Obligatory Libertarian Police Department
spoiler
I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.
“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”
“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”
“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”
The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”
“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”
“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”
He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”
“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”
I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.
“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.
“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.
“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”
It didn’t seem like they did.
“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”
Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.
I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.
“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.
Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.
“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.
I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”
He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.
“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”
“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.
“Because I was afraid.”
“Afraid?”
“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”
I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.
“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”
He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me.
If you check the domain I believe you'll find it's mostly v.reddit links. There's one power poster throwing quite a lot of them out at the minute, so we might need an update from Lawrence.
A north-eastern word for a north-eastern crime.
Probably won't be the only scratter involved judging by this picture
A message from Creative Assembly's Rob Bartholomew (Chief Product Officer) and Rich Aldridge (Senior Game Director).
Hi everyone. I’m Rob Bartholomew, Chief Product Officer here at Creative Assembly.
First off, I’d like to thank you for making your voices heard over the past week. Hopefully longer-term Total War fans know that even when we’re quiet, we’re always listening to everything you have to say to us. We’ve had many conversations about it internally and would like to shed some light on the situation.
Last week, we revealed the latest DLC for Total War: WARHAMMER III – Shadows of Change, bringing The Changeling, Yuan Bo, Mother Ostankya and more to the game. The teams have been hard at work on this for some time and we are excited for you to get your hands on it.
To get right into it: our costs are up. Unfortunately, that means that prices have to rise. We know any increase is going to be tough, which is why our prices have remained fairly stable over the past few years. The downside is that any increase today is going to be more noticeable.
There’s no good time to increase prices, and we have not taken this step lightly. However, this is the business reality of supporting WARHAMMER III and ensuring we’re able to offer the years of extra content that are currently planned.
That said, we do need to challenge ourselves to ensure that this cost still offers good value. Ultimately, that’s up to each of you to decide and we’ll keep trying to balance that. Of course, we want more people to play, we want to continue to deliver content you’re excited to see, and we want to do that for as long as we can.
To share more on WARHAMMER III specifically, here is an update from Rich Aldridge, Senior Game Director:
“With Shadows of Change, we wanted to somewhat break the mould of past DLCs to ensure that we could bring you as much content variety as possible. You all have your favourite lords, heroes and races to play, and restricting our products to a single race or faction hasn’t always met your expectations. We also hoped this would improve the pace at which we’re able to get content to you, which has been a challenge.
“I’m really excited by what we’ve created in Shadows of Change and Update 4.0. The Changeling plays like no other in the series. Scheming and tricking your enemies into conflict with one another whilst leeching off other settlements feels great and we really hope it opens up new gameplay opportunities.
“I’m equally itching to see how you get on with Yuan Bo the Jade Dragon and Mother Ostankya, two new characters for the series and WARHAMMER world, both of whom have their own agendas and are ruthless in their actions.
“Talking of the patch, it offers a host of fixes as you might expect, including Nakai once again being able to use his Kroxigors, Bretonnian vows now progressing correctly in campaign for Damsels, ranged units no longer running headfirst into melee when out of ammo, and Cathay Legendary Lords now having magical items. But that’s just a few of the changes. Look out for our full patch notes closer to release.
“To wrap up, I can’t stress enough how much the team and I want the best for the game, and to provide you with fun and memorable experiences. Changing the content formula, and making other improvements behind the scenes, is designed to help us to do exactly that. We’ll keep assessing and iterating as we stay on this path.
“Thanks as always for your support and voicing your concerns. Both are important to us. I hope you enjoy Shadows of Change once it’s in your hands.”
So, to recap – we know this is a tough change for some of our players. We know this may mean some of you wait for future discounts or sales. And we know that this explanation does not make the situation any easier. But it’s important for you to hear from us and we hope that, if nothing else, this helps clarify why this decision has been made.
Finally, we need to ask you again to stop directing abuse at individual team members. Frustrated as you may get, these are human beings who spend many hours representing you and your voices within the studio. All of our work gets easier when they are treated with respect.
– Rob Bartholomew, Chief Product Officer (Creative Assembly)
I've been building a house for over a month now. Trash game but you better believe I'm finishing that thing.
Google maps just sort of stopped working for my local transit. It now mostly just shows its shitty Uber-like service Bolt. I started using Citymapper instead but I think it's a British app so your mileage may vary. No complaints from me though!
I asked my friend to begrudgingly sign up to feddit.uk and the request never goes through. Is there some sort of server issue?
