Oh no, we have people who think like you here? :(

Pretty familiar. I first learned about the fediverse when I joined Mastodon. I kept it at arms length as just a curiosity until Elon bought Twitter last year, when I switched to Mastodon full time. Since then I joined Pixelfed, Lemmy, Kbin, and checked out Calckey.

I greatly prefer some of the "wrong" ones. Not everyone needs to talk like a corporate robot.