You've commented on some of the previous ones too, right? Thank you, I really appreciate it.
This is the last poem I wanted to share here.
I'd like to thank you all for reading, and I sincerely appreciate all of your kind comments. I'm glad to know my poems resonated with so many people -- that's why I wanted to share them here, in the first place.
The only thing I still have to share is a short novel I wrote, that I mentioned in an earlier comment, but it's still being reviewed. Who knows how long it will take. And of course, I know I'll keep writing -- but inspiration is fickle and hard to come by. I may come back with something else in the future.
Thanks again!
I cover my face before stepping outside, And don't say a word, so my voice won't be pried. I try to blend in, and pray they can't tell -- As if I'm a thief who escaped from her cell. My old mask was blue. I'm glad that it fell. My new mask is pink. I still need to hide.
From closet to stealth Does no good to your health. For people like me, this country looks bleak; If others could see, they'd just see a freak. My new mask is pink. It does make me think. My old mask was blue. What else could I do?
One day they won't tell just by looking at me, But that doesn't mean that I'm finally free. My new mask will then be etched to my face: They'll give me a past that never took place. My old mask was blue. A terrible guise. My new mask is pink. The mask is in their eyes.
-- Lady Scarecrow
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/post/12099240
> I can't help but think at night > Of that which never was, but might. > > I've faced the demons deep inside > And found the answers that they hide. > But if I'd known it all back then, > Just think how much it could've changed... > > It took so long to find the way > That most are trailing every day, > And now they seem so far ahead. > I miss the past I've never had, > Where all I took so long to see > Were always clear, and I'd be free. > > How can I catch up with the rest? > How can I make up for the past? > Is it too late to change my fate? > Have I missed the train of luck? > Has life gone by while I was stuck? > > -- Lady Scarecrow
I can't help but think at night Of that which never was, but might.
I've faced the demons deep inside And found the answers that they hide. But if I'd known it all back then, Just think how much it could've changed...
It took so long to find the way That most are trailing every day, And now they seem so far ahead. I miss the past I've never had, Where all I took so long to see Were always clear, and I'd be free.
How can I catch up with the rest? How can I make up for the past? Is it too late to change my fate? Have I missed the train of luck? Has life gone by while I was stuck?
-- Lady Scarecrow
I managed to get myself into a pretty ridiculous problem.
I wrote a short novel that I wanted to share on here (since it has plenty of trans characters), but there's no way to upload a PDF to Lemmy, and I don't want to use google drive or anything of that sort because of the privacy implications. Well, no big deal, I told myself, I can just upload it into that transreads.org site someone linked the other day. But I wrote it under a pen name, without any mention to this username, and the upload process is completely anonymous, so now I have no way to prove I wrote my own book.
At least the book is still being reviewed, so it's not been released yet and there shouldn't be any other mentions to it anywhere else. So for the record, the book is titled "The witches of Galree" and the pen name I used is Emily Mathison Lovelace. Hopefully that will be enough to prove I'm really the author when the reviewing is over.
Also, if anyone knows a way to share this PDF here, please let me know.
My female friends accepted me as one of them immediately, no questions asked. Nowadays I'd say anything less than that is disrespectful, but back then it meant the world to me.
I remember you shared the letter here. I'm glad to know her initial reaction was good. Things won't always go smoothly between you, but as long as she's trying to understand and support you, it'll be alright. Good luck on your journey!
Also, the fact that I went "I wonder what would happen if I were a girl" instead of "I wonder what would happen if he wasn't straight" is quite telling
I did, and he turned me down. We're still good friends to this day though, so it wasn't a bad ending either.
I haven't done electrolysis myself, only laser, but as far as I know, with electrolysis you have to run a needle through each hair individually, while laser can cover a large area at once. I've heard many people do laser first to massively reduce the amount of hair per area, then electrolysis to kill off the few remaining hairs.
Question
A question fills my head. Were I a girl instead -- Same book, but different cover -- Would you become my lover? Or would we still be friends?
Now, I ask: don't get me wrong. I love our friendship, and it's strong. I love it when I make you smile, Even for a little while. I love it when I'm at your side. Our conversations make my day. And nothing makes me feel more pride Than impressing you some way.
Now, I wonder: can you tell? How you make me feel so well? That this smile is just for you? And if you knew, then what you'd do?
Now, I know that you are straight. And we're both guys, so we won't date. So a question fills my head. Were I a girl instead...
________________________________________________ Note: I wrote this poem before realizing I'm a trans woman, which is why I'm calling myself a guy in there, but I'm absolutely not one. I have since learned that gender isn't just a matter of a "different cover" -- it's definitely part of the book.
