"Is that what we're gonna do today, we gonna fight?"
For the past year ive been struggling with my body image because of a small amount of weight gain even though im fully aware im not fat. I love my husband to death, but i wish he had done the below when i expressed disliking my physical appearance.
Stop and hug them. Give them reassurance through physical contact. Tell them you love them. Hearing it, even when you know you are loved, is reassuring. Tell them they're beautiful and compliment something specific about them, like the color of their eyes or a cute mole. Then, treat them to a date somewhere they can dress up "fancy", spend the night complimenting their appearance, and "show them off" as if you cant help but brag to the world that a beautiful woman like her chose to be with you that night.
"Have you tried eating less than a metric fuckton of junk at every meal, ya goddamn ham planet?!"
That'll work.
You have to rebuke her. For real. Go like this:
" Don't you dare! I love this lovely girl here. Don't you dare badmouth her or you'll have to deal with me! "
(and not a word about fat or weight or width or any outside descriptions, because this is only about self deprecation)
“Phew! I thought you were pregnant.”
After having some nice intimate time, during the quiet afterglow, ask her how her self esteem has been lately. Maybe she's feeling down and wants to talk about it.
Once her feelings are in the open it will be easier to feel out a solution.
My partner flat asked if I still find her as attractive as I used to. After some thought I said the following, "I don't think that's fair. You're asking me to rate someone I care about so much. I don't want to do that. I love you and just want to be there for you, with you."
Tbh, I don't know what the right answer might be for others. I'm not that wise. All I know for certain is how I feel and hoped that was enough. It was, though I am sad that I can't take her self-esteem and tear away those damn chains that hold it back from growing.
“I want you to be happy with your body, if you need me to reassure you about how attractive you are I can, or if you want me to support you with changing your weight I can. I love you and your body”
At least that’s basically where I go as a woman with a healthy weight but body image issues for not being underweight and a wife who gained a lot of weight over the pandemic and a girlfriend who is in the “needs to lose weight for her health” range.
I am hung up about weight like this. Spent so long on the far side of skinny that smack in the middle of healthy makes me feel I look fat. I do say I am fat, I know objectively that is not true but I miss being too skinny. Just venting really.
I think just say that she is built great now, and you like it, but it's her body. She probably isn't worried that YOU think she's fat. She is bothered because SHE thinks she's fat.
Slam your fist on the counter and shout " I'm fatter, dammit!"
"Hi Fat, I'm nobloat!"
Tilt your head down to her stomach and coo "om nom nom" playfully
This is a canon event, we may not intervene.
In all truthfulness, this caused a major rift in my past relationship and I’d love to see how it panned out for others.
"No, you look fucking awesome."
"I love all of you"
Whatever you do, don't reply "not that fat"
First, try to understand what's actually being said here. Sometimes I call myself fat because I'm above my target weight. But in my case my self-esteem is just fine: I'm a former gym rat who knows where I am, what I need to do to get back in shape, and that I'm still okay if I don't get there. Saying "I'm fat" is a light jab at myself and a reminder to take steps toward my goals, nothing to worry about.
If your GF is calling herself fat more hurtfully (which is sadly common) the issue is not how fat she is or isn't. That's just a symptom. The issue is whatever negative feeling is prompting her to tear herself down. Arguing with her about whether she's actually fat won't help with that, and might even do more harm than good. Maybe ask her how she's doing, remind her that you love her just the way she is.
IT'S A TRAP! I don't have an answer. I just want to wish you the best.
My gf has been asking me repeatedly if I think she's a cow.
I said no for about a month or so when I remembered what I'd told her not lokgn after we started dating: I'm just going to agree with anything negative you say about yourself until you stop saying it.
Responding with things like: yes, yes I do.. or: MOOOOOOO. Or: yeah, a dn sexy cow, lemme see them milkers, seems to have put a stop to it quick. Or any of the self deprecating tracks she tends to get on.
It seems to be the only thing that gets her off these weird self de}reacting spirals for some reason
She kept on asking if she looked like a Teletubby for a while so I kept saying . "Tubby custard" at weird times and it stopped.
If this sounds mean, I'm very supportive and often compliment her )looks / accomplishments and she usually laughs when it happens. It's not done with malice and we both laugh at it.
"More cushion for the pushin'"
and
"I like 'em real thick and juicy"
have worked well for me.
Oh me too
Sometimes people will say something negative about themselves because they're hoping you will say something positive, instead. I used to do the same thing. Whenever I was feeling insecure about my looks or weight, I would say something negative about myself, because my husband would tell me it wasn't true and would give me compliments that would boost my self-confidence. I don't do that anymore, because it's not a very healthy way to be confident in yourself, but it certainly was effective. Do you think maybe your girlfriend is just feeling insecure about herself? I would talk to her about that to see if maybe it's something she'd like to work on in herself. You can also try to give her honest compliments on a regular basis. It's hard for a girl (or guy!) to feel unattractive if her loved one is telling her twice a day that her shirt looks good on her, or he loves her laugh, or he thinks she's pretty.
"That just means you're plushy like a big ol' stuffed animal!"
Then lift her shirt up and raspberry her stomach.
"You are not fat, you are delicious"
Then give her some love bites!
"okay"
"You sure are, P H A T! Pretty Hot and Tempting! "
Other than saying things like, you dont look fat to me, i would love you even if you were the size of a whale, etc.
One thing that i find is pretty useful for all people to remember:
When you see other people who are overweight or a but chunky, etc. Do you judge them for it? Do you focus on it and think "whoah look at fatty over there!"?
