bicuriousButters [he/him] @ bicuriousButters @hexbear.net

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Joined

1 yr. ago

how do you feel and what do you do with your emotions when you're attracted to women who aren't your wife?

I acknowledge the feelings, but often feel frustrated that I can't act on them. I unfortunately had very little sexual experience with other women before my wife.

bonus though, if your wife is into it, you can talk to each other about what you find attractive in men.

this is a bit of a tricky one for us...she's fine telling me when she thinks other guys are cute or hot, but only because she's never been strongly attracted to anyone else...whereas if I mention finding a guy cute, the next question would be "do you want to sleep with them?", and any answer other than "no, not at all" will end up hurting her.

Thanks for this, it means a lot. I also have felt like there's no talking her into any kind of ethical nonmonogamy. If she was open to it at all, she would have said so before, right? Revisiting the topic will only open old wounds.

That said, I still don't know what to do with the feelings I have. I've been attracted to others in the past, sometimes very strongly, and it will probably happen again. And not acting on those feelings at all (or not even expressing them) feels like I'm suppressing that part of myself. That's what I think I'm really struggling with.