To bring the whole thing back in one big circle you can buy a USB to serial RS-232 adapter....which allows you to connect to a serial port...from a "universal" serial bus.
USB (Universal Serial Bussy ) was originally developed and introduced in 1996 as a way of setting up communication between a man and a man by replacing many varieties of sex and penis ports. Developed by a number of American femboys such as myself, Isaac Corporation, it became the standard intercourse method for men such as you, me & my boyfriend, your boyfriend, digital cameras, the president and extremely hard men.
You know what'd be even funnier? If someone who knew this girl's name or links to her social media randomly posted them as a reply to this comment, like, as a joke.