-- Lady Scarecrow
Thanks for linking that transreads.org site, it seems very interesting.
It's been a while since I've read it so I don't remember that school festival thing. I do remember the story becomes a lot more serious towards the end, with Mogumo's family and all, but I like it that way. There were problems Mogumo was running from that had to be solved before one could say the story was finished.
There's still some progress to be had and things I'd like to work on, but I'm so, so much better off now than when I started, both physically and mentally, it's honestly unreal
I wonder why you picked that username
A manga called Love me for who I am.
The main character is non-binary but presents in a feminine way, and they're recruited by a classmate to work on a maid cafe. The story is very sincere, and shows many of the struggles we face. I've read it pretty early on my transition and related hard to many of the characters. On that note, there's so many colors of the rainbow in there -- trans women, cross-dressing cis guys, gay guys, a lesbian woman, and of course the non-binary protagonist. It's a great story.
Thank you! To be honest, I'm a bit surprised that a guy would like this poem, though.
I don't know why I keep this mask. It doesn't fit me -- it never has. And now I've figured out this mess, It seems to fit me even less. I would much rather wear a dress...
But where I'm from, the risk's too high. When I still look like a guy (In many ways -- I hate them all), If I step outside the door With these clothes that I adore, What sort of danger would I call?
But I can't waste my life away And live a lie until the day I'll get to look a certain way.
In the end, it's up to me To find the courage that I need And be the girl I wish to be.
-- Lady Scarecrow
Like a girl
From the beginning, girls and boys Are raised in wildly different ways: We're meant to play with different toys, We're shamed or praised for equal traits.
Though I've been groomed to be a man, Deep down, our nature can't be changed. They hope I'm careless and brave, and aggressive and bold, and well-spoken and suave, and detached, even cold.
But I'm sensitive and frail. I'm not an alpha male. Whenever I try it, I hopelessly fail.
Girls have plenty they can wear Cute or stylish -- it's all there! A fine dress, and heads are turned; A cute skirt, their frown's adjourned. The gray manhood can't compare, And it frankly isn't fair...
I can't think of a plan For what's bound to unfurl. They're expecting a man, Yet I think like a girl.
___________________________________________________ Note: I've written this poem before realizing I'm a trans woman. I have since learned there's nothing wrong with manhood -- the problem was that I'm not a man, myself.
-- Lady Scarecrow
I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask, but here goes. If I add spaces to the beginning of a line,
the text is rendered like this.
Is there a way to have actual spaces in the beginning of a line?
Mirror, mirror on the wall, Do I see myself at all?
Why's this beard so thick and vast In my image that you cast? Why's there so much body hair? And the breasts that I should bear? And these arms so far from slender? Where's the sight of my true gender?
Mirror, mirror on the wall, What I've seen has made me crawl.
All I wish you'd show to me Is the woman I can't see. Not the fairest of them all, For whom anyone would fall, Nor a pretty one, indeed. Just a woman's all I plead.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, I can't blame you, after all. You're a physical device Meant to show what's in their eyes.
Mirror, mirror on the wall. You can't hear me as I call. But I'll ask you anyway: Will you show myself one day?
-- Lady Scarecrow
When I was born, so was a ghost. When anyone would look at me, It was the ghost they'd really see.
I was a child, and couldn't tell. I thought I was that ghost as well. But, slowly, truth would start to show. And when at last I let them know...
...They turned their heads and sought the ghost. The ghost was all they wished to see. The ghost was who they loved the most. The ghost of who they thought me to be.
It's been so long, and still they yearn What's only lived inside their minds. I wonder if they'll ever learn That while they seek what none can find, And fail to let me into their hearts, We both end hurt, and drift apart.
-- Lady Scarecrow
The wait
Now I finally see There's a woman in me.
And the void in my heart That would never depart, And the pain that would start Without reason at sight -- All's explained, and alright. And the future looks bright.
But, for now, that's my fate: I must keep it inside. My most beautiful side, Which has blossomed so late, I'm now struggling to hide. For how long must I wait?
To be me, To be free, To pursuit my own glee? Oh, how long will it be?
The path that lies ahead Is harsh and filled with dread, But my resolve won't wane: I'd gladly rush, instead. But life's forced me to refrain And waste this time I won't regain.
Will this new life compensate All the time I'll have to wait?
-- Lady Scarecrow
I finally decided to make an account after lurking so long. Hi everyone. I'm a trans woman, 2-3 years into my transition, and during (and after) the process of figuring it out, I've written several poems, to try and get in touch with my feelings. I think now's a good time to share them, and I believe many people in here will relate to them as well. I was thinking of posting them from time to time to !mtf@lemmy.blahaj.zone unless someone else has a better idea.
