable; who can teach you how to show yourself/your past self grace; who can provide you w/ healthy techniques for dealing with psychic pain /anxiety when it arises; who can put you in contact with a prescriber in case you'd benefit from pharmacological intervention.

    • walking is good. add more intense cardio or weight lifting: this will alleviate psychic pain; make you stronger; give you more confidence; provide a template by which you can see yourself struggle and then arrive at progress and improvement, which you can take into other facets of your life.

    • take some classes, online, or better, at a local community college, that are related to your interests and past education. this will strengthen these skills, which have atrophied, and will put you in contact with people related to your field and interest. and, importantly, it will give you something to say -- if you're not working or learning, every interaction is a potential site of humiliation, as you may be asked, what do you? but if you're taking classes, you will be able to say that you are, and you can talk about your interests in those areas.

    • volunteer and/or take a low-commitment part time job. volunteering is as good as everyone has described it; you will feel useful and good. and a part time shit job is just fine -- it's part time, it's not the totality of your identity-- and there's a dignity in working and getting a paycheck, even for doing shit.

    • frankly, i really like the idea of going out for agricultural /seasonal work. it will get you out of the fucking house and get you some fresh air, you'll meet people, and costs will be low, you can bring interesting books for the evening and will have the opportunity to see and develop different aspects of yourself.

    • journal, or do mindful practices, or meditate. too much scrolling, too many screens, you need to practice sitting only with yourself, if only starting at a little a day.

    as you engage in the above, you can develop goals /ambitions, about what larger projects you want to pursue. you surely have a lot to give, but you need to put yourself in a position where you can give it. rooting for you bro.

    ~~

    I'll still be miserable with a job, just a different kind of miserable

    there's truth in this, as when Morrissey sings, I was looking for a job and then I found a job, and heaven knows I'm miserable now. and yet, i can assure you, as someone who once felt very much like you do now, you'll feel so much better and stronger on the other side.

  • Trade school. Union if its in your area. Electric/HVAC/Plumbing/Welding (and others, those are just what come to mind right now) are always needed. We need electricity, water, air conditioning, and welders to build shit. None require a lumberjack’s physique, and i know plenty of AC techs and electricians that work in shorts and running shoes. I work with plenty of other plumbers who don’t adhere to the traditional manly man stereotype. Same with the welders i know.

    Im not sure what your natural inclinations are, so i dont think i can give more than generalized advice, but trade schools usually have a network of employers that they can use a little good old fashioned nepotism with to get you onboard somewhere while you school so you can earn some dough while you learn your trade.

  • If you're not interested in the "tech industry" you might still be able to leverage your skills into IT (technically still "tech" but more about business operations than building spyware or BS apps). Look into getting some entry level certifications like the CompTIA A+ and go for help desk or IT support technician jobs.

    I could probably find another shit job like the last one I had, maybe I could flip burgers or clean up puke at a movie theater but it wouldn't pay enough to even live on my own so what's the fucking point. I'd be eating shit just to go back to my same sad empty life anyway.

    This isn't a completely bad option and might even be a necessary stepping stone since you've been out of work for so long, and employers sadly get to be picky these days due to the job market being very competitive for employees. Worst case scenario, you still live with your parents but have a bit more pocket money than you've had in the past few years.

    • If you're not interested in the "tech industry" you might still be able to leverage your skills into IT

      Exactly what I was thinking. Computer Science/Engineering are fundamental fields of study now, like learning math, because computers are everywhere. You don’t strictly need to build apps for a living just like a math degree doesn’t limit you to being a mathematician. There are many companies that need someone who can help the boomers manage some computer shit that might not even be difficult for anyone born after 1990.

    • Yeah good point. CCNA might be a decent choice too. Networking might be even preferable over tech support as it should be less time talking to strangers.

  • Living on your own is overrated American nonsense, just get a job and keep all of that money you'd be pissing away to a landlord. The only reason to live alone is if your parents are absolute wastes of space, theres no room, or if your job is far away.

  • My recommendation will vary with where you live. If you live in a reasonably dense area just go to a trade program get a Ambulance drivers license and work for that for a while. It is on the higher end of low end jobs. Easy to get, easy to do, better pay than you are getting. Looks good on a resume. Watching people die might get you thinking about stuff. Any resume gaps are explained by you werre working with a family landscaping business. Easy, no one cares enough about lawns to grill you on trade info you don't know.

