To clarify what I mean, I as a Femboy have had people very aggressively try and say that I am a "trans girl in-denial" because of the fact that I dress like a girl.
Why is this behavior seen as okay or acceptable in the community, when it pushes very hurtful gender stereotypes onto people? Some people say it's to help people who are actually in denial but that seems wrong and contradictory because I've also heard that the way someone identifies needs to be respected, so in that regard the idea of challenging and gaslighting people who are perceived as being "in-denial" isn't respecting their identity. Also there's the whole part about dismantling harmful gender stereotypes when the whole idea of Egg culture actually forces these onto people with the idea that dressing as a girl makes someone a girl when that simply isn't true and it is about identifying that way, not about conformity.
The worst ones I've experienced though were heteronormity, because I am also gay I was told that it's a sign that I'm a girl because "boys aren't attracted to boys" yes I was hit with homophobia and the people doing tried to use it as an example of why I must be trans.
I should note that this behavior has been very rare both here on lemmy.ca and on lemmy.blahaj.zone, most of the really bad stuff has happened to me from Reddit and IRL friends, I've also seen quite a bit on raddle.me but I don't have an account or presence there (thankfully).
Seriously I'd really like to know why people think this is okay, I know some people think it can be helpful or beneficial but I don't see how something that causes severe stress, discomfort, and self-doubt can be beneficial i.e.
>Oh Sweetie, stop lying to yourself you're not a boy, boys don't act like that. No matter how much you deny it you're already a girl. All you need is HRT to give you boobs and bottom surgery.
>You're attracted to boys? That's not very cis, you dress and act like a girl and if you're also attracted to boys that indicates that you are definitely a girl. You need to accept that you are trans whether you like it or not.
>She's so totally in denial, I mean just look at her, it's so clear that she's a girl, yet she thinks that she's a tr*p. One day she'll figure it all out and feel so stupid.
Yeah these and plenty of the other ones like them really made me feel gross and uncomfortable, definitely disrespected. I really don't see how any of these could be felt as supportive or compassionate when they are so cold and harsh and have so little consideration for the person receiving them.
Second one seems very likely, the text in the sidebar implies that it's very hands off "Why trust some Big Tech corporation to host your data when some random geek can do it?". Also the instance went down for a few minutes when I tried to post something there on my old account but then miraculously came back up again, I'm not sure if Lemmy has automatic crash recovery so this might not be a good indicator.
I'd say it's not quite KKK level content but it's not very far off, their leader said that he would ban anyone promoting violence but he also said it was because we would use it to vilify right-wingers which doesn't make me think he's against it, just trying to save face. It he weren't he probably would be encouraging violence. So it's right on the edge of being KKK level.
Also by the way the defederation has already happened, lemmy.world is no longer connected to rammy which is why I'm replying from a lemmy.ca account.
We want to be a welcoming instance and those kind of discussions can be head somewhere else.
I know it probably wasn't intentional but I love what you did there "can be head somewhere else", I just think it's kind of funny because the malicous users are from the instance known as exploding-heads. I know I'm such a dork.
I agree with both of these points, users definitely need the ability to block instances that they don't want to see
Instances which violate your home instance's rules or are a threat to the instance should be defederated to protect the users on that instance and maintain a healthy community.
EDIT Also I love how people never have proof (links or screenshots) to prove you’re not lying.
"That's awful, where can I find it" is what that sounds like.
I know you didn't intend it that way but it does kind of sound that way. Also if you do want to see it or you think I'm lying you can just go to https://rammy.site and see for yourself, it's not hard to find at all. I'm not going to post links to the posts though, that feels very much like promoting and/or endorsing them and I don't want to cater to people who want to look at awful stuff either as doom scrolling or because they're Nazis themselves, if I'm going to send links to anyone it would be the Admins of lemmy.world, I didn't feel the need though because like I said you can just go look there at the main page of the site.
Also it's already been defederated (hence why I'm now on Lemmy.ca) so I think this situation is resolved.
Thank you so much for your work moderating this instance, you and people like you are truly making lemmy a better place for all of us.
Figured out what it was, rammy only works through https, typing in rammy.site without the https:// causes it to go automatically to http:// which doesn't connect. It also works though Tor because Tor forces https unconditionally and won't connect to sites without it.
You don't seem to understand why I'm pushing defederation, do you, or you agree with those right-wing nazis over there, if it's the second one why don't you just go join them then, your instance is federated with both rammy and their home community exploding-heads.
To the more level headed people out there I understand that defederation is a very extreme measure not to be taken lightly, I also understand that some instances don't defederate from political instances (which is why I did not and will not reach out to lemm.ee or any other instances that federate with EH about this issue) this is however an extreme circumstance as an instance is unmoderated and currently being overrun by members from an instance that this current one (both .world and .ca) have defederated and they are using rammy as a proxy to push their agenda. Maybe some of you may agree with what they are saying but the instance operators and majority of their users don't and thus it is up to them to defederate.
Since Rammy's admin is either unavailible or doesn't care about his communities anymore (shown by how it's un-moderated) defederation is the best option moving forward to maintain a healthy instance and avoid potential legal and security issues that might arrive from being connected to an unmaintained instance.
You clearly don't understand this situation at all if you think that this is about beliefs or that I'm a liar. Either that or you actually agree with those people over there (if so why don't you go join them then, nazis love to get new recruits).
The reason I made this post and many others on other instances is because these people on rammy are posting incredibly hostile transphobic content which is dangerous because it both causes emotional harm to people, but also can indirectly lead to physical harm (there is a proven link between transphobic propaganda and acts of violence towards people who are trans, look trans, "act trans", etc.). So this is not something to be taken lightly by any means.
Now the problem ultimately is solved because lemmy.world, lemmy.ca, and a few others have already defederated rammy.site for the issues I mentioned here and in my post. However it was important that I made this post to spread awareness of the issue so that action could be taken in a timely manner.
I would never recommend joining an instance hosted by one person with very little activity (and open registrations), those ones are prime targets for hate groups like the one operating right now on rammy.