Meh, it gets a bit unsettling and empty when you get into your 40s. At least it did for me. We had a kid (much) later in life and I'm glad we did. We had our DINK fun in our 30s, and I still long for those days sometimes. But having a kid is like filling a hole you didn't realize you had. And there are moments of joy and bonding that are simply indescribable.
Anyway, to each their own.
I wouldn't attempt to persuade anybody to have children, but being a dad has been the best thing in my life bar none. I was that rare custodial single dad to a daughter and certain years of financial struggle aside, I wouldn't trade the experience for all the wealth on the planet.
She's grown now. Today it's a friendship/mentor/advisor relationship in which we play the mentor/advisor role with each other. I give her guidance, and she does the same for me.
She has no plans to have children because she sees bringing a child into this shit stain of a timeline as a moral failure, and I'm fine with that.
She says she may adopt someday, and as the son of a mother who suffered the American foster care system, I can't see that pursuit as anything other than noble.
But really. If you're happy not having kids, I support that. I truly do.
I'll conclude with this - she made me a better person, and for that, I'll be eternally grateful.
[wipingTearsWithWadsOfMoney.gif]
As I write this, a neighbor's child is bawling publicly outside my home.
Yeah, all parents seem to want to tell us how their life was meaningless before they had kids, but I'm good.
I've seen some of the most insanely inappropriate behavior from kids. Yes the fault is mainly the parents but the other day a child literally tried to take my milkshake because they could. It was awkward and if I'd been a couple steps further away I think the kid would've grabbed it out of the worker's hand. The parent said nothing, probably because they spend all day every day saying no and it's exhausting.
That's the best.
And yet here we are doing the same thing
With my entire paycheck*
Same here man. During the pandemic, my work said "Pandemic is over, come back to the newly built building we are losing money each month". A bunch of us quit instantly and they then said " Hybrid" then said " Once a week". Last I heard it's optional.
I have friends who didn't have kids and all of them either end up "adopting" friends who were young and needed a mentor or doing something more meaningful with their lives. One became a professor and is a mentor for kids and the other one became a local radio host that helps people through their emotions.
I honestly didn't know what I was missing until I had my son. To each their own.
Yeah totally, working and commuting to a job you can't stand to have most of your income taken away by payments and loans. But at least you get to vacation to places that lie further away because you were able to save up more. Because long distance travelling will definitely fulfill every need and longing you have.
Now, back from the negative. To each their own. No one should have kids if they don't want to. But a life without kids is also not just fun and cookies. In our society you are left with little time for yourself and your hobbies no matter whether you have kids or not. Most of us have no attachment to our jobs, we know they are bullshit jobs and salaries are compensating their lack of meaning. I can't understand how people want to find fulfillment in their jobs, something to live for and to draw value for your life from. A minority does have important jobs that can give you a sense of meaning (I imagine nurses, social workers, teachers) but these are usually so underpaid and have such horrible working conditions that it circles back to how can you live for that. You're replaceable. No one will thank you for your service down the line.
You can find joy in hobbies or travelling. But is this what makes your life meaningful? Does that glass of red wine in the evening and good food give your life purpose? On the other hand, do you even need a purpose? Maybe a hedonistic approach of taking just some simple pleasures from your existence is enough, but man I hope realisation won't hit when you're older that you have not tried anything of significance.
But all of that being said, this is not a reason to have kids. Kids are just a very straightforward way to add purpose, meaning, and fulfillment to your life. It is hard and exhausting and makes you angry and frustrated all the time, but this is also what makes life worth living. No one really wants to live wrapped in cotton candy. People who cannot or choose to not have kids can find fulfillment in other aspects of their life. But I'd argue that a sense of being a person close to other people, a social being with commitment and responsibility for someone else, is almost always necessary.
I'm in a DINK couple (just to be clear) and one thing people often don't speak about is the negative aspect of that choice when we get older. You might do whatever you want while you're young, odds are that if you need care when you're old, your only source of help will be professional, not personal.
Let's not pretend nothing positive comes from having kids, especially not on a platform where people keep complaining about being lonely.
Heck, go volunteer in a long term care facility and tell me there no difference between the amount of care that people with and without a family receive.