  • This is so similar to my situation. I'm deeply anxious and have avoided life for...a long time. Gonna need to find an income soon, so really I'm looking for advice in this thread as well, lol. It's difficult to find motivation to get a job when you're already not finding much satisfaction in life. I suppose the hope is that any change or shake-up at this point can lead to at least something different and possibly even better. But I really do sympathize with the anxious fears you listed, just reading them caused me some symptoms

    Just want to let you know that I sympathize and wish you luck!

    Also, how did you manage to be life avoidant and not like videogames? Impressive

  • Have you tried agricultural labor? Picking fruit is pretty good because you can live in a tent all summer to keep cost of living down while making a bit of money. Depending what wages are like where you live it may even pay better than flipping burgers. Plus once you've done it you can use it to pad your resume really easily. Cherry season is probably just starting in the northern hemisphere and they really are the best thing to start on because they are light and pay well.

  • Does your city have a workforce development centre? Here there are specialist counselors at the county-level who help with career planning, accessing retraining grants, resume building/practice interviews, and non-predatory job placement using statewide databases and connections with the city/county.

  • There arent any good jobs they all suck, theyre all exploitative wastes of time. The line of thinking you have is largely irrelevant for most people and they even have to do two jobs or more.

    You use a shitty job to leverage into a better one until you eventually you can stomach staying. Only good jobs are for ppl with connections or theyre insanely lucky.

    The rest of us work and I think it's best to either realize that you either need to get over it and just try to apply to things to get a foothold, or just not work and stop feeling bad about it.

  • Assuming you're in the US because I don't know about elsewhere, you could check if there are any union trade schools in your area?

    Sometimes they'll pay for your schooling and you'll have a paying job as an apprentice right off the bat. In my area, depending on the trade, they don't care too much about resumes or work history.

    As long as you're able to do a short interview, perform the job, pass a drug test, and pass your classes, you're set. It can be hard work, but definitely something to look into.

  • It sounds like your parents are ok with the arrangement, assuming that's true you don't need to start right by jumping into the job market. I have a job and a house and I fucking hate it, if I had the time there are so many things I'd rather be doing. If you just spend time out in the community, being helpful and generally pleasant, you can make connections and there's a good chance one of those people will know of a good job opening for you, they might even end up being the owner if you're lucky. I'm not sure if that's viable for your situation or not, but don't assume you have to go straight to the exploitation machine

    • If you just spend time out in the community, being helpful and generally pleasant, you can make connections and there's a good chance one of those people will know of a good job opening for you, they might even end up being the owner if you're lucky

      not sure I know the meaning of the word "community". I've lived in the same house my whole life and I don't know any of my neighbors. I live in a suburb, not like the "Little Boxes" white picket fence kind but the kind where houses still cost $1 million even though half of them are falling apart and the other half are newly built by the Tesla-driving tech workers who recently moved here. densely populated enough that nobody really makes eye contact with strangers, so it's like living in a big city except without any culture or stuff to do. the worst of both worlds

      I go for a walk every evening and see 100x more cars than people, and half the people I see are getting into or out of their cars.

      I'm deeply socially avoidant and have a hard time connecting with normal people. I think it's partly due to growing up in a place like this, and partly just me. either way it's a problem I need to work on, but idk how to in this environment

      I suppose there is community in my neighborhood but it's not one I belong to - there is a Hindu temple a block from my house. they seem to be having a good time, I'm happy for them.

    • Yeah this isn't a bad idea. If you can pass a background check you can volunteer to drop in and TA in your local high school for example if you're up for it. When you're out in the world like that bumping into people it increases the likelihood of someone dropping you a line on a job like infinity % compared to staying inside staring at a screen.

  • To clarify your CG knowledge is as a software engineer or as an artist? IOW you know the math and can write shaders? These skills are applicable outside the games and film industries. You can apply them to machine learning, for example. Like I get that AI is a grift but it is what is currently The Hot Thing so the thing to do might be to contribute to some open source projects.

    oh i missed the part where you said you dont want to get into tech. nevermind.

    • your CG knowledge is as a software engineer or as an artist?

      kinda both but more the art side. I'm into stuff like procedural modeling, materials and shaders, so there's a lot of math and logic involved but it's all in service of making art, I don't really like programming for programming's sake. I mess around with node graphs a lot which is programming but I haven't actually written code in a while

      You can apply them to machine learning, for example. Like I get that AI is a grift but it is what is currently The Hot Thing so the thing to do might be to contribute to some open source projects.

      oh i missed the part where you said you dont want to get into tech. nevermind.

      yeah idk much about the machine learning stuff anyway, it wasn't really a thing yet when I got my CS degree. I had considered learning it years ago, before all the current hype around it but never did.

