Your friend loves your least favourite politician. What do you say?
This question's on my mind because my coworker today mentioned they would vote for Trump if they could (mind you this is 2023, in Canada). I don't generally have the talking points or the desire to fight about it, so I just deflected the conversation. But I often wish I was more strong-willed and could try to figure out why someone believes what they do and, if it's invalid, then convince them otherwise.
Thus, I'm curious what you all would say or what you've done in the past!
While I like the sentiment, it doesn't actually address OP's question. My guess is OP also hates fascists but has trouble discussing their opinions on politics with their fasc-curious friend for whatever reason, whether it's because they want to preserve the relationship or generally have trouble keeping up in a back and forth (which is totally fine, being quick-witted is not a requirement to hate fascists). What are your tips for approaching the conversation?
If you're privileged enough not to be threatened in that situation (ie you're not a younger woman, an immigrant, LGBTQ+) and it's not emotionally damaging to maintain the relationship, do. Be there, but be open about different and willing to answer questions. Either they'll be an ass eventually, or maybe, just maybe, you can show them the rabbit hole is just their head in the sand. Cult deprogrammers say over and over that the best way to get people to see reason is through personal conversation. But don't have expectations that it'll work all at once, or if they go back and forth in their beliefs. Unlearning worldviews is hard work.
You gotta land somewhere on the spectrum of stupid-to-evil to be a Trump (or any of the new lumps of shit that have surfaced in Trump's wake) supporter, and no point on the spectrum meets the standard for the kind of person I'd invest the time and effort needed to build a friendship.
Discovering that a current friend is that stupid/evil would reveal I misjudged that person previously and spell the end of that relationship. I can't fix stupid, and I won't tolerate evil.
It raises major questions about their ability to reason, absorb information, their morals and level of awareness about the world. And just personality. It's difficult for me to imagine how people listen to that guy lie and ramble while being a petty, vindictive self-absorbed prick to everyone around him, and think "Yeah! This is someone I'd put in charge".
I came to similar questions/conclusions talking to my coworker. It's disappointing because otherwise he's quite friendly and normal, but I'm realising perhaps that is just because I'm not the "wrong" type of person in their eyes. If he believes Trump would save the country, what else does he believe, right? And seriously, why?
If they loved any of my least favorite politicians, we'd probably not be friends for much longer - they're "least favorite" for a reason, after all. Also loving a political figure is completely bonkers. People who are infinitely less passionate than that will still have so strong beliefs you'll never really (be allowed to) challenge them.
People are hard to persuade with just facts and logic. That's even when politics aren't involved ruining whatever tiny chance there was in the first place. Basically, everybody thinking they'd go Full Diplomat and convert the guy is 100% bullshitting themselves.
Also don't fuck with politics at work. Managing idiots is a crucial skill in every job, being right is not the same as "winning" an argument, and even if you "win" there could be reprisals. It's not right, but that's the way the world is.
Since you're addressing me specifically, I consider them a 'friendly coworker'. I would happily move on when I stop working but day to day my interactions are pleasant. I considered titling as coworker, but I thought friend applied more generally and would encourage discussion.
Oh sure, I work with people who have said some pretty crazy shit but I'm not openly hostile to them or anything. I also have nothing to do with them outside of work and if they get too out of line I might still call them out at work.
My grandmother used to say: never talk about religion or politics with coworkers. Both topics get into personal beliefs that can make a professional relationship difficult.
For an actual friend, I would try to understand why they're into the politician. People have lots of reasons for why they vote.
My sister is a sweetheart who loves animals, nature, people, and has given so much of her time and money to take care of our mother.
She voted Trump and it seems like she would do it again. Why?
She's a fundamentalist evangelical Christian. You have to understand the Christian slant if you're setting out to understand Trump voters. It's not the only lens to see the MAGA phenomenon through, but it's a big one.
Why are those two tied together so tightly, even though it's glaringly obvious that Trump isn't a Christian himself and doesn't espouse their values? He gave them all the things they wanted. And he'll keep doing it.
You'll find plenty of other people backing Trump as well, and many will be total assholes and pond scum. The liberal tears crowd, the trolls. Probably the ones many commenting here are talking about. But I suspect these types are only the vocal minority and it's people like my sister who are a much more silent majority. They are beloved people in their communities, they are not the monsters you would make them out to be. It takes an open mind to understand their position. Make sure you're ready to explore and understand without judgement, or else you might as well just write them off and find something more productive to use your time with.
Think about what you just said in response to my story. You're so ready to tar and feather that you're willing to tell me that somehow you know the true intent of my sister better than her own brother.
In this cartoon of a world you live in, I hope someday you find room for nuance.
Exactly. Kind in the micro, monsters in the macro. If you're trying to raise money for the needy through the church but don't want the government to help them at scale you really just want glory for your god and safety just for your community over other communities. Helping people is just an accident in pursuit of those causes.
I'm sure your sister is a lovely person but how blind can she be after all that has happened? Is she voting for Trump or is she just brainlessly voting republican? And in either case, why? Where's her culpablity?
