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Sloth. From what I've heard, they can move fast when they want to and will fuck people up with those claws. B
And they smile like fucking maniacs.
I got to meet a sloth at a an event sponsored by an animal preserve. They do seriously have murder claws.
Sloth Facts: despite their wicked claws, the sloth's primary defence is to be unappetizing. They're so sedentary that algae grows on them, which makes them smell and taste bad to predators in addition to not being particularly nutritious.
Every few days, a sloth might leave the tree to defecate. This is because while predators might not be particularly interested in eating them, if their droppings fall on a jaguar it might be pissed enough to climb a tree and settle accounts.