Pastor Says Jesus Hasn't Returned Because People Haven't Donated Enough Cash

2000 years of tithing and it still isn't enough?

Because I've been to the Vatican and I gotta say, it looks like they have plenty of money.

Maybe they should try donating to other religions to make Jesus angry.
- Molesting kids: I sleep
  
  Donating to different religions: Real shit
  
  -White Jesus
This guy isn't affiliated with the Catholic Church. You see, the Catholics got it wrong so all the money donated to them doesn't count. Then the Protestants got it wrong so all the money donated to them doesn't count. Then the lutherans got it wrong so all the money donated to them doesn't count. Then the evangelicals got it wrong so all the money donated to them doesn't count. But then this guy definitely got it right, so don't worry; your money is absolutely definitely going to the right place when you donate to him and nobody else will come along saying he got it wrong.

Who knew that Jesus's return to Earth was a Kickstarter. Donate enough and you will be listed as a "Most Pious Backer" in the new edition of the bible.

I assume one of the stretch goals is to cure bone cancer in babies.

He created the baby bone cancer. One of the stretch goals is expanding baby bone cancer.
- So all efforts to cure cancer are in direct opposition to the will of god?
  
  …thought I was making a joke, but now I’m worried
Shoot, pay me enough money and I’ll dress up and say “I’m back!”

Soon enough the boomers and other old people will stop funding the churches since they will be dead and one by one the churches will all shut down.

The people will rejoice across the land.

Sorry but boomers didn’t invent stupidity and it won’t end with them
- I’m very aware, but it’s only accelerating as time goes forward.
  
  It’s exciting times I tell ya
Cute but their families are also funding.

Also Mormons. Anyone in the religion is giving a percentage.
- Largest land owner in Florida I believe was the LDS. Near 690,000 acres and because they are a church, no taxes. The standard suburban home in Florida used to sit on a 1/4 acre lot. The median property tax is $2,338 a year. That would mean the LDS would be paying ~6.4 billion dollars a year in taxes if that were owned by the common family. Just making them pay taxes would make them sell off a bunch to get some of the costs back. Imagine half of that going up for space to build houses at low prices because they all the sudden fed the area for 2.7 million houses into the market.
  
  Oops, house prices may fall, and a bunch of money just got fed into the government to build infrastructure for it.

Who'd have known an all-knowing, all-powerful, totally unlimited god would be limited by insufficient funds?

Air fare is expensive, ok??
- Could god create an airline so expensive, not even him could afford it?
God invented gold, right? Why does he need more?
- He gave his gnosis to the Tsaritsa.

The merchants are in the temple. The merchants are guiding the temple...

The merchants have always run the temple
- Hey what is so bad about selling a few indulgences now and then.

This is classic prosperity gospel shit. Why are we giving these people attention still?

God money, I'll do anything for you
God money, just tell me what you want me to

Another good one (although I think Roger Waters has lost* his mind in the last couple years)

What God wants, God gets, God help us all

Damn Jesus is a real whore

The actual issue is they have been using the wrong address to send the checks (which should be made out to cash). Its:

G's for Jesus
PO Box 4432
Chicago, IL 60608

That mexican bloke keeps wondering happily who keeps sending him money
Always giving the most to the holy ghost, amen
Heh

What does God need with a bank account?

Can't buy a sweet new Lambo with thoughts and prayers /s

Moneychangers in the temple. It's abhorrent on so many levels.

Jesus will not return. Fuck he has been on welfare for 2024 years. Why would the man return from retirement if he can live life as the richest person ever existed in a paradise that they told us all about /s

Fun fact - in both apocrypha and multiple gospels, Jesus is all like "don't carry a purse with you when ministering and just accept food and shelter when offered."

You can see attitudes against this prosperity BS in some of the earliest Christian documents, where in 1 Cor 9 Paul is arguing against preexisting attitudes in the Christian community in Corinth about whether he has a right to collect money for his ministering.

You even see in Paul's letters that he gets personally gifted a fragrant offering, which must've caused a bit of controversy as decades later in the gospels there's a part where Jesus gets personally gifted a fragrant offering and gets pissed at people saying he should sell it and give the money to the poor.

That part about "carry no purse and no money" gets explicitly reversed at the Last Supper in Luke. But curiously, it's not present in Marcion's version which was probably the earliest version of the text.

It's pretty wild that you had Paul - who called himself lawless, performed signs and wonders, was constantly swearing he wasn't lying, was a false prophet of apocalypse, and inserted himself into the center of the church - straight up representing positions exactly opposite widely alleged positions of Jesus's, and yet so many don't even blink an eye at their blind faith in the guy while frantically looking everywhere around them for "the antichrist" that's supposedly going to lead them astray.

That said, I have little doubt that Paul would be extremely pleased with the conmen that followed in his footsteps and the profits they raked in under his name.

And why not say (as some people slander us by saying that we say), “Let us do evil so that good may come”?

Romans 3:8

I AM GOD'S MESSENGER

...and what is God's message?

GIVE GOD'S MESSENGER MONEY!

And some people are stupid enough to believe him. 🤦‍♂️

If you unironically watch this person, you deserve to be taken for all your money. You don't have to give the ghoul on television money to make Jesus appear, you absolute twits.

It's a complicated situation with lots and lots of factors. Old people who are losing their ability to reason properly are one of their targets. The truth is, people like this guy should be under the microscope of government. His finances first and foremost need to be scrutinized but when half of US based Christianity is following the Prosperity Gospel, it's not going to change.
- Well first you’d have to get the government to stop trying to manipulate people for power in the same way

And people believe him.

Ah yes jesus has to pay rent to stay in heaven amd its inflation up there or does it cost a lot to travel between heaven and earth anyways help the guy out people

Look, he has a big inheritance, and all that, but it’s all tied up in legal fees, see. But one day soon? He’ll become the rightful king and stuff, but I. The meantime, he really needs the 500 social security check.

And if you refuse you and your kids and grandkids are going to hell.

But don’t worry, soon as he gets enough he’ll make you rich!

They totally missed the point

Even many evangelicals think this guy is a heretic.