Just keep making accounts on various instances until you can find one that maintains a balance of not being autocratic ban-happy limp-wrist pearl-clutchers and also not full of tankie/pedo/gun-grabber/MAGA nutjobs.
I sincerely apologize for that, my comment is useless to help you. I now regret posting it after reading your reply; everything you said is valid and I hope someone here provides a solution to your question.