She really is, and the others who want to tar and feather any and all Trump voters could learn something knowing her.
But your hunch is likely correct. Christian fundamentalists do not vote Democrat. Democrats support choice, and in their frame of reference God already chose and we don't get a say. Abortion is a big one, despite there being nothing in the Bible to indicate a solid position on the matter.
Aside from the religious dogma, I doubt she spends any time on the internet or listening to political punditry. With less information to go by, she probably sees the hate as a part of the left's own orthodoxy and something that can be dismissed. As much as the left has going for it, there is some fierce orthodoxy and tone deafness that fuels the right wing's disdain and drives their dismissal of us.
Can you be culpable if you were not aware? I know that doesn't fly in matters of law but I think a person can be forgiven to an extent if they don't know the depths of a matter as well as others.
American Evangelical "Christianity" has nothing whatsoever in common with Christ's teachings. About the same amount as that repulsive lying scumbag has with true leadership.
If it's just a politician I don't like, it would be a good opportunity to talk about it and maybe one/both of us can learn something new. I usually trust that I'm friends with someone for a reason, and while we might not change our minds, it would be a good chance to learn about priorities / needs / ideas.
If it's my LEAST FAVOURITE, then we might not be as compatible as I thought.
The politicians that I hate would like me dead or completely mentally subjugated/repressed (I'm trans, autistic, and part of some other groups, also not exactly rolling in cash 😄 .). If I found out one of my friends supported someone like that they would cease being a friend, to put it mildly.
Most of my friends are also trans or have other reasons that fascists would treat them similarly to how they would me, so it's extremely unlikely they would support those types :)
The best answer I think I can come up with is: Oh, wow, I liked you, but if you want me dead I think you must not really be a good person after all.
You're not going to change their mind, so the best you can do is make them feel guilty for supporting someone who whishes harm on so many groups he'll not even know which of those groups you are (and you might not be in any of those groups, he doesn't need to know).
If they're already your friend, then you obviously like each other enough to have gotten along for however long it's been without talking about politics. This to me indicates that probably neither of you feels strongly enough about politics to have it be an issue unless one of you starts pressing it. I acknowledge that I may be oversimplifying your question.
My least favorite politicians literally want me to not exist. They want me erased, exterminated, gone. It's extraordinarily unlikely for me to end up friends with someone who would vote for that sort of person to begin with. Given my volitile political position, this question just feels goofy to me. People I consider friends are a rarefied order, a small and select group. I would be shaken to my core to find out that one of them felt this way. It would destroy my sense of reality and grasp of the world. I'd wonder if I was schizophrenic. But I really don't think that's going to happen. People aren't my friends if they don't support my rights, nevertheless my existence.
The privilege it is to even ask this question is extremely telling. I don't mean that as a slight to OP, but it is worth noting that we are in a place where, for a non-insignificant amount of people, this isn't even remotely a possibility because one group has made their existence criminal.
Right? Like, I guess if one of my few friends got a serious brain injury and become a totally different, terrible person, I'd sob for hours, maybe days, mourning the person I lost. But that's the caliber of life event it would take. None of these people are going to get a new job or new partner and become a murderous bigot. Often this sort of change in a person is predicated by something personal, someone in their life from the relevant group hurts them. But I'm the truama informed friend that everyone comes to when fucked up things happen. If someone deeply and personally hurt one of my friends to the point that it could change them as a person, they'd be on my couch, smoking my weed, processing with me.
I just really don't see any of the small group of gay women and stoners in my life turning against me like that. It would literally be a shift from friends to voting for my death. My least favorite politicians don't just believe things I disagree with. They may not be able to say it publicly, but they want me dead. Even if we were no longer friends, I don't think anyone in my small circle would vote for anyone to be systematically eliminated. Hell, many of them would themselves be in the sights of the same politicians. My best friend would probably be the other type of girlfriend to me if she wasn't in a long term relationship when we met.
As someone who tries to rationalize and come up with arguments for multiple family members who would vote for Trump even if I would consider them quite smart from day to day, I will tell you that having convincing arguments won't get you far.
There is some fundamental differences in thinking between myself and conservatives. For example: Someone must lose in another for another to win.
The thinking is so black and white and simplistic most of the time. They use Econ 101 to prove their theories, pretending that's how the world works and refuse to listen to any realistic nuance.
When you point out a contradiction, they say, "Oh, that's an outlier" "Oh, I'll look into it" "Oh, let's move onto something else". I don't discuss it much anymore, but I try really hard to listen and make arguments that acknowledge their beliefs while presenting my own.
If you can keep level-headed, other more progressive relatives of mine have recommended/gifted readings that might be able to broaden the horizons of conservatives.
Thanks for ending the quote directly before I say "most of the time". I do think trends exist, but I do my best to qualify what I say, because oftentimes in the real world it's not all or nothing.
-1 human on earth. If they are voting for that politician then they are voting for someone who wants to have mass killings. Might as well remove one bag of trash from earth.
