1w ago

A Cybertruck Owner Says He’s Thrilled that Tesla Sold Him a Defective Truck. He adds, “I Can Now Return the Truck to Tesla at Full Price & Buy a Brand-New Cybertruck for $30,000 Less"

www.torquenews.com

40 comments

Why not just take the money and get a non-nazi mobile?
- This was a stupid purchase the first time. Learning Elon is a Nazi won't make this person smarter.
- Recursion
  
  Will the price eventually hit 0 or is it asymptotic?
  
  Oh, I know this one! It's like the Hans im Glück (Hans in Luck / Variants) tale: Hans starts with a cow and ends up with a rock, through a series of "advantageous" swaps.
  
  But why not just take the money and get a non-nazi mobile?
- Because they are a Nazi. It’s not rocket science.
  At least Nazi rockets were supposed to explode.
- Buying into the cult like it's scientology
- Swasticar Wankpanzers are among the most effective and modern ways to advertise that you are both single and really fucking horny.
  It also advertises that one has a really tiny dick and is a total asswipe, which is the combined reason for the first part.
  
  Wankpanzer is good, but I prefer Deplorean.

He had me in the first half, but holy shit.
Anyone think he'll be genuinely surprised when it falls apart?
- Narrator: "As it turned out, the glue had never been defective."
- You buy a thing, you end up being able to get $30k back
  If I wanted that stupid looking car, I'd be overjoyed too. Especially if I think I can return it again and get it even cheaper

Tesla: Due to the attacks on our dealerships and stock, we currently only have refurbished cybertrucks to offer. Here is one which has the panels reattached. It's just like it came out of the factory.
Customer: wasn't that mine that I just returned?
Tesla: yeah but this time we used gorilla glue. Please ignore the finger prints and hairs that got stuck to it. We let Elon's kid stick them back on for a photo op. He only got his hand stuck 5 times.
Tesla: alternatively we've got this one going cheap. It only has one swastika painted on the side that we couldn't get off, otherwise it's brand new.
- It's a hot deal. Like, no really, someone needs to put out the fire from that Molotov cocktail... Fucking Patriotism throwing our Tesla tea into the bay.

...but they're ALL defective
- Shhhh, sh sh sh. This is a learning moment.

Why anyone would want a Swastikar for any amount of money is beyond my understanding.
- That’s the make, not the model. I know people who have been plenty happy with their Swasticar Model 3.
  Why you would want a Swasticar Deplorean though is completely beyond me.
- It evolved to swatikkkar recently.
- So you can go park and abandon it in front of the gas pumps in some tiny trump town in the middle of Indiana or something?

Wait... Why buy another Tesla?
- Maybe he plans to torch it, claim it was protestors and get a full refund from his insurance, rinse and repeat?

So he skipped shorting TSLA and just shorted the actual Swastikar instead?

Stories like Reid Tomasko’s - and others who’ve had Tesla buy back their defective Cybertrucks - highlight how the EV ownership journey can take unexpected turns.
I wish they wouldn't conflate these dumpsters with EVs as a whole.

This happened to me with Sennheiser headphones. They broke, and I returned them. They by now had become the old model which was sold out. So they gave me a gift card which allowed me to buy new model for a price lower than my initial purchase. Gotta love those warranty laws.

This is a good allegory for what's happening to the stock market now and how the billionaires are profiting immensely.
Kinda fucked the author didn't make that connection.