Oh, they got literally nothing on this guy

Probably freakin RUSSIA amirite?

I like how they just decided to throw Russia in there despite absolutely no connection

AI has determined the culprit is a statue of Jesus with abs and 14 fingers riding a school bus made of American flags

To the USA'ian who'se about to sue the NYPD for millions for being falsely accused of being a CEO assassin.

it's been 48 hours and not only have they not ID'd the guy, they've begun using tools that will actively make the search harder. he's probably already on a beach in vietnam, he's safe. fucking incredible

Death to America

Lmaooo “Russia did it” I fucken love these people

Liberal modus operandi is literally "When in doubt blame Russia"

Gotta slip in some quick russophobia there at the end for good measure lol

Is it really this easy to eliminate these blood sucking monsters?

I know it wouldn't be smart or anything but i would be so happy to learn that he never even left town and just changed his clothes and went about his day

Someone's gonna go down for this and it ain't gonna be the guy that did it.

Whoever came up with the whole "blame literally anyone, but especially the Soviets/Russians" bit needs a prize. Its gotten literally over a century of use. Once you notice it, you see it fuckin' everywhere. It goes beyond any historical level of "foreigners bad" because it really is just used for literally anything. Advanced xenophobia I guess.

Maybe if libs broke out of it they could actually see results, but nope, RUSSIA, CHINA, CUBA! for any little thing, nope can't be anything else, can't be domestic, can't be our allies, can't even be random.

AI generated picture of the suspect

Ok, they will not catch him and I know none of us are surprised, but is no one going to ask the NYPD why they already have an AI trained in phrenology? Guess at least they'll have fun looking for a man with the sinister slanted nose bridge of a cowardly Saxon wheelwright or whatever their AI comes up with after training itself by reading every work ever written about studying the bone structure of the human head.

Very clearly an attempt to turn libs against them and what they did. The pigs have nothing and are scared.

HOLY SHIT HE FUCKING GOT AWAY WITH IT!!!

The ai made portrait of the culprit:

Huh, it keeps flagging a bunch of chiseled fashion models and Instagram influencers as the assassin

“Moscow”

No creativity, their brains are mush

The police are gonna end up arresting some random guy who was born with weird hands aren't they?

Brother AI has identified three possible suspects:

Jake Gyllenhall, The Joker and the protagonist from the Stalker.

How tf could he be on a flight to Moscow, aren't all direct flights to Russia still canceled because of nato's imperialist war

Moscow?? Lmao

What if the pig AI has the same accuracy as the UHC AI?

Lmao generative AI is gonna make up some random generic-looking dude. That's literally all it does, what it's programmed to do. Actual insanity that they're using this for the investigation.

Good work, Agent Chalamet.

they're gonna just pin this on a rando that looks similar huh

I like to picture him on the beach in Havana sipping a Cuba Libre

Vaya Con Dios, mi amor.

"When the substitute rolls in the little TV on the cart and you know you just got away with not studying for that exam" energy

Is Gasparino saying that he managed to get over to LaGuardia and get through security for an international flight in the space of about 30 minutes or that Putin sent a private getaway plane?

This guy is a solid candidate for the modern Robin Hood (or perhaps Ishikawa Goemon) so I sure hope he doesn’t get identified

Does that mean these pictures are ai generated???!

They are using this to sell the AI surveillance grift and to make people reconsider their public safety. I think that is why they are so openly flexing the surveillance state: "See, this is what we can do, nobody can hide from us."

It's an oversell of course, but most people don't know that.

Watch AI constantly make the suspect black no matter what they try

Why do all the good things that happen in America get blamed on Russia?

The reddit boston bombing fiasco but this time it's a ML algorithm trained on reddit

So what happens if he just gets plastic surgery and gets fat while hiding in the spider hole he probably made for himself somewhere in Yonkers?

'Cause I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this victory song
Woo-hoo-hoo, my, my, woo-hoo-hoo

At some point they’ll try to find him using blockchains and NFTs

:wiggum:

Suspect is hatless, repeat, hatless

This investigation brought to you by KitKat, and How to Train Your Dragon.

Lmao zero percent chance

What if he was immediately arrested for something unrelated right after kinda andor style?

Imagine if you were this dude just meeting your people for coffee in Queens or whatever while the entire political and law enforcement establishment was pouring over conspiracy theories and flight lists to Russia,

The AI: with 99% accuracy, we have determined that the shooter was a black guy from The Bronx and a Russian spy