How do you get over a crush?
How do you get over a crush?
It is kinda ruining my life lmao. I have never felt this strongly for anyone. When we talk, I can ride that high for days. But then she gives me (what I perceive as) the cold shoulder and the depression I feel... boy. It's been like this for months. I cannot go on, man.
Wait wait wait, is this the same woman that stood you up on a recent date and left you waiting for an hour at a restaurant by yourself?
Even if you confess to her, and she says yes, I feel like you're setting yourself up for disappointment.
in my experience the best way to get over a crush is to have a dysfunctional relationship of ten years end and then eight years later be unable to get over that instead
This guy gets it
Honestly I’d be down for that.
fuck brother why'd you punch me in the gut like that
Divorced/ex-fiance gang
My approach to crushes is way different now for sure
A crush is a kind of fantasy (in that you idealise someone, imagine how your life could be with them, etc). You destroy the fantasy by exposing it to reality/action, in this case expressing your feelings honestly to the person. If it works out then great, if it doesn’t then it’ll be easier to reorient yourself and you’ll find someone new to crush on.
I had this absolutely fantastical unreal expectation of what I thought a friend of mine would be like if we dated and it turned out my fantasy was completely underselling them and we’re married now and I want this for everyone
Every other crush I’ve had was way off from reality in a bad way, and this one was way off from reality in the best way possible.
One word: limerance. You're enjoying a fantasy as a form of emotional self-regulation. Once you realize it was a fantasy that you built up around your crush that in all likelihood you don't know all that well, it's pretty easy to get over it.
something that helps me is focusing on the reason why i have the crush: the person i have feelings for is a good person. i want them to be happy. if that isn’t with me, and i’m not going to disclose my feelings, then i try to remind myself i want what’s best for them even if it doesn’t involve being closer with me. it helps those feelings change.
I’m not a good person cuz the thought of them being with someone is physically crushing ngl.
ah no dude don’t say that. it’s normal. i get it. you’re in a difficult spot, i’m sorry.
I think of it, and largely as a framework for most things, as a cosmic & super fucked up roller coaster. Which is to say your resistance is futile and the feelings and whether or not they work out are secondary to your gratitude for being in the amusement park in the first place. Like if you get blown the fuck out it's like puking after going on the roller coaster - you can still go "wooooh!" and laugh with your friends while your stomach is turned inside out and your hair is all messed up. Even if you're the subject of the picture and you look ridiculous you can still put a funny caption on the picture before posting it.
I hope to love recklessly and passionately until I find someone who actually wants to hold onto it. I want to get the most out of my time at the park. Seldom do people on their death beds reach up to the light and go "I gave too many compliments!" before shitting themselves and dying. Which is to say tell them how you feel yesterday and puke if the fast half of the coaster is too much.
Wow. Incredible. Thank you so much. This was very well stated. I just…I don’t want that confession to end up making things extremely awkward at work. And I want to do it in person if possible. Any advice?
Comrade, I'm not a good person to ask for that sort of thing. But my intuition tells me that you should invite them to get a sit down meal outside of business hours.
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if they're not going to do that then you wouldn't get much further if feelings were involved. Paying for someone's lunch is a good way to exchange information, ask for advice, and clarify situations in general.
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you can express your feelings
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you can ask whether they're interested in learning more about one another - especially in consideration of risking awkward work situations. Risk tolerance varies from person to person.
For your own sake and theirs I would frame this as curiosity about connection no matter how sure your infatuation feels. I think, blasphemously, that the yearning in your chest is primarily a signal (to be more curious about them). There's a whooooole lot more to learn about a person you're infatuated with that you'd only ever know when you're close to them. There's every chance that they're afraid to be vulnerable because they'll drop their walls, let you in, you don't like what you see, and you reject them in a way that feels super personal. Which is why it's so important to be disarming, curious, and sympathetic. Talk slowly and confidently knowing that even if they reject you it's fine because you were only looking to learn more.
(Disarmingly throughout) invite to lunch -> ask about their love life -> express your feelings -> see if there's interest to pursue something
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Well put
Don't build someone up in your mind. They're never what you want. Go off of the material things they've done that you like and also focus on the things you don't like
Also, friendly reminder to temper expectations. Women are often friendly with a lot of people because society demands it of them. Women also tend to be much more cuddly.
Don’t build someone up in your mind
My life would be so much easier if I didn’t do this but that’s probably why I have a personality disorder diagnosis 🥲
yea tru. thanks kristina.
Distance and time
How to get distance. How to get time. ITS WORK.
Yeh that’s tough lol. I got lucky my most recent crush was only in town for the weekend 😆
I'm in the same situation and it's difficult
She gives you the cold shoulder?
I had a crush who was doing this to me, and when I talked to my sister about it she said "gee, she sounds like a peach 🙄" and honestly having someone point out shitty behavior to you is so helpful.
Don't put your life into someone who makes you feel like that.
I don’t want to trust me. But emotions don’t listen to the rational me.
Time to embark on a grand quest to prove your love
Slay an evil dragon, recover the ancient bonesaber of Zuma-Kalis, make peace with the elves
Seriously though, if this is a friend or someone you're seeing on a casual basis, it's probably best to talk to them about it. Just try your best to be clear and honest.
If it's someone from your job, then it's a little stickier, but still best to be honest.
If it's someone from your job, then it's a little stickier, but still best to be honest.
😭
I’m scared. But I guess I have to. Rip off the bandaid.
It's more like opening a window really
Yeah, sometimes an angry wasp gets in, but you also can get fresh air and nice smells
Pour yourself into hobbies, friendship, quiet alone time in nature, and if you have access to it, therapy. Do things that feel good which won't hurt you in the long run
find a new crush
Seconding this. If it really is just a crush you just need to get out and mingle. There's so many cute people with interesting mannerisms out there. Getting your heartstrings tugged enough by enough people will give your brain some control again.
Ugh I feel this man.
I confessed to them right as they were starting a burgeoning relationship with someone else.
"If I had known sooner maybe I'd feel different"
Which maybe they just were trying to be nice but goddamn did that feel like a stab in the gut. Especially since it acknowledged the fact that we had/have really good chemistry.
Anyway, I've gotten over it now (mostly) and we still talk and hang out. Pursueing other romantic interests so your thoughts don't dwell on them can good for you I think.
I struggled for about a 2 weeks after really bad.
Thanks. I don’t know if I can. No one else I talk to stirs these intense emotions in me. But I think you’re right. Confessing is probably the only way of getting over them.
Confessing isn't the path to getting over it. Confessing or talking to them about your feelings is just the path forward.
Good or bad it'll bring peace over time and take away that "could've been" feeling
Either way don't feel too down about it comrade. Life is a story and it's beautiful even when it's not what you had initially planned.
Eat them
when you say she gives you what you perceive as the cold shoulder, what are these interactions like? as far as getting over her goes, time and someone else are the only things.
Like, when we are in person, she touches me and everything and then says she wants to meet up and I’m riding the high for days. ESP when she approaches me first. But then over text it’s one word replies and not replying for days or not answering my questions and I don’t know what to do.
Hidden dyslexia
maybe she's bad at or uninterested in texting. or maybe she's just trying to make her work day a little more interesting by flirting with you and unfortunately it means nothing. hard to say tbh. try pulling away from her a bit and see what happens. don't be rude to her or anything just don't go out of your way to talk to her/be around her/text her
I know it's not for everyone but I went to therapy.
Might need it tbh.
Think about all the ways it wouldn't work out and hyperfocus on any negative interactions. It helps to interact with the crush much as possible so you can tear it down and know its just idle dreams, reality is never so easy and maybe 1/5th as nice.