      I honestly think there's some genuinely worthwhile applications for AI in the field of computer graphics and video production etc. but the tech world is such a fuck, I don't want to be constantly having to look for a new job due to the tenuous nature of startup culture

  • I don't think it serves myself at all to believe that there's no hope for you. I can't help but think of a homeless man with a dog who aspires to more so that his dog will have more. As long as that ember in your chest still burns, you have a shot.

    I've heard that 3rd shift shelf stocking or night time security is the best first step for giga-NEETs. Especially security so you can browse your forums and watch anime while you do nothing (and call the police if something happens). Shelf stocking gives some people more meaning and, while you do stuff, you don't really talk to people and you just put your headphones on and listen to anime openings.

    But back to the idea of the dog. I think volunteering would do wonders for you. There are people who really need help, but you also really need to help. Someone down on their luck hardly wants to judge you on the way you socialize while you're holding out a hand for them. It'd be a real "who saved whom?" situation. You'd talk to people, make a little scratch, get inspired, and then you're back at base level among the living.

  • You are an excuse machine. No one likes their job. No one likes feeling alienated. It’s called living under capitalism, and it’s what everyone here hopes to change.

    In an earlier post you said you can drive. Get a job driving a van, say you have years experience at some shit company some relative has some connection too.

    If you don’t try any of the things people give to you as advice, don’t say you don’t know what to do

    • Were not supposed to be shitting on comrades here. I know it feels good to bash on someone with privilege to not be forced to work but its not really productive. Its just you making yourself feel better. You can do that elsewhere but not here

  • As a software developer I’ll touch on your “fuck the tech industry” statement.

    You don’t have to work for big tech, I have a fulfilling job at a small company of less than 10 people. If you like solving problems but not for big tech, there are plenty of options.

    • you're right and I shouldn't be so quick to dismiss programming as a profession based on big tech companies or startup culture, when there are a lot of different types of coding jobs out there. that said I don't feel that a programming career is the right path for me. to fully explain why will require a lot of context about my history with computers so I don't expect you or anyone to read all this shit lol but I feel like writing it down

      another fuckin essay about my life 🤡

      I got my bachelor's in computer science 9 years ago from a school which did not have a very good CS department. while I did well in school and took to coding fairly easily I didn't graduate with a lot of confidence in my programming abilities. of course I could have amended this with self-study and practicing interview questions etc. but my heart wasn't in coding unless it was for something I cared about

      so I decided to focus on VR software development, which was brand new tech at the time and something I was very passionate and optimistic about at the time. I was more interested in the non-gaming side of VR, like social and productivity apps etc. I learned Unity and worked on some personal VR projects that I never finished.

      the Facebook buyout of Oculus was a major blow to my interest in VR. seeing this huge tech company that I despised now driving the future of VR with a walled-garden approach was disheartening and demoralizing. FB was even pushing the social and productivity aspects of VR that I was interested in, and it was extremely cringe.

      in retrospect my interest in VR was incredibly naive and misguided. it was fueled by my social alienation and wanting an escape from reality - I've always felt fundamentally at odds with American capitalist society. now seeing these massive corporations trying to push escapist technology while material reality continues to worsen under capitalism makes me extremely uneasy.

      in fact the reason why I chose to study CS in the first place, at the tender age of 17, was because I already spent so much time on the computer as a teen, so I might as well do something with it, right? but this was naive too - my addiction to computers was unhealthy, it was an escape. and it took me a decade to reckon with this fact

      the irony of course is that I'm still addicted to screens, I'm still escaping reality, and I don't even have a career to show for it... oops! it's hard to change a lifelong habit, and without a job or money it's even harder to break the addiction as I can barely afford to leave the house


      tl;dr I don't want a job where I'm on the computer all the time, because I've now spent most of my life staring at a computer, and that's precisely what I need to get away from, for my own wellbeing

      • another fuckin essay about my life 🤡

        I got my bachelor's in computer science 9 years ago from a school which did not have a very good CS department. while I did well in school and took to coding fairly easily I didn't graduate with a lot of confidence in my programming abilities. of course I could have amended this with self-study and practicing interview questions etc. but my heart wasn't in coding unless it was for something I cared about

        I can relate to this, and although it may not be the same for you, but I was inherently unhappy and was making poor decisions in other places in my life. I first had to seek help and rectify those issues before I could focus on my career. I was lucky to have a good support system and worked for Apple at the time which was also very supportive.

        so I decided to focus on VR software development, which was brand new tech at the time and something I was very passionate and optimistic about at the time. I was more interested in the non-gaming side of VR, like social and productivity apps etc. I learned Unity and worked on some personal VR projects that I never finished.

