2d ago

How do I (24F) help my friend (24F) with her ambitious goals?

For some background, one of my other friends, I’ll call her Penny (19F) was dealing with her dad with NPD. I looked for some advice on a subreddit called r/raisedbynarcissists. That’s when I believe what happened is that I asked something about narcissistic parents, and Jaiden (24F) shared her story in the comments. I felt really bad for her and decided to help her out and talk to her.

She then asked me if we could talk in the Reddit DMs. I said yes and she then asked me if I have Discord. We now talk on Discord and I was shadowbanned on Reddit for some reason. (Anyway, I use Lemmy now, which has a much better community besides certain jerks and trolls which you’ll find on any somewhat large platform).

Since this was a while ago, we’ve talked a lot since then and she’s dealt with a lot. For starters, she’s Asian and lives in a very traditional Filipino community with Chinese heritage. Her entire family is not only traditional, but abusive, narcissistic, and neo-Nazis who support eugenics and Hitler. [I find it odd that Filipinos of Chinese descent would be this way but people are very strange.]

While stuck in her parents’ house being BEATEN, she can’t do much about her situation. While stuck in the house, she is incredibly motivated and wants to do all these things. Not only does she have a very long list of things, but she wants to become famous and good at EVERYTHING all at once, surpass her friends (who are either extremely talented or celebrities) and be the greatest person ever.

She always asks me if I think she’ll be the greatest person in the world, so I say yes. I don’t want to discourage her. Plus, I can’t predict the future. She may well become the greatest in the world. I know she’ll become very depressed and angry if I say no, and it’s simply rude.

I don’t know what to do or how to help besides comfort her. I don’t know how she can achieve her goal of becoming the greatest ever either.

8 comments

surpass her friends (who are either extremely talented or celebrities)
All her friends are either extremely talented or celebrities? This has me extremely suspicious that your friend is not telling you the truth. My ultimate advice to you is to proceed with caution. Be skeptical and if something doesn’t feel right, stop.
To give practical advice beyond what I already said, I’d tell your friend to start her quest to be the best in the world by working to be the best at a couple of things. It’s a lofty (if not impossible) goal to be the best at everything and by focusing her energy at a a smaller selection of things (hopefully stuff she enjoys), she can still find some success.
Good luck.
- Not full-on, but game developers and web voice actors who are rather well-known.
- Also, she says EVERYONE she talks to leaves and betrays her
  
  Even more red flags from my perspective. I know these kinds of statements make it hard to cut ties with a person, but just be mindful the effect they are having on your life and your relationships with others.
  I had a similar situation with an online friend in the past and found all their drama very stressful and isolating.

Just speculating here; she sounds a little narcissistic herself.
She should find something she thinks is fun and become good at that. If she wakes up in the morning, exited to get out of bed to go learn or do X. Then X is the thing. At the same time, don't expect to be the best. That is only setting yourself up for dissapointment and frustration. If you are doing it for the praise from others; you are doing it wrong.
- She got upset and kept insisting when I told her no one can be the best at everything

Have you suggested that she walk around in some nearby tall grass until she catches small animals that she can use to fight other animals (trained or wild)? I've heard that was a way for a person to be the very best like no one ever was.

Maybe when she finds a way out of that abusive house she can truly bloom into the great version of herself that she seeks.