If it was simply a difference of political opinion and they supported some run of the mill politician who's shit but not like fascist level shit then it wouldn't be relationship ending. Politicians are mostly fucked and not worth losing relationships over.
If it was an overt piece of shit fascist then that would be a different story. Usually people who support fascists become quite radicalised. Shit is culty af. And if this friend did not have a problem with overt prejudice and genocidal attitudes then that would be relationship ending for me.
I cannot be friends with DeSantis supporters. Even moreso since I live in a major city in a US state where, despite being a swing state, DeSantis' ideas have proven a losing position (Doug Mastriano pledged to make PA "the Florida of the North." That's how the Democratic nominee won that year.)
I hate to point it out to you, but you most likely are friends with a DeSantis supporter or two. People are very much willing to lie about or omit who they vote for in order to maintain social relationships, and if you could look into others personal thoughts, you'd probably be very surprised to find out who of your friends are.
When politics are cut out of the equation, you'll find you can be friends with DeSantis supporters, just as long as you're kept in the dark.
I personally would say: "interesting, Why's that?" And listen to what they have to say about it.
I ask myself the following: "does this person treat me well? Do they treat others well?" If yes is the answer to both questions, then I just move on. Who cares if they would vote a different way than you in an election they can't vote in anyway?
I would ask why. Is the reason personal? Moral? Based on their achievements? I'll put it this way. I was watching this story (not the first time it was brought up) which takes place in a town that really loved Mussolini. That much didn't bother me, it's circumstantial and it happens, it was how they expressed it that set me off, by setting out to lethally betray the one person in town who was a critic of Mussolini by killing his family. Technically I'd argue they're indirect victims of the Nazi Italy death toll. If someone has no problem with me, I don't feel as averse, but this is rarely the case anyways.
Gotta learn to tear your friends down when they need it, because only a friend can do it. My bestie is a conspiracy nut, and we get into arguments over that shit all the time. And there's no saving your coworker. If they are willing to support the man now, they are not going to argue in good faith.
at this point I simply refer to them as "cooked" and refuse to further engage until they stop blindly reading cooker shit and rejoin reality, then we will talk.
literally told my mum that today and no regrets. no more pussyfooting around extremists
I also have a coworker who supports trump and is Canadian. To be fair to you, we are simply coworkers and that boundary will remain solidly in place so long as we're working together.
Depends on the politician. Extremist politicians like Trump are a no-go. Those supporters can't be convinced as they already believe fairytales. I'd say have fun, you do you, I'm out. This is the biggest problem with 2 party systems, you only get to choose between bad options.
Here we have multiple parties (to many for some) and you can vote for a party with you agree most instead for the one you disagree least with. When somebody wants to vote for a party you don't agree with, you ask why, as we have (almost) no 1 issue parties and most party programs are pretty consistent on the usual issues and programs overlap a lot. When they say they vote for party x because of point 1, when not to extremist (immigration, killing off fossil dependencies no matter the costs, unlimited market,...) there will be at least 1 other party with the same view but less 'colleteral damage'.
On the other hand, extremist views, especially in a multi party environment are limited to a minority, so will never get to power. Other, valid, views are adapted by other parties, so people aren't limited to the extremist.
Unfortunately depending on the level of extremism they have a point. When you can't even agree on what's reality and what isn't, it's pretty hard to change someone's mind.
I originally heard this quote about using the Internet but the general sentiment applies to any extremist politics as well.
Generally, people don't log onto internet platforms to be proven wrong
Extremists don't talk about politics to change their viewpoints, they do it to rant and convince others (IMO)
(At least this is often the case for US extremism, not sure about elsewhere)
There's not even the slightest chance I would be friends with someone who loved my "least favorite politician".
BTW, what does "least favorite politician" even mean? It's not like saying "Well I like the Lakers, but Maxwell Lewis is my least favorite." OK? Your least favorite X is not a person who wants you dead, who wants to destroy democracy, who wants to oppress and kill people who are like you. That's not what you use "least favorite" for. There's no amount of "favorite" at all in my regard for most politicians, let alone for the open fascists.
it's hilarious to me - as an immigrant- because immigration is a massive boon to the economy.
I literally paid to be here, without the cost of raising me as a kid, and even if I eventually become a citizen I've cost the country much less than a citizen by not growing up here, and not taking any essential services or support, and then I contribute more not just by paying fees to be here but being held to a higher standard. If you grow up poor they don't kick you out, but if I don't earn enough money they kick me out, and that amount of money is safely above the cost line of my presence in the country.
You can act like a cult member and stop talking to them, or you can realize what's important in life, real human connection, and just agree to disagree. As long as you guys aren't going to call each other names, talk about it. But don't go into it with the aim of convincing, go into it with the aim of learning. If both of you do this, you'll come to clearer conclusions.
Lol, maybe he just isn't good in on the spot confrontation? Not everyone is prepared to counter an encyclopedia of bullshit that someone picked up from talk radio