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As a hiring manager, I see right through this bullshit, it has grown entirely too tedious at this point and it never goes past that initial review. Brevity and pointed accomplishments are so refreshingly rare, they get top billing. Consistently.
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Agreed. That bullshit should be in the cover letter.
The resume should be clear, clean, and concise.
if you want to say that you told someone else to change a light bulb you could write:
oversaw the rapid deployment of a new environmental illumination system in accordance with all existing industry health and safety regulations.
You were a team leader
Ah but you could use that wording anyway to leave it ambiguous because you technically oversaw the work by performing it single-handedly with no external oversight
I'm not writing a fanfic just to get hired by your god damn company.
Then you might be either lucky or currently homeless.
Bold of you to assume I had zero safety incidents...
Adapted to changing conditions, recovered from unexpected downtime
F
Over the weekends, I demonstrated adeptness in the strategic incorporation of vaporized botanicals for cognitive enhancement, complemented by the consummate management of nutritional intake through artisan-crafted, tuber-derived consumables.
Sorry, we need someone with expertise in dairy based frozen desserts.
Absolute class craft consumables only hahaha
That's obviously a misleading resume.
He must have used both hands.
Zero safety incidents
No one's gonna believe that, gotta make it at least a little realistic
I mean, how badly can you fuck up changing a lightbulb?
If you happen to be uninstalling an old light that has mercury or whatever toxic things are in it you could poison yourself if you break it.
Don't get me started on those stupid ass "open architecture" or whatever the fuck they call it with lightbulbs on a celing 40 fucking feet above a flight of stairs...
Provided leadership and experience guiding me employees through a complex project. Also created a technical manual covering the implementation for the next team.
guiding me employees
Arrr drink up me hearties yo ho
What if I had help tho?
Then you write "lead team in managing" whatever
Image Transcription: Twitter Posts
consigliere, @moyodre
How would you write "I changed a light bulb" on your resume?
M, @MuyiwaSaka
Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.