I don't. Sure, i notice when someone is fat, but only as much asbi notice someone whonis really thin or just a normal weight. It doesn't change how i interact with them or if i would be their friend, etc.
Other people aren't judging you if you are fat. (Im sure there are some, but they are terrible people, and their opinions dont matter)
Most people are too concerned with how they look to notice/care about how you look. So dont worry about it. Just aim to be healthy. Dont stress over weight for looks.
As someone's girlfriend myself, I'd say acknowledge both her weight gain and the fact that she's not technically overweight (I'm assuming this based on you saying she is "not fat at all", but you can look up some local statistics in your country to see for sure). To me, it would completely mess up my ability to gauge my own size if I were lied to about having gained weight. (This has happened to me and it makes it confusing to buy clothes because I have absolutely no idea what size to try on. Pants look like they'll fit fine and then they're completely wrong in the fitting room.) So tell her that yes, she has gained weight (and that's okay).
One approach to weight gain, if she really has gotten significantly bigger, is that people can be simultaneously fat and beautiful. I won't go into detail, but you can look things up. There's a world of beautiful fat ladies out there.
Another approach is to recognize that society often tells women they have to be beautiful --- but that's not true! Your girlfriend isn't here to look pretty; she's here, like everyone else on this planet, to have some fun in life. So my perspective on it is that I'm not beautiful, and that's fine because I'm not here to be easy on the eyes, I'm here to play video games and go swing dancing and learn new recipes. Similarly, my body's purpose is not to appear beautiful; my body's purpose is to carry me through day-to-day things, like dancing and eating good food and moving into a new apartment. To that end, I go to the gym just to be strong enough to do what I want to do (like lift boxes into my new apartment), not so I can look good for some other person's opinion.
It might not go over well if you were to tell her this right now when she's sensitive to it ("Hey babe, yeah, you're fat and ugly, but hey, you're ugly despite being fat, not because of it! They're two separate things! And also, it's okay you're ugly! You're clearly not here to be pretty!"). But this is a mindset that has very much helped me personally over many years, and maybe you can introduce it slowly to her and explain it in a way she will understand. You know her better than any internet stranger.
Here in the US there is always going to be messaging telling women they need to be underweight. Having had a friend who died while anoexic and underweight (I can't be sure of the causal relationship but I'm sure malnutrition was a factor) the danger of body dysmorphia is, to me, very real.
I'd say someone's negotiation with their own body is up to themselves and their doctor, but even primary care providers in the US are freaky about weight. Are you a fat lycanthrope with cancer? Statistically your doctor is most likely to fixate on your extra girth.
Phat like 1994!
That depends heavily on who she is, and what your relationship looks like; a lighthearted response might work best for one person, while launching into a serious discussion about body image might be best for another.
My go-to response when my wife says something bad about her body is to just respond with "You're beautiful." and leave it at that. Sometimes I throw in a "Hey, don't talk about my wife like that!" for good measure.
"No you aren't"
Making beeping noises when she backs up
It's a trap. There is no good answer. You need to turn around and walk until you pass out. It's over.
I'd say nothing, it's a statement. Doesn't require any response from me.
Just tell her it's going to the right places. My wife gained weight during pregnancy but she's hot as hell still, that's what I tell her.
Remind her of how big her hugs are now.
Are you solutions-oriented about it or in the feelings stage?
Dude if your GF is looking for validation and she’s not fat, your job is easy as fuck here
"no, you're thicc"... then explain to her it's the most popular body type by today's beauty standards... which fluctuates and health and happiness are all that matters... and youd love her if she was a brain in a jar, but she happens to be really hot... something like that
also, get an Australian Cattle Dog... that'll force ya'll to be more active...Whatever you say you'll be wrong. If your answer is "You are not!" then she will blame you "You are not looking at me at all. Am i not pretty for you?" If your answer is "Yes you are!" then you are screwed. If your answer will be silence then she will do the same as the answer would be "Yes you are!" but she will add... you are a coward.
"Same"
I mean... I like curves so if my SO gained a few pounds that could be a good thing attractiveness-wise. If it bothers them then Id try to be supportive of any (healthy) decisions that they make to lose weight or to cope mentally with that weight gain. eg. go on walks/exercise with them, eat less junk food/try to cook better meals etc.
Would it be weird to ask if she wants to workout with you if she feels so insecure?
You are not fat, you are bulking, keep doing that
(Ronnie Coleman's voice) LIGHTWEIGHT BABY!!
"It's been a weird few months. I'm going to work on eating better if you want to join me."
Start singing and dancing to “Fat” by Weird Al. Bonus points if you have a few friends with you to recreate the moves in the music video.
Get real dude, the first thing you should do is accept your fatdom reality and be extremly ashamed of your fatdom and unhealthy behaviors, this sick mindset that will eventually led you to die of cardiovascular disease or diabetes, like do you really want to be remembered for dying due to your fatdom
After reflecting about all that, begin a diet and working out and invite her as well. Quit fatdom for your own good, or this grillfriend will dump you out soon enough
You ain't, but join the gym to keep it like that.
Get real dude, the first thing you both should do is accept fatdom reality and be extremly ashamed of your fatdom and unhealthy behaviors, this sick mindset that will eventually led you both to die of cardiovascular disease or diabetes, like do you guys really want to be remembered for dying due to your fatdom
After reflecting about all that, begin a diet and working out and subtly invite her as well. Quit fatdom for your own good, otherwise if she doesn't accept quitting fatdom you should dump her, because that's clearly the worst redflag in all the world.