        This is the perfect time to hone those skills, what with MetaQuest and Apple Vision Pro etc. if you have a device you could try and find some open source projects on GitHub to keep your skills sharp. It helps to find a project you’re passionate about as this makes it so much easier to grind it out. Again, other areas of your life have to be in order otherwise it can be hard to establish what is causing the lack of motivation.

        the Facebook buyout of Oculus was a major blow to my interest in VR. seeing this huge tech company that I despised now driving the future of VR with a walled-garden approach was disheartening and demoralizing. FB was even pushing the social and productivity aspects of VR that I was interested in, and it was extremely cringe.

        There is another headset company, but I don’t recall the name of it right now. I too am very anti big tech, even when I worked at Apple I would be questioning the managers about Apples morals all the time. Now I don’t have any social media but we program in ReactTS (Facebook) use Microsoft Visual Studio professional, server is C# etc. at some point you have to use the tools and separate them from the horrible things the companies do in other areas. Like I would never work for a gambling company.

        in retrospect my interest in VR was incredibly naive and misguided. it was fueled by my social alienation and wanting an escape from reality - I've always felt fundamentally at odds with American capitalist society. now seeing these massive corporations trying to push escapist technology while material reality continues to worsen under capitalism makes me extremely uneasy.

        I think this is only natural, and again can tie into just being unhappy in general and then we tend to wallow. For me it was Minecraft, I would be depressed, barely eating and doing drugs too much that I’d have no desire to do anything. But I would spend 5 hours in Minecraft looking for some carrots on a bad seed. As for being anti capitalist, me too. All we can do is our part. Don’t shop on Amazon etc and try to do the best I can in the situation I was born. Again it’s easier if you’re not self-sabotaging like I was.

        in fact the reason why I chose to study CS in the first place, at the tender age of 17, was because I already spent so much time on the computer as a teen, so I might as well do something with it, right? but this was naive too - my addiction to computers was unhealthy, it was an escape. and it took me a decade to reckon with this fact

        Again, being happier in life will stop things like that. I’m not 100% happy but now because I work on a computer Monday - Friday, the last thing I want a weekend is to go back on one. I now take long walks, planning on starting camping and I’ve become a film buff. There are days where it’s a grind to think oh no it’s Monday again already, but it’s either this or a bridge.

        the irony of course is that I'm still addicted to screens, I'm still escaping reality, and I don't even have a career to show for it... oops! it's hard to change a lifelong habit, and without a job or money it's even harder to break the addiction as I can barely afford to leave the house

        This can be difficult. For me I don’t have social media, left reddit after the api fiasco and now I only have Lemmy and YouTube. But like I say I try to go for walks and such and then don’t feel bad for using those two too much.

        As I said earlier I was lucky that I worked for Apple at the time I got my life together and I lucked out getting that job. In the UK I started a Xmas temp on the shop floor for three months. And as a natural introvert, I was adept at being a fake extrovert due to the drug usage and having too many friends. That meant at Apple I could be fake happy and over the top with customers. I would go home exhausted due to this, but after three months I got hired at the Genius Bar and did really well. The thing with Apple is everybody working there was highly skilled and motivated and that kind of rubs off on you. They gave us healthcare and I was able to get diagnosed with ADHD at 35. That was the start of the changes that led me to being a software developer for one year now and honestly all it takes is a few breaks a long the way to make drastic changes. Like I never had money, then I ended up with my dream job, no drugs, learned to drive etc.


        I guess what I’m trying to say is you’re not alone in the way you feel and my situation might not apply to you exactly, but more I wanted to let you know that as bad as things seem, they can change quickly. Importantly though it will take effort and you will need support and guidance along the way.

        I realise in America it can be harder as, no offence, your country is insane. Like the UK is pretty capitalistic in nature but to a lesser degree.

        If it wasn’t software engineering what would you say you could see yourself doing for the next few decades?

