I'm sorry to hear that. Try talking to a counselor or therapist. I felt the same way for a long time and I've gradually worked up the confidence to express how I feel and express my emotions. It was really hard and took a lot of work (and therapy and medication) and I feel completely empowered now. It's a great feeling.
And why would you be ridiculed and scorned for opening up emotionally?
because people are mean and repeat the mean things that have been done to them, and difficult emotions make people uncomfortable and one way to avoid them is punishing people who do open up
Your evidence is... the comment i responded to? Not very compelling. It doesn't feature you giving any sympathy, just saying you don't get it. And the implication thus far is that you simply can't conceive of it happening. Not the most empathetic stance, is it?
It reminds me of the guys that claim sexism no longer exists, asking "but where is there any sexism?" And then shooting down all examples as not counting, continuing to ask "where is this sexism?"
Well then I guess it's good that I'm not asking for sympathy. Just an explanation. Thankfully, people other than you were kind enough to give explanations.
not literally punished, but socially responded to negatively. I've been lucky that I haven't experienced it much (and even then, I still struggle to open up), but it's a very real thing. For men, one umbrella term that includes this concept is "toxic masculinity"
Yeah, I guess all I can say is I've been lucky too. I've just never noticed any serious repercussions for showing my emotions. All I can think is that, since I was a pretty unpopular kid growing up, I gave so little of a shit about what the sort of people who would think negatively of me opening up emotionally would think about me that I just didn't notice it even though it was happening. It would have just been one more dickhead move to ignore.
My parents and school teachers and peers made it very clear to me that if you show emotion such as sadness, jealousy, frustration, fear, or anxiety, you were not living up to being a male and thus are weak and deserving of punishment, physical violence, and social isolation and ridicule.
Maybe it's different there, I don't know. Or maybe it was a different era? I grew up in the 80s and I just never have gotten that sort of impression from the people around me and I am not one to hide my emotions.
It was the early 2000s. Teachers would say things like “you’re acting like a girl, show everyone you are a man” and whatnot. Guess you got lucky and I’m glad to hear it.
why would you be ridiculed and scorned for opening up emotionally?
Not to sound like a blue-haired liberal, but at least in my neck of the woods, toxic masculinity is to blame. Like, one of my favorite internet folk got bullied off the internet recently for saying he likes girls a little too enthusiastically. Some dudes will absolutely tear you apart if you are a man that exhibits anything other than stoic passivity.
Not really, it was supposed to be a person so above the "alpha beta" bullshit, not caring about how people perceive them, that they wrap around the "spectrum" in front of "alpha". It was meant to be a comedic / sarcastic way to rebuke toxic standards, but it was assimilated into the general "philosophy" of it.