If he is real then he is dead. If he is not dead then he exists like a reflection in a mirror exists. If he is more than a reflection then he hates me.
I hate the world. I'm the son of a junkie. I'm old without a family of my own. I've lived my life having to kowtow to the privileged and imbecilic to earn table scraps. Now I go hungry because such people lead my nation and have ripped the last scraps of providence from my grasp. I am wretched.
Hate is the core of my being. Without it I'm as hollow as a ghost.
Hate. Hate for the world. Hate for myself. I've seen my reflection in the obsidian mirror. If Tezcatlipoca was real I would live for the laughter he must have at my expense for my misery. Tezcatlipoca isn't real and I hate that.
So did this Ms. Jefferies turn you down for a date? This is why you give all women the "ick" dude. Ever thought about self improvement and growing as a person instead of doing this bizarre cringe shit?
My life is garbage and I'm struggling to keep a roof over my head. Want to trade stories?
Reading words of sympathy from people I don't know has never made me feel good. Listing grievances against reality to randos on the internet is a lot more amusing in my opinion.
Even with billions of cacao beans exchanges, Aztec cacao sellers took great measures to disguise their fake cacao. According to Bernard Sahagun, a Spaniard documenting Aztec lives, cacao sellers processed fakes using hot ashes, chalk, and a generous coating of amaranth dough, wax, or avocado pits (Coe 100). To further camouflage their counterfeit cacao, sellers mixed the fake cacao with pure Theobroma cacao beans. Other cacao deception experts exploited empty shells by filling the insides with mud (De Maré).
One: Women would use indigo hair dye called xiuquilitl to turn their hair blue.
Two: In Tenochtitlán human waste would be collected from public toilets for fertilizer. Thus it was someone's job to sail the "poop canoe" to deliver night soil.
Three: Only a certain type of cacao was used as currency. Counterfeiting was rampant.
You try finding a qualified lapidarist in 2025. You can't Fiver that. Nobody wants to work anymore. I'm good for the cacao beans needed to pay the bill.
I absolutely do not feel ok today.