My daughter is almost 5 and I’ve made a conscious effort to stop doing whatever I’m doing if she says stop or no.
For example, tickling. If I’m tickling and she says stop, I stop immediately with no back talk.
Or if I’m copying her in a joking way (we both do it to each other from time to time) and she says stop, that’s it. We’re done.
When I’m snuggling with her after reading books before bed, she feels comfortable enough to say, “you can go now” and I that’s it. I leave with no complaints.
In non-safety situations I ask if I can hold her hand. If she says no, that’s it, I’m not holding her hand. Parking lots are a different matter.
I will continue this throughout her entire upbringing so that if (ok, when) someone continues to do something she has said stop or no to, it will be unambiguously wrong to her.
Later when I explain that “no” is a complete sentence, it should feel intuitive.
God so much about old fashioned courtship is utterly fucked up. I remember reading a critical analysis of "baby it's cold outside" going through all the things explaining how she can't say she wants to stay because that would be promiscuous so instead she's using all these subtle more socially acceptable things and he's trying to offer her some excuses and it's a whole thing. Holy shit who has time for all that just so you don't essentially get fucking excommunicated?
"No means no" means "no means no." You don't get to have it both ways!
Look, lady, we went through decades of the women's lib movement to finally get guys to respect your wishes and quit harassing you with unwanted advances. But now you expect us to be clairvoyant or some shit when you say "no" but don't really mean it?!
Fuck that! You get respected whether you like it or not.
"I'm disappointed that other women have ruined my fetish of being harassed" - toxic feminism enjoyer.
I went home with a lady friend, who invited me into her bed, then said that we're not going to do anything. So, I didn't even try, and we just talked and cuddled. FF to two years later, and we start dating, and she questioned why I didn't try anything that night. Like, duh. A lady says no, it means no. That is what I've had drilled into me as a male since I was a very young age. I'm so damn scared of being called for sexual harassment.
New green text drop.
--be me high functioning autistic, struggle with social ques.
--begin highschool, theres a cute girl.
--decide to be extra friendly, take every available moment to be beside her and friendly.
-- 2 months go by, still doesnt notice my intent. Decided to be blunt.
-- tell her i like her, romatically. Says cool and walks away,
-- autism engage.mp3
-- do the same shit for 2 weeks
-- she tells me she want to be friends, I respect her wishs tho saddened.
-- walk with her in-between classes like all my other friends.
-- she calls me creepy and to stop stalking her. I explain im not stalking im just being a friend and just enjoy talking inbetween class.
-- 2 weeks go by, she doesnt say anything about me being "creepy"
-- go to B lunch where i sit by myself cause friends have A lunch.
-- phone buzz.mp3
-- random number of text message with photo of me 20 seconds ago at lunch table.
-- panic issues, i message who dis. They reply, you dont need to know stop stalking (girls name). I explain its not stalking if i go up and say hello and talk to them.
-- they dont listen, they tell me to stop being creepy. I ask again who this was. No reply...
-- i tell them ill get the cops involved if they dont reval themselfs.
-- lunch ends, goes to math class. Asks (girl) what she know about random texter.
-- (girl) says no clue
-- day ends, sleep like shit because of creepy MF.
-- finally get response, im (girls friend)
-- i sit at lunch table following day with her and ask whats this is about.
-- she says (girl) says im a creepy stalker that follows her around and stares at her. And that (girl) asked her to do this. I explain i like talking to her, and she engages back in a mutal conversion. And that im autistic and zone out.
-- she still insists im a creep
-- confront (girl) in math class "Why did you lie about this, just tell me you dont want to be friends" Girl refuses to talk to me and spreads rumors of me being a creep.
-- MFW i dont miss highschool dating.
TLDR- women gaslights autism into stalking and give lasting insecurity issues.
I have noticed. Good job men, it’s appreciated, keep up the good work of respecting boundaries
Everybody here is saying it's feminism or metoo. But if she's been dating for long enough to notice these differences, then she might just be getting older.
Teenagers will spend a lot of time wooing the person they want. Middle-aged people have no time and will simply move on to the next person who's not playing games.
i mean if it's noticeable, then that's a great success for metoo. it brought attention to the importance of consent and the ability to give consent. to the idea that no doesn't mean try harder and more forcefully, but that no means no.
that's awesome. it's not over, but it's progress...
... then out of nowhere someone comes along and says "you ever notice men aren't as rapey as before? what's up with that?"
Why waste time on a no? Currently, women are throwing my number away after trying hard to get it shrugs
Yup. It's called respect.
If you don't know the person, taking a "no" at face value is exactly what everyone should do.
Also, not "no longer persuasive" but "not as insistent". If you said no and the man was "ok," you were persuasive.
uh, no means no lol. have a good one if you're not going to suggest a different time date and just flat out "no".
IMO, a lot of this "lady's" complaint is a result of equality, and the "me too" movement (and related concepts). None of which is bad. I'll make that clear. This is not a bad thing.
Guys are respecting me, and leaving me alone when I say so? Omg, what a fucking shocker. Something that should have always been the case is happening and she's.... What? Upset about it?
Does she want to date rapists? People who would physically and emotionally force themselves on their victims? That's the exact behavior we're trying to eliminate. WTF?
Lady, as a guy, I want to inform you that, we're not the problem here.
If you like someone, and they ask you on a date, say yes. It's that simple.
I don't play mind games. If you said no, I just trust you are being honest. I move on. If you weren't being honest, shame on you for one, and two, you definitely don't have the character I'm looking for in a partner.
When you were actually looking for a cult leader all along.
I say bring back the good old days of sexual harassment and fifty layers of meaning wrapped in a frilly bodice.
Women - "No means no"
Men - Stops pursuing a girl after she says no
Women - "No not like that!"
cracks knuckles Let's piss some people off tonight.
This is sound mating strategy for homo sapiens.
Take yourself out of generational context. Forget religion, social mores and written history. Think back 100,000 years. Think game theory. Think only in terms of selfish genes.
A promiscuous female is a loss for the male. Whose kid is he raising? Massive waste for the male if it's not his genes.
(Insert note regarding the hypothesis as to why our dicks are shovel shaped. Add observations of male mammals killing their rival's offspring and note how we see this in modern men.)
A child requires an extraordinary output of time and energy, for both parties, far more than other mammals. Childbirth is also extraordinarily dangerous for big-brained primate females; big heads, helpless infancy and so forth.
The female needs her mate to stick around and care for her and her child during pregnancy through early child rearing. After all, she's going to be the very definition of handicapped for a couple of years. (Insert note regarding the hypothesis that grandmothers partially fill this role and why women live longer.) If she hasn't been picky and chosen a solid mate, her and her child may well die.
Now the male has to push back against this resistance. If he's not the type to push, he doesn't make babies, pass on his genes. To put a finer point on it, if he's not attracted enough to effort the chase, he may be a slut who will run off. Refer to previous paragraph.
tl;dr: Evolution selected for hard-to-get females and pushy males.
