peppersky [he/him, any] @ peppersky @hexbear.net

Posts

5

Comments

1,136

Joined

2 yr. ago

no one has desired me in a decade. ive never felt part of a group. ive grown so much as a person over the last ten years, ive become such a more well-rounded more interesting person but none of that seems to matter, even at my most out-going there was just no one ot there for me. i just moved and i searched three years for a place and the place is much nicer but i just feel even more like shit. there seems to be less "out there" day by day and i live in a big fucking city and i am in university with people who have the same interest but everbody is too busy to have time for me and nobody wants to connect and im sure they all feel as lonely as i do but nothing ever amounts to anything and i got active in our institute and did events but nobody went to them

and im not queer i do not feel like a gender i do not feel like presenting any different or being anything and if people want to say he that is alright and if they want to say my name thats alright i dont care i just want to be wanted and for people to talk to me and be nice to me

of course i am romancing romance why do you think its called romance thats what romance is for, love transcends everything if you let it, love is the greatest force in the universe, theres this whole other world of experiences out there that i am just not privy to ive got all this skin that nobody has ever touched. if a woman gently caressed my thigh she could then stick a knife through my heart and that would be alright

there was a woman who had interest in me ten years ago since then nothing even at my most social times i have many friends but most have moved away

I had a dream where I kissed a woman a few days back oh boy was that fun I wish I had never woken up

That was obviously wrong I'm sorry. It's just that my loneliness obviously doesn't stem from my lack of status or from my poverty since even people mich lower on the social ladder have a romantic life which means all my problems are my own fault and I should feel ashamed for having them which is what I meant to write sorry I was having a panic attack

I have never kissed a woman, I have never slept with a woman, even though i have craved companionship all my life. I feel lonely every time I go to sleep and every time I wake up. I feel ashamed for this and feel like there's something deeply personally wrong with me. My favorite movies are romance movies.

if having my mental breakdowns on here isn't ok please ban me thanks

I JUST WANT TO BE DESIRED BY SOMEONE I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO BE THERE FOR ME LONELINESS MAKES YOU GO CRAZY IM NOT CRAZY ITS CAPITALISM

I WOULD JOIN AN ORG BUT I WAS RANDOMLY BORN IN GERMANY AND EVERY COMMUNIST ORG IS ZIONIST HERE AND ALSO NONE OF THESE PLACES EVER FEEL INVITING I GUESS IVE GOT A CHUD FACE OR SOMETHING HOW DO I PERFORM GOOD LEFTIST MASCULINITY RIGHT PLEASE TELL ME ALSO HOW DO I STOP CARING ABOUT GAZA FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND DEAD AND COUNTING

THE WORLD IS DYING AND NOBODY WANTS TO BE WITH ME

whenever incels are mentioned there are dozens of posts pointing and laughing and laughing and pointing and laughing and pointing and laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointingand laughing and pointing and laughing and pointing

cool on you for getting help for your schizophrenia im just a weaker person who deserves to die i guess

capitalism goes rampant every single day, worsening conditions for everybody, severing all human connections, but yeah just SELF IMPROVE YOURSELF OUT OF IT JUST GO OUT INTO THE NONEXISTANT SOCIAL FABRIC

I JUST BIT MY HAND TILL IT BLED

Wish I had some weed right now damn do I want to smoke some weed right now

saw that i got a call from a friend on discord whom i was supposed to play elden ring nightreign with today while i was on the go and wrote to him that i'd be there in fifteen minutes, only to see when i got home that he is already playing with two other friends, one of whom clearly said he couldn't play today and the other one i don't know. this friend knows that i feel lonely and that i dont have anything to do today. fuck my life

where do i find other better friends also i might have a slight very boring case of borderline personality disorder and want to die