dicksteele @ dicksteele @lemm.ee

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4 wk. ago

You don’t mention if you’ve ever gone to therapy in your post. At least I didn’t see it. I suffered a lot of trauma as a child and still to this day have problems maintaining friendships/relationships because of it. It took me a long time to admit that I actually needed therapy because I could just get on with life and enjoyed solitude, but even though being on my own is something I really enjoy, the thing I need to do most is to have some of my thinking rewired. For that I need the help of a therapist I trust and I urge you to look inside yourself and find the truth of what you want. If it’s genuine human connection you want, it’s something that just comes naturally and can’t be forced. To get to those moments you might need some help with how you think about relationships. I wish you all the best though.

I know it’s their legal defense and all, but it’s not like any of us thought they would seed in the first place. Their business is only about taking for profit, not sharing or giving anything back.

Probably my own injuries. When I was a kid, maybe 9-10, was playing football and one of my friends kicked the ball near some flats. I ran to get the ball and didn’t see a nail sticking out the wall, ran into it with my knee and ripped a huge “smile” into it. 15 stitches and some tetanus shots later I was fine but no football for a few weeks.

Also cut the tip of my finger off, which to my surprise grew back.

If I see any I’ll give it a try. I’d be happy just having 101 via IV drip though

Bad writing is to blame for most of the criticism I think. They are just point scoring if they push a female lead because it’s a female lead. Shitty male leads are pushed constantly but the criticism of them is often ignored because the pedestal is often lower. I couldn’t give a fuck about anything Kevin hart or Dwayne Johnson is in for instance, same with plenty of other badly written male characters. Well written characters do more for films/tv than any shoehorning ever could.

I stick with wild turkey 101. There are other probably better ones, but I find it to be delicious especially considering it’s not expensive.

I have an armchair with a footstool. When it’s cold I use a blanket also. My cat refuses to lay on me for some reason, that would be perfection. Chair, blanket and cat.

It was so slow but almost like an age of wonder.

Bourbon. Once I start, there’s nobody around to stop me. I’m a happy drunk though

Existentialism is the branch of philosophy that deals with these problems, I think you would have an interest in it. I struggled with these kind of questions a lot when I was in my 20s (what is the point? Does anything even matter?). I read a lot and hitchhikers guide to the galaxy was the first book that really eased this anxiety for me. There probably is no point in living, it’s fine. Everyone decides on what they are going to do based on their circumstances in life. In the end the universe may not exist again, so what, we were all perfectly fine before it existed and who knows, maybe everything that made your conscious possible will be able to exist again in another universe, you won’t have memories of your past life, at least you shouldn’t have anyway.

I write a little and one of the first stories I wrote was about a being that created the universe from nothing because it was bored, I made a character narrate later on and his thought process was along the lines of “if you existed in this universe, who’s to say you won’t again in another? Whatever random events lead to life being self aware could happen again. The universe could expand until there is no energy left and then retract until the next big bang does it all again. It may not happen for the next trillion cycles but eventually something could happen again like it is now. Maybe it’s all happened before and we just don’t remember it.”

So, even if you don’t find a purpose. You are not alone in your journey. It’s part of being human, to have awareness of your own existence but powerless to know as to why you exist. Some people just can’t handle those kind of truths, it scares them stupid and that’s why you get things like hedonism, flip it the other way and you get nihilism. Despair can come from both.

My own personal thoughts on it are:

You are alive and you are able to do as you please. You always have a choice. If you make your life a journey of accumulating a larger number than others then so be it, I am happier without playing any number games. I want to see things and meet people and interact with them. I love petting cats and dogs, I love ducks. I enjoy the fact that my tongue evolved enough so that I can enjoy the taste of good food and tasty bourbon. I like to know that I am helping someone or something else not be scared of existing, like if my cat is worried because of a noise, I can soothe her nerves and she doesn’t have to feel fear anymore. I am still able to see the good in humanity even if I don’t have much faith in the world currently. There are problems with society as it currently stands in the west but if everyone can find it in themselves to be honest with each other and help one another out then the world will be somewhere worth living in, no matter how short that time is in the grand scheme of things. One day the sun will explode, will the universe care about some billionaire’s wealth? No. Nor should anyone now, if that’s what they choose then so be it. What really matters is not what you do for yourself but what you do for everything else.

/schizo rant

The shawshank redemption, 12 angry men and apocalypse now.

I’ll be back at work today and over the weekend so mainly going to and from work. In my spare time I will play through re4, which I briefly played when it first released at a friends house. I love the setting and the graphics are great. I think it’s the folk horror vibes that the village gives me that keeps me interested in it. It’s been in my library for a while but just recently watched nosferatu(2024) and it’s reminded me to play it.

Better and better. I have finalised things so that I can move from my beautiful apartment (in a bad area) to a much quieter house further out of the city. I’ve mostly just been working and staying in hermit mode until I move. This area has caused me a great deal of stress due to lots of shitty people being around the building day and night. I don’t go anywhere currently by foot because I’m so concerned with my safety and just the other day somebody decided to buzz in 2 masked individuals that then ran inside and stole everyone’s deliveries from the lobby. It’s bad enough navigating some of the obstacles around the area without dumbasses letting anyone in the building because they are too lazy to check who they actually are. It was always pretty bad around here but there is a certain group of individuals that hang out around the outside that I am particularly worried about. In August I confronted one of them because he was traumatising a homeless lady that was just trying to sleep in a doorway, he was high so I just walked away after he left her alone but his friend saw which building I entered and they waited outside until midday (about 5 hours later) then they tried to follow me but I stopped and let them know that I knew and they backed off. After months of constantly seeing them around I have moved on from it but I am still cautious around the outside of the building. People like that are opportunists and predatory in their nature so it’s best not to get caught off guard, unfortunately it’s stressful, so I’m moving. /rant

Listen here gramps. Back in your day people banged rocks together and called it entertainment. Me and my ai girlfriend laugh about cavemen like you.

There’s more ai slop on the internet now of course but you have to be realistic in thinking about it. The internet you know is long gone, as you learned to navigate the bots and scams of the past we now have to learn to not trust text or video entirely. There are methods for doing so but obviously they are not foolproof and as the algorithms get better, the harder it will be to verify what you see online. It’s just a process that we will eventually adapt to. Maybe people will go back to interacting offline again though. Wait until we get artificial people, then what will we do?

I used to use opensuse and it was always a solid distro. I switched to manjaro after because I wanted to try an arch based system, that was not arch btw, it was also solid. I have settled on fedora though for many years now and I doubt I’ll ever switch again. At least for me, it does give better performance in games like csgo/2, not as good as windows but I also didn’t have any issues with the last of us, after a few patches anyway. Red dead redemption 2 runs better than on windows with fedora (for me).

I use fedora btw.

Can’t speak for North Sea but Mediterranean Sea is not so rough. Crossing the Atlantic during hurricane season in the us was probably the roughest body of water I’ve been in.

I am so excited for this trilogy of films already. Maybe I’m going to be disappointed because I’m overhyping it to myself but I love the idea of 28 x later taking on a folk horror vibe.

How long before the Nintendo lawyers strike it down?

“Sir your protein spheres have been heated to adequate temperature, you may consume them”