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traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns @hexbear.net
GaveUp [she/her] @hexbear.net

Anybody else find the average experience of having sex with lesbians much worse than with cishet women?

Especially when most cishet women I've had sex with were teenagers and the average lesbian is 23-35

  1. Lesbians are terrible at making the first move and chasing/initiating/escalating."Useless lesbian" stereotype

Just as bad as cishet women so I still end up 99% having to do the chasing/escalating since I'm better at it and more willing to do so. It makes things feel gendered af and so, so dysphoric. I'm at the point where I honestly never want to do it ever again

  1. The shyness is incredibly bad

I've had multiple women flirt with me first (and express explicit interest in kissing/hooking up) and when I escalate to kiss them, they start giggling, pull back, and keep saying how nervous/shy they are. I then have to help calm them down and wait for 5-10 minutes until they can pull themselves together. Tangentially, also met an incredible amount of bisexual women who said that they've never done anything with a woman before because they're too shy to flirt with women

  1. Stroke game is pretty bad

I'm just comparing to myself and other trans women here. Just less experience I guess

  1. Head game is worse

Probably just also lack of experience. Hard to blame them on this given how most of their dating pool don't have dicks

  1. Too soft and respectful?

This is probably just a personal preference I guess. But the sex now is very methodical, soft, slow. Vs before where it was much more primal, instinctual, and intense

Doesn't apply to trans women or bisexuals in my experience

  1. Worse at flirting

So many lesbians just straight up tell/ask me they wanna kiss/have sex/whatever. It's all incredibly explicit and direct. Which I understand for consent reasons, clear communication, etc. But the sexual tension of subtle flirting and the playful back and forth is something I miss so much

19 comments

  • I've had sex with were teenagers

    This sentence really feels like it needs some context, also this whole post just feels like an excuse to complain about women based on generalizations.

    • I'm assuming here that OP was a teenager at the time, and that they're nit cinfessing to heinous crimes out of the blue

    • also this whole post just feels like an excuse to complain about women based on generalizations.

      Lesbians complain about lesbians not being more bold with flirting all the time

      Lesbians also complain about how a lot of lesbians also fall into gendered roles when one party is a masc and the other is fem

      Seems to be relatively common lived experiences amongst the community to me

  • i dont have a ton of experience and it's all years-old at this point but no, this hasn't been my experience at all

    my briefly-had cis girlfriend bothered to look up transfemme needs and fucked like a goddamn pro, to the point i was even willing to use the hated thing because she just created the context that made the dysphoria non present.

    I felt like a fucking woman with her.

    t4t is more reliable but im not gonna lie y'all, so many of us have huge issues, and every time i get into another t4t thing i find myself burdened not only with my own flaws but theirs as well, as i begin to suffer with them in their way, and theirs in mine, and more than it hasn't, it just ends in us losing the ability to deal with That Specific Thing We Have Going On and it becomes a point of resentment that our mutual damage is caustic to each other. It happens way more than it should and im exhausted by it

    i fucked with men more in my egg phase, but most of them were confidently quite gay, but hormones flipped a switch and im not saying attraction to men never happens, but it's rare enough i just don't actually seriously consider them candidates.

    so basically i get these like, transcendent lesbian relations with cis women that dont last very long, or i get caustic t4t, and im not capable of loving the masculine enough to carry a long term relationship so i dont try.

    i'm exhausted. im not suited to being alone, but im exhausted.

  • I mean.... I've never had sex before I transitioned so I can't comment on cis-het women, but I completely disagree that cis lesbians are bad at sex, tho that may be in part because I always make it very clear beforehand that I am not gunna do the thing with the thing(you know, the thing

    ), especially when compared to cis guys XD I have so many horror stories of cis-het guys giving head that is downright unpleasant, like I'm still in awe of how they fucked it up that bad.

    I do agree that having sex with other trans people is generally a better experience for obvious reasons.

  • I've had multiple women flirt with me first (and express explicit interest in kissing/hooking up) and when I escalate to kiss them, they start giggling, pull back, and keep saying how nervous/shy they are.

    This is me and I’m married

19 comments