Personally, it sounds like you need to repair yourself before seeking out relationships. If you're miserable and seeking company, I don't think you're going to find that makes for a good relationship foundation. You're going to therapy which is a great idea. But I get the sense you're not taking the possibility that you're unhappy seriously enough. Based on your description, you're unhappy and "fucked up" and want someone just like that. That's not going to end well in any regard. This is coming from someone with a long history of mental health struggles who has also found themselves in similar relationships.
You're going to need to see therapy as a way to get past that fucked up self. I ended up taking SSRIs. I needed medication to heal. It took me a long time before finally admitting that, but it changed my life. I believe you need to find something to help you truly heal yourself whether it's medication, CBT, group therapy, etc. You don't have to be fucked up and pessimistic forever. Being optimistic and/or having stability doesn't mean you're naive to the world around you. It doesn't mean you have to change your worldviews entirely. It just means you're not actively destroying yourself as a result of your worldviews.
I just can't imagine two miserable people making a good relationship. Someone will always seek out a way to find pleasure or relief from that misery: cheating, drug abuse (not just drug use), abuse of each other, etc.
I'm not a therapist, but I've dealt with depression for decades. That's just my 2 cents.
What does VISA sponsorship require? Maybe you could setup a farm/agrarian business and offer VISA sponsorship for migrants. As an American, I'd consider becoming a farmer with the opportunity to become an EU citizen lol probably not easy to do for a reason though.
I feel like solar farming was a good suggestion from someone else. Maybe plant some trees if you're not keen on making it a farm. If you can get it zoned, you might be able to get investment for residential? Though public transportation is lacking, maybe you could be the start of a small apartment complex or something like that. Idk much about this kind of thing.
I agree with you in principle, but they won't do it and you're likely going to end up struggling. There are other payment plan options that I encourage you to research before you end up in more debt which you can't offload. It's fucked up, I know. And I'm sorry you're having to decide between a payment or shelter. Obviously shelter comes first. But there might be other options to allow you to have both.
It always takes way longer to think about what to type than to type it out. So any benefits from speedier typing don't speed up the ultimate road block: our brains.
That first season on Trek, 'Sins of the Father' was the episode. It was a Worf story. Worf goes back to his homeworld for the first time and has this whole thing about his honor. I was down on the set and I'm digging it: 'It was a big Klingon show, this is kind of cool.' There's Michael Dorn and he has this line in a scene where he discovers one of the other Klingons has betrayed them. The line is, 'Someone should feed this Ha'dibah to the dogs!'... and Michael immediately goes, 'You know what? It's a great script but then somebody writes you a line of dialogue like that and the whole thing is just so stupid.'
Michael Dorn obviously wasn't a fan of the line, but he's stated many times over the years he is a big lover of Worf. Fortunately, he remained (mostly) professional during the filming of the episode. Ronald D. Moore didn't even scare him away from playing a Klingon, even if the line was terrible.
There's more to it but that's the gist. The writer continued to write and shined despite this one off "gaff".
Pizza delivery is notoriously dangerous. More pizza delivery drivers get shot than cops. It took a long time for people to build up the courage and sense of responsibility for pizza before they braved those streets.
I think that's "queefing" rather than "quething" FYI