can't remember this part in the bible
can't remember this part in the bible
22 comments
-
Normalize Jesus with a handlebar mustache
-
"Heaven yeah, brother!"
-
-
Origin of the term Pussy
-
Everyone knows white Adam and Eve spoke English with white God. And that paradise was a Jungle which is definitely a great place to exist naked with all those insects.
-
But the insects came after sin. Yes, all animals were there because evolution is wrong, but insects aren't animals because they come about via spontaneous generation /s
The logic of the 17th century. Although modern creationists have updated it to "all orders / families are a Kind (whatever the hell that is), but insects are their own Kind so there was just this one really nice bug and parasites magically started evolving after the fall."
-
If you sin or hide away from god he makes a parasite whose lifecycle involves crawling up your peehole and laying eggs in your anal wall.
-
-
-
But I can still keep the dinosaur, right?
-
Ugh fine. But I can still get deep throated by the giraffe right? That's like the whole reason you made them isn't it?
-
Tigers are sexy af and he's obviously into it, practically on top of me even with others around. You're just mad because you can't get face-fucked by this magnificent muscular beast. Go on and prance around with your little lady, Jesus, I've got testosterone and sement in my evening plans.
-
Never heard of something so manly as a man fucking a tiger... Other way around is fine toooo
-
-
This meeting of Get Rid Of Slimy girlS is now called to order, first Tiger Hobbes shall read the agenda!
-
Gotta stick to tiger thank you very much
-
Literally 1984
-
"On the Eigth day Adam and the tiger created furries"
-
This was clearly how Tony was made
-
-
It's sorta in there. The modern evangelical view of Genesis is that all the parts where god seems like a person is really Jesus. And the wording heavily implies that Adam was going around trying to to find animals to fuck.
It is all retrocons and select editing. The first few books make so much more sense when you just think that that there was a sorta Justice League of superheroes going around doing stuff. Over time the concept of the superhero El just kept growing and growing and Jesus kept growing and growing until they got merged into the Trinity with tri-omni powers.
-
Jesus didn’t exist yet though.
-
That's his dad. You can tell they're related.
-
Don't ask me to justify it but the modern view among evangelicals is that he is the one doing all the anthropomorphic stuff in Genesis. Also according to the Gospel of John he would have as a celestial being.
I almost feel bad for apologetics types sometimes. Having to square the circle.
-
22 comments