2mo ago

Is it common to have trouble remembering important details?

I forget medical info all the time. When was my last dentist visit? I dunno. Which kid had their tonsils out? What's my blood type?

Wife asks "remember when I had strep last year?" No...

Has anyone in my house had COVID? I think so, but which one(s)?

I forget vacations we took, what states I've been to.

Terrible at remembering people that I've met even a bunch of times.

Horrible at work. I'm on top of what's happening now, mostly, because I have notes, but what happened a year ago? Gosh.

It's really frustrating living like this, but I don't know how much might be my ADHD and how much is just me having a bad brain.

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Medical personnel: Hello, you waited so long for this important appointment, let's get started right away, yeah? So tell me about your symptoms.
My brain: (white noise)
Fucking worst.
- Oh also, especially fun in context of ADHD and various psychiatric comorbidities:
  Medical personnel: Do you ever experience [situation]?
  Me: oh yes, all the time.
  Medical personnel: Can you give an example?
  My brain: (whiter noise)
  
  Interview for a new job for which I am perfectly qualified: "Tell me about a time that you something which I do at least weekly in my current position"
  My brain: (white noise)
- Oh yeah. I'll be complaining about this or that to my wife as things occur, and when I finally have that Dr appointment, he asks, anything else going on that's bothering or concerning you?
  Nope! Can't think of anything!
  Then later, I get home and she asks what the doctor said about all the things I've mentioned to her. 🤦🏻‍♂️
  
  Especially in a country where healthcare is expensive, that's really frustrating. That always happens to me, even when I'm taking a kid to the pediatrician. If I didn't have notes I'd be completely lost.
  
  That's the reason I keep so many fucking lists
- Oh my gods, you see me!
- I use my notes app to try to mitigate this. If I remember. Which. Well.
  
  And then if you did remember, which sublist did you put it in? And how far down? And do you see it further down again? Or also in a different list?
- I show up to appointments with a structured list only. Downside: Every GP thought that, whatever I have, it's certainly NOT ADHD.
  
  I brought an excel sheet with color coded cells and tons of notes to my GP when we were trying different meds. Seemed like overkill but I know from experience if I was having a bad day I'd feel like the meds never worked, and if I was having a good day I'd feel like they always worked every time, no side effects.
  I also started carrying around a notebook I use for everything, and one of those things is keeping a page for a running list if I think of something I want to talk to my doctor about (I have this type of list for all kinds of stuff, and just carry the notebook everywhere)
I have come to find that my memory itself is quite good. I can, in fact, remember quite a lot of things in detail.
It's the recall part that is messed up. I can't necessarily remember something on purpose. It might come back to me when it totally isn't relevant or doesn't matter anymore, so I did remember, but even trying to recall the name of a song I was listening to 5 minutes ago might be impossible even though I definitely know the name of the song; it's in the chorus! Shit how does it go again?
- This is how it happens for me. Names, dates, important details. I know them. They are on the tip of my brain. But I can't access them in a timely fashion.
  
  We need context.
- This is what I'm like now. The memories are there, but I can't deliberately recall them. My memory used to be amazing, and I'd be the one who could remember all the details of everything.
  Now, I struggle to remember anything without context. I can't remember most of what I did this week, but if someone said that we went to the supermarket on Monday, for example, then I'd recall lots of random details, but not necessarily anything important. It can be very frustrating.
- I'm not sure if this applies to me. I mostly remember emotional moments.
I sometimes have difficulty remembering people's names. Even people I have known for years.
It's really frustrating when you suddenly see someone you know very well and can't more than a "Hey! ...you" out only for their name to immediately pop into your head about 30 seconds after the conversation is over and you're walking away.
- I feel so bad, because people know MY name and I can't reciprocate. Is it because I'm a bad, self-centered person? A medical issue? Something else?
  Gives me anxiety, bud.
  
  ADHD is a brain/neurological disorder that has a wide range of symptoms, including memory issues. I can't tell you exactly why we have trouble remembering names but I am 100% certain that it's not because you're a bad or self-centered person.
  You've gotta give yourself a little grace. Living with with ADHD is hard and you can't just power through it, any more than someone missing a leg can run marathons.
  
  I always, always, always open with "I am VERY bad with names so please forgive me if I have to ask again next time. ... no, yes, I get that you think you're bad with names too, but you don't understand." Okay, admittedly, I only think that second part.
  
  Yeah. I can't remember names worth a crap even if I try. Their voice, their face and their car i can remember no problem.
- I get this too. But I lean heavily into my Australianess to cover by calling everyone mate.
It's all good, your brain has automatically prioritized processing over rote memorization of useless info, which by the way can still be accessed given the right context. Otherwise, embrace the processing bit and apply your computational genius to the max, forgive your memory loss.
- I guess I can try! Recommend any resources?
  
  Resources for how to apply yourself? Well, just focus on what you do best and do just that. We get the machine we get, we don't get to choose, and we don't get a manual or a fieldbook on how to use it, we can only observe, reflect, and do our best, and that is it.
I'm right there with you.
- It's very aggravating, and super embarrassing. I carry a lot of stress and self doubt about my incapacity and what people think of me.
This is me and I feel like I’m defective or something. I can’t remember dates and locations for the life of me. That’s why I take so many photos (to help remember). My great-grandmother was demented, which doesn’t help. I mean I don’t really know, but I have this worry that I’m going down that path…
- We have dementia in my family too, but only after 80+ where I suppose one should expect it.
I can relate to this and I'm unsure if it's part of ADHD but I'm sure it contributes. Sometimes I wonder if I have a less extreme version of SDAM.
Autobiographical memory may differ greatly between individuals. Hyperthymesia, also known as hyperthymestic syndrome or highly superior autobiographical memory (HSAM), is a condition that affects an individual's autobiographical memory, essentially meaning that they cannot forget small details which otherwise would not be stored. It forms one extreme, in which a person might recall vividly almost every day of their life (usually from around the age of 10). On the other extreme is severely deficient autobiographical memory (SDAM), where a person cannot relive memories from their lives, although this does not affect other memory capabilities or general cognition.[SDAM is a severe autobiographical memory deficiency, but without amnesia.
- Huh. Maybe I'm on that spectrum. I barely remember anything from before I was 20 and as I said up top I have some really big gaps after that too.
  I wonder how you would find out for sure.
  
  I'm not sure how well known or studied it is. Trauma can also cause gaps in memory.
All the time
I have a time with a psychologist next month, to ascertain if I have ADHD or not. I'm sure I will be unable to give him any examples of why I think I have ADHD, because my mind just blanks in those situations. I know it does because that exact thing happened a few weeks ago when I was on the phone with the psychologist about scheduling that meeting, and he asked me why I thought I had ADHD, and I couldn't produce a single example of why. I'm lucky to have gotten a time after that.
I had the idea of writing down the examples on paper as they came to me. I had that idea like 3 weeks ago, and I haven't started writing yet. I know for sure I'm gonna be scrambling to write down some examples like 1 hour after midnight on the day of the meeting.
- I have wondered if it's even worth trying to get an adult diagnosis. I had one as a kid but it's been cough a few years since it was managed or medically relevant.
  The same exact thing happens to me all the time, it's so frustrating to feel like a moron.

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