I am *straight*

TIL therapists diagnose your sexuality.

guy walks in the room*
Therapist: writes GAY in their notebook, underlines it*
- "I know it. Your family knows it. DOGS know it!"
Mine diagnosed me as being sexually attracted to therapists. I told them that's not a sexuality and to continue analyzing me...
- So are you still seeing them?
- Good old massage therapy...

I think he's the straightest of them all. He's straight. He. Is. Straight.

Straight.

He's so straight (how straight is he?) - why he's so straight that he manages to like women, even though... oh uh I mean yeah he's straight! :-P
- He's so straight he doesn't like anything with curves! Boobies? Nope. Pussy, not straight enough!
  Booty? Dudes got straight, flat booty, not bad not bad. Dick? Straight as an arrow, my kinda body part!
  Not gay just OCD for straight things and he just for some reason can't shake the need to put them in his mouth.
Ghey
Around here, in less politically correct times there was once a comical sketch on TV of a guy who was so straight and liked women so much that he had a sex change operation to become a woman, and thus became a lesbian woman.
That's the ultimate straight guy right there!

I mean yeah, he likes to have dudes suck his dick, but that doesn't make him gay, the guys sucking him are gay, duh.

Beat the guy afterwards for being a dirty homo. That way nobody will think you're gay.
- it's okay if you suck a little dick, as long as you don't kiss him on the lips it's fine.

Lol unrelated to this dude's issue, I wish I could just go to a therapist and vent, because I can't express myself like that to anyone in my life, I'm expected to be a supporter. But there's nothing clinically wrong with me

My friend, you can just go to a therapist and vent, you do not need a clinical issue or diagnosis.
- And therefore pay out of pocket?
- One of those "if you're on time you're late" situations. The best time to go is before you need it
You don't need a reason to see a therapist. And just because you don't have any easily diagnosable label for your mental state doesn't mean therapy couldn't improve your life. There is probably <1% of the world that are enlightened enough that they genuinely wouldn't benefit from the experience
- If it isn't covered by insurance, I'm paying out of pocket to vent. No way.
Try making a WordPress blog that no one will see.
I never thought to do this until I decided to make one to cover my attemp at learning the development "trade" but it devolved into me just ranting about my issues with myself lol
Feel you there. I need someone I can just talk to for like... 4 hours. Just dump everything out and get all the shit I went through outloud and try and process it that way. No one really knows what I went through. I tell bits and pieces to people but it's just way too much for most people and makes them feel weird or uncomfortable. I just need someone to listen and then tell me that I'm going to be okay or alright.
I need Data from Star Trek as a counsellor.
- Just tell it all to ChatGPT 😁
You just defined therapy. It's one kind of therapy, and it's expensive to use it for this purpose, but it's therapy.
- Obviously? I'm saying I'm in a band of people who don't have access to it without paying out of pocket, and taking a spot from someone with actual clinical issues
Why pay a therapist to vent to when you have us :3

I CHOOSE to drink!

And I can stop anytime I want to, I'm telling you! (bawls: I'm straight, I promise you I'm so straight...)
- Reminds me of that old post about how someone hated weed because it made them want to suck their friend's dick

Sure you are man. Sure you are. You know I thought I also experienced sexual attraction until I realized my own mother was correct that I am asexual. Welcome to the alphabet mafia (LGBTQ+ community)

Did someone really post this? In 2024?

yeah, I thought we killed satire years ago!
- Satire is alive and kicking
  /s
- The goal posts keep getting moved so much that it's a whole different sport, but some still manage to score.