Need to get things out of my chest
Need to get things out of my chest
Hello. I'm going through a rough period and I need to take some things of my chest. I am a trauma survivor diagnosed with CPTSD. Although professionally and financially I am fairly successful, I am a deeply unhappy person.
My condition stems from a history of neglect and abuse from my family along from bullying at school. I always lacked someone to talk about my problems, so I grew up without a safe person to talk about my problems. I am not very social and I prefer solitude. I was born from a poor family in a 3rd world country. My life has always been about survival and trying to "get out of the hole". I eventually immigrated to a 1st world country and found my financial stability. I made my career the focus of my life. It works for me most of the time.
Recently I got laid off, so that impacted my mental health. Although I dislike this job and I was considering leaving, I cannot shake off the feelings that "I'm not enough". My work is not good these days. I am just counting the days before my termination becomes effective. Every time I make a mistake I beat myself up, I hear the much hated voice of my father pointing out the errors.
I know I am going through a rough patch and that eventually things will get better, but every day is uphill. I am fortunate that through therapy I have learned ways to ground myself and not let my negativity consume me, but it is painful.
Thanks for creating this space to share. All the best to those who struggle with mental health issues.
Hi there, Please be kind to yourself. How could you do your best at a job that has laid you off? Even if you were planning on leaving, an unexpected layoff is disheartening. And, it is going to trigger old thoughts of not feeling good enough. People are allowed to make mistakes and allowed to dislike their jobs, yet it doesn't make them any less valuable, likeable or enough. If you had a friend in your position, what would you say to them? Don't speak to yourself any differently. You have survived so much and will get through this. You just need some extra kindness towards yourself.
Thank you for your kind words and for your encouragement. You are correct in that I need to be kinder to myself. This is a habit I have always struggled to build, but it is true. Times like these are when I need to work on these skills.
May the sun always shine on your path.
Everything is temporary. These bad feelings will fade and with new employment comes the possibility of meeting new co workers and making new friends. Focus on the path ahead and track down that new job. Allow yourself to feel the negative feelings but don't let them consume you. You've conquered some pretty difficult things in the past and you will be able to do it again. Best of luck!
Thank you very much for the encouragement. These are my thoughts also right now, and what keeps me going despite everything. I just need to keep walking this path until the trail becomes nicer. Your words make the burden more bearable.
One door has closed. That is sad, and can be scary. May another door (or doors, plural) open for you to far better and brighter things.
Thank you for your message. I am certain that there are other opportunities that with work and patience I will be able to tap. Your words are great company in these moments.
Many of us have fallen into the trap of building our identity around our work, and that's great until it isn't, which is what you're experiencing right now.
One good thing that might be hard for you to see is that probably many of your coworkers don't care what the bosses think and they don't care about why you're being laid off. With luck, some of them will be your friends after you leave that place.
Another thing to keep in mind is that most of the time when the bosses decide who to promote and who to let go, they're doing so for the wrong reasons. Or at least, they're doing so for reasons that are different from what your reasons would be. Sometimes it's interesting to figure out what their favorite metrics are. Sometimes it's frustrating, though.
I agree. I have been working on shifting my identity from work to things that bring vitality to my life. Work sucks vitality out of my life to be honest. I didn't gel very well with my team, I was not for very long in this position. It was a remote-work one that is moving to an office in a different city just a few months after I jointed. This was the reason of my termination. I am not too worried about my coworkers or my boss. But as you say, it is frustrating. Thanks for your message, being able to express myself has been of great help.
It must have been very difficult for you to open up like this, thank you for courageously sharing. This space is created by all of us. In some form or another, we all have been drawn toward this community for a reason. Also a reminder that we are not defined by our job. It's hard to hear how getting laid off has been affecting you, but please be kind to yourself and know that that job was not meant to be your permanent place. As much as therapy can be helpful, the difficult part truly is getting through the painful feelings day by day. Being able to vent like this is important and hopefully you'll be encouraging others to share their feelings as well.
Thank you very much for your kind message and for your work creating this space. Having the opportunity to express myself here has been very positive for me. I feel I am shedding weight and the road becomes a bit easier. I really appreciate it.