SterlingPooper [none/use name] @ SterlingPooper @hexbear.net

if you think my username sucks wait til you read my comments

---

Read more

Posts

5

Comments

140

Joined

5 yr. ago

Gotta invent a nonverbal way to express needs

Now wait just a darn minute! These souvenir coins could potentially serve as a fiat currency in the region after the collapse of the dollar. They may be the only thing we have that's worth saving.

"Then it occurred to me. I wasn't abandoning my friends by ghosting them, I was creating opportunities for them to figure things out for themselves, instead of talking to other people about it like a wuss.

I was deeply excited by this new way I could be there for my friends. I got to work identifying which ones were depressed so I could cut off contact, and get them the help they so desperately needed."

Talking and listening are very involved for me, I mull over information a lot before I can put my thoughts into words. It's tiring.

Wish someone cared that I had a bad time, that I felt left out. I'm gonna die a third wheel. Being around people is triggering, hearing about people who have transitioned is triggering, I'm ready to run into the woods. Fuck all of this.

::: spoiler not good, folks If it had been up to me, the right people wouldn't have left in the first place and I wouldn't have had to sit and figure out what the hell is wrong with me. I don't know if others are supposed to care. Maybe I just get therapy and transition and never tell anyone. But Hot Fuck it would be nice to have some sort of standard, or baseline, or average for what to shoot for, to start, for now.

It would be nice to have someone actively engaging with my problems because that's always what I've done for others. Checking in to see if they're making progress. Asking how they are. Maybe that's codependent and fucked up and gross and betrays boundaries. But it's what I want. Is it bad that I want some of the attention in my life to be unprompted? Am I a sinful beast for wanting the energy I have given to reciprocate in some recognizable form? Maybe I am awful for wanting that.

Like maybe my brain is cooked from gas station weed and pushing carts around a department store but you have to on some level observe the path you are taking and the direction you are moving in, and I just see people who are like "uhhhhhh how the fuck to get there?" idk, maybe pick a direction and walk, dumbass

Edit: I'm sure I'm a gremlin or codependent or something, I just think when you observe a pattern like "oh, this person always gets left behind" "oh, this person says they're fine but has problems" "oh this person is always looking after others" you have information that you can then act upon, and not acting on that information makes you complicit.

Idk. I'm having a hard time with people infodumping in that I straight up tune out and start wondering "this has no relevance to me, why on earth are they still talking"

Like I can't pretend to care about something I straight up don't give a shit about. I can't listen to a recommendation and an indepth review of a show that I haven't seen and will never see.

If I were asked, I'd talk about it politely. Like, idk.

The fast group is outpacing the slow group and I wanted us to stay together, so I'm in between and not getting to enjoy being with any of them. But everyone else can just stumble around looking at stuff. I care about leaving space so other groups and visitors can see/walk and it's just not conducive to that. I'm directing traffic instead of looking at things. It kinda feels like I'm here by myself, yet I cannot set my own pace. Sucks.

I don't know. I think some people are genuinely surprised to discover the third dimension. Trying to walk around a museum with people who lack basic awareness. Really testing me

How do people wake up and instantly start talking. Most conversations before my coffee feel like a hostage situation tbh

Arcades have good vibes

I think America is ready for the look tbh

Oh, okay.

keep falling asleep with the lights on. it's bothersome

I can relate

Their articles were mostly written in Russian and the topical nature of the jokes may be lost on modern audiences since the collapse.