        Even if it is, you could look for jobs in an industry you support. Like I’m a leftist and I would love to work for Novara Media or something that aligns with my beliefs. Another thing that makes me happier is attending Pro-Palestine protests. Helps you realise you’re willing to fight for something and that as bad as it seems at times, it could always be worse.

        Sorry for the wall of text and any repetition, it’s been a long day and today is a train day travelling 40 miles to work as my car is broken and it’s been months since I raised a claim to the cowboys that sold it to me. Thankfully it’s only 2 days a week in the office and one I can use my mums car.

        Another quick one, it can be very hard to get motivated when we isolate ourselves.

  • Have you thought about truckin'?

    I worked for a while and whenever I get to drive a big truck it's pretty cool. I feel like a cool gal when I drive a big truck. Maybe that's something for you?

    Edit: I want to say that I only feel like a cool gal when I'm hauling big stuff. I'm not some kind of loser who has a truck as a status symbol

  • I'm kind of in the same boat. I haven't worked in over 10 years, but my disability benefits were taken away. I've applied for reconsideration and then appealed when that was denied because I can keep the benefits going while I wait for that to play out.

    My current plan is to get a shit job just to have something to put on a resume. Places like fast food and convenience stores will hire anyone who has a pulse and can make change. Maybe you can try something like that? I'm trying to stay positive about it by telling myself it'll be temporary.

  • I had a similar problem in my mid-20s: no obvious job prospects, no employment history outside seasonal and college-sponsored things, long employment gaps. I felt like a whole bunch of the possible jobs out there were places I didn't want to be seen.

    Eventually, I got to the point where that ultra-self-awareness was weaker than the desire to get employment. It ended up being a dead-end job, but that didn't bother me. Many of these dead-end jobs were either something I could learn from, or something I could meet people through (a HUGE amount of the social terrain just follows personal association in the workplace), or something that paid the bills and wasn't psychologically taxing.

  • Sure, its not going to be the most paid or glamorous job, starter jobs won't pay for you to be on your own generally. I'd try for online using that 3dmodeling etc, lots of demand in it for 3dprinting and AI as others mentioned, that or something with data would be your most survival and first steps toward refreshing yourself time and self management wise.

    Xthing there are no good singular survivable jobs, good jobs require connections that 99.99% of the populace lack and always will under capitalism. On reddit and shit you're seeing that .01 and a ton of bots, the most of us may as well be on Charon vs them the alienation is so vast. You're lucky to realize this, but still you have to survive in some way by their unfortunate fucked up and irrelevant rules. Those milestones are also not as universal as you think, so don't judge yourself harshly. Survival itself is a great feat under hell capitalism.

    Its not lying. You've been a freelance 3d artist all this time, throw in all the ATS words. It checks out, you are a 3d artist by training, so why not? In my experience even for entry level jobs you can't have a blank resume, just use your education as one job and your warehousing as the other and it should be ok, not great but it will get you an interview or two at whatever entry level deals maybe. Interviews you don't need to lie, just youtube up common interview questions and practice your answers.

  • I’ve never actively looked for work. I’ve never written a resume or a cover letter in my entire life. I’ve never been on a job interview

    My local unemployment office has free classes that teach all of these things. This may not be the case where you are, but you should check your local library, community college, etc for a class on resumes and job interviews. It will allow you to meet other unemployed people who are in a similar hole that you are in, where for whatever reason they just never developed these skills, and it will let you practice doing them in a low-stress environment. Don't stress yourself out about the time you feel like you wasted in the past - what's important is that you're not wasting the present.

    After that, the only way to get good is to fuck up enough times that you stop being bad. I would say I'm pretty good at job interviews at this point but I've had some really awful ones, ones where I got asked questions where I didn't even know what the interviewer was talking about, ones where I said some shit that I only realized after I said it sounded really bad in an unintended way, interviews where I would have given anything to just evaporate from existence rather than continue dragging it out. But I had those shit interviews, and then I had a hundred or so pretty good interviews afterwards.

  • I feel you.

    I'm 24 y/o now, and have never had a serious job interview in my life. The few jobs that I've had, I got through family connections, but I can't only rely on them (they're seasonal jobs).

    So, I'm planning to do something like cashier at a local grocery store now. They hire students with no real background in the field, and that's just what I have. Also, I'm trying to get to do some voluntary work (homeless daycare organization). Let's see how it all turns out.

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