I'm here if anyone ever needs someone to talk to
I'm here if anyone ever needs someone to talk to
About anything. Anything. No judgment.
11 comments
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I ate a dog biscuit when I was 5 years old.
I'm 42 now, do I need help?
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I ate dog biscuits as a party trick when I was 12 years old. They were fairly bland.
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Way to trivialize what might have been something someone needs right now.
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I ate cat food when I was about 8. I was sitting with some friends in their backyard and put my hand down and it landed inside a bag. I thought it was a bag of some kind of snack food, so I ate it. It did not taste very good.
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If you start growing dog ears it might be a good idea to visit a doctor. If it's just a tail there's nothing to worry about. Maybe.
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11 comments
I don't want to do it today.
Im tired of my husband not knowing what to do to help me when I'm feeling fragile.
Clean! Clean the fucking house for me so that I can wake up and not worry about chores for one fucking day. Because the work just piles up when I'm depressed. We have traditional roles, he works and pays for stuff, I do nearly everything on the home front. I have a son, who he definitely does great with being step dad but holy fuck I feel like Im drowning. Im okay with this most of the time, but my house is such a meas right now I can't focus.
Read the internet, it's just bad bad bad bad more bad stuff everywhere. Try and ignore the internet.. aka reality of the world, and it brings no joy either. Reminded I have no friends left. I haven't made a new friend in ages. I've never known true connection.
I keep dreaming about taking a day trip up to Maine, but can't because my husband refuses to pay for the tolls in Massachusetts, and has accumulated so much in fees the car isnt legal to drive through mass. So unless I want to reroute through all of Connecticut and New York state, I'm just stuck. And it doesn't matter, even if I got to take a day trip to wherever, my house is still going to be a fucking mess when I get home. Who's gonna clean it? Me. And how long is Maine going to be beautiful? They just green lit destroying marine life conservation, and all the rich fucks are now moving there.
I miss having my own money, I miss my stick shift cars I enjoyed driving everywhere. I miss having hope. My son is special needs in a way that isnt obvious. ADHD, ODD, conduct disorder. He tried to fight me because I asked him to brush his teeth this morning before we went to his dental appointment. It turned into a whole thing, and then I couldn't find my keys, and I just, fucking lost my mind.
I've spent my whole like just trying to be a good person, and look where we are. Where are the good people? The people who try better tomorrow than today? Where are they?
This world is shit. Humans are shit. I don't want to be human anymore. I don't want to suffer for another 37 years I want to fade away and forget it all.
I don't believe in god, I believe in nature. We should be protected the planet and all it's people and beings. Everytime I read an environmental set back (oh there are so many) I feel like they are killing my god. I don't want to live like this.
But this is how it is. I've so many dishes to do today, just so I can make more preparing meals for others. My husband's idea for helping is ordering take out. That's not what I want to help. Do something kind for me christ sake. He's fun and kind, but even, we went and visited his grandmother yesterday, and when it was just me and her she asked about my garden. I told her I got some new beds in, she asked if (husband) built them for me. I giggled, no, he paid for the materials, but I did it.
He promised to get the dishwasher replaced. Its been broken for three years. He wont even get it removed so i can use thf empty space under it. When the kitchen faucet broke, I had to grt angry before he'd fix it. "I don't use it so I didn't realize it got so bad" no shit!
Im just tired of feeling like it's the right thing to do to do things for others, but who does shit for me? I try and carry on, because I am in charge of myself, but holy fuck. We've not been on a date in ages, he's depressed too. Idk. I'm bitching now.
I still don't want to be here. Its just a matter of making it bearable.
I'm going to ask my husband to go for walks with me one day a week. I realized his depression is also really suffering. I checked his toothbrush this morning after he left for work. He's not even brushing his teeth.
Ive asked for him, a few years ago, to work out with me. I asked every few months for nearly a year. He won't.
He doesn't take me on dates, it's been years. He doesn't flirt with me. He is loyal, honest and responsible, respectful. He's my best friend. But a short walk once a week isn't a lot to ask, and for a man whos best coping skill for his own depression is avoidance and distraction, I'm have to ask for this walk. Just once a week, to help us both. He is so miserable, I bring him joy, I'm funny, and goofy and we have a lot of fun. But when I'm down, and can't make him laugh, we just suffer silently apart. But he's letting his hygiene suffer, and doing anything but spending time alone with screened distractions in his free time. Sure, I can go sit with him, but I am hollow. I won't sit by and watch my husband rot.
That's my solution. He take one short walk with me a week, or I stay on the couch until he has a better idea himself. I've nothing to pull from today, this week, this last month. I am empty. The stifling ideation has past, thank god, you want brain thought during a panic attack read the above. But, I know its reprieve only temporary. I've the coping though. On to the next day.