Gender affirmation only counts to them if it defies the sex or gender binary. They're completely fine with people modifying their bodies to affirm their masculinity or femininity so long as they were assigned male or female at birth accordingly.
Trans people pursuing medical transition are such a small percentage of the population that cis people getting hormone therapy or affirming surgeries will always dwarf the number of trans people who are. Throw in all of the ways we affirm the gender of cis people, through language and fashion and culture and so on, and it's evident what their gripe is. It's never been about children receiving gender affirmation, merely their conviction that transgender people do not exist or are immoral and evil and shouldn't exist. There's a reason modern transphobia is highly intertwined with fascism. To believe that an entire group of people, based solely on their gender, is immoral and evil is only possible through a lense of dehumanization and conspiracy. Something they are especially good at. We are too few in number and too disparate to counteract the efforts of fascists, who by themselves outnumber us in every way.
You'll note I discussed the context subtext and use of the word in my comments. 🙃 that's what this whole thing has been about... sigh
Can you also stop trying to insinuate that I'm not an anglophone person? It's fucking weird
I'm reacting to the comment made by the commenter. Those are not semantically the same statement, though. They literally aren't. It expresses an expectation for others' bodies to be a certain way and a dissappointment when they aren't. The word dissapponted is not interchangeable with preference. "I dislike nipple piercings" is not the same thing as "I am disappointed in women who get them." You intuitively know this too because someone being angry with you implies a direct response to something you've done. Someone being disappointed in you implies they had an expectation for you that you failed to meet. It also takes literally nothing from the speaker to clarify this, which the commenter did not.
I have no feelings whatsoever on the subject of whether the commenter likes nipple piercings or not. I do not have nipple piercings and am entirely uninterested in what the commenter thinks about them. I object to men using language that enforces ownership over women's bodies. As I said in my prior comment, this is an everyday occurrence for us. This happens to us all the time. My body is not your business, and the bodies of random women are not the business of the commenter.
As I said before, how would he materially know how many women have nipple piercings? It's possible to have them and them not be visible in public. If his gripe was with how many women he's hooked up with that have them, he would've said that not that he's disappointed in women who get them.
This entire thing stemmed from a simple call out on something the commenter said. A way that his language implied that women's bodies should be a certain way. It was never a big deal until several men immediately mischaracterized what I said and tried to imply that I am stupid, that I dont know what I'm talking about, that I'm weird, that I don't speak English lol. One commenter rambled on about his dick. I would've left the comment and moved on, that was always my intent. It was the visceral response at the mere suggestion that something he said may have had a misogynistic implication that prolonged this conversation into what it became.
It's not just based on the dictionary it's literally what the word fucking means. Jesus christ. Re-read my comments. I have absolutely no desire to continue this. I've made my fucking point. Leave me alone.
No, I'm not. If you don't know what the word disappointed means, you should look it up.
One minute, you're rambling about your engorged member, and the next you're demonstrating again that you still don't understand what I was saying. Fuck off.
That would be true, but for one, the percentage of women with nipple piercings is statistically insignificant. For two, you don't actually have any measurable way of telling with certainty how popular those piercings are. So it's not really as comparable to hair color, which you can ascertain at a glance. And even then, I would expect some kind of clarification that this has been obtrusive or obstructive to the speaker. "I've been disappointed so many times to find out that my date had their nipples pierced" or something to that effect. Just saying "some women are doing this aesthetic thing to their bodies, and it disappoints me" is not really saying the same thing.
There may be a fundamental disagreement here over whether or not it is valid to feel a sense of ownership over other people's appearances. "Oh no, that guy would've been so cute if he hadn't grown out a mullet I wish he hadn't" would be a strange thing to think, let alone verbalize, about a stranger. It implies that by virtue of that man changing some aspect of appearance the speaker has lost something tangible. It might give the speaker pause in that situation to realize that their language kinda makes it seem like they're entitled to "mullet-less" men. We also have to consider the emphasis that puts on men who do have mullets. The speaker in this case is collectively denigrating all of them for failing to meet their expectation of non-mullet hairstyles, despite those men not knowing the speaker and having nothing to do with them.
Yes, here I am, not making any arguments about his preferences. 🙄
I'm not upset with the concept of disappointment. I'm calling out the fact that saying he's disappointed with women for having piercings is a statement about how women's bodies should be. It's saying that women are beholden to an expectation of how their bodies should be, and that when they have nipple piercings they are failing to meet his expectations of them.
You're just petulantly refusing to actually respond to what I have said at this point. I don't care about his preferences.
Youre mischaracterizing what I said as though I made some comment about the commenter having preferences. Which is not and never was what I said.
If you're going to call out something I said and the implication in it, at least tell me what I said that you're calling out and what the implication was in what I said.
It is about women's bodies though, a piercing is a form of body modification.
And yeah, in a world where women's bodies and attire weren't policed to an extreme degree it might be the same. But it isn't. It's not that there's some linguistic difference but rather that policing women's bodies happens in millions of unique ways every day. It does happen in some ways to men too, body weight, height, body fat and hygiene those kinda things. Women are policed for those things too, in addition to a million other factors. And we suffer social consequences for those things in ways men do not. We suffer even if we do meet those expectations, because ownership over our bodies is still being taken.
It would still illicit a similar response of confusion from me if someone said they were "dissappointed so many men were getting nipple piercings". What is the causal relationship between the speaker and the men in question? Why does the speaker feel entitled to those men's bodies? It would still be weird and wrong to say that. I hear people making claims about women's bodies literally every day though, and pretty uncommonly about men's in the same way.
Lol yeah okay have fun dude you're still mischaracterizing what I said. I never said anything about him having preferences. 🙄
He didn't say someone in particular. He said he was "disappointed so many girls" are getting those piercings. That doesn't imply specific women, it implies women in general.
It's fine for him not to like them, I'm calling out his use of language and how it implies that all women are beholden to some expectation he has for them.
The rest of your comment is genuinely bizarre and I have no idea what you're even talking about. Read through the comment tree again. I never said anything about who the commenter was. Just calling out something he said and the implication inherent in it.
That's not what I said. I questioned why he said he is disappointed with what random women are doing with their bodies. I can paste the definition of the word here if you don't know what it means.
No I'm saying that using that term implies an expectation for those women that they are failing to meet. I am asking why he has an expectation for random women to not get those piercings. Re-read my comment omg 🙄
You also accused me of not knowing how to speak English while seemingly not understanding what the word dissappointed means.
Yeah I'm toxic, you're the one who flipped out at me for asking the commenter a question 😂 I'll admit it was aggro but I don't know you and was not trying to make a statement about your personal life that I have no knowledge of. I was showing the way that word functions and how it differs from other direct feelings in response to something. Disappointment is a specific emotion with a specific meaning.
He didn't say that if someone he dated had nipple piercings he'd be dissappointed, he said he was "disappointed so many girls" are choosing to get them. Don't try and reframe what he said. You don't have to come up with elaborate allegories we can talk about what he said right there.
disappointed dɪsəˈpɔɪntɪd
adjective
- sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfil one's hopes or expectations.
- (of hopes or expectations) prevented from being realized.
Here saved you a Google search lmao 😂
He used the word dissappontment holy shit do you not know what the word means??
He used that word I'm no fucking misinterpreting him lmao
I never said people shouldn't have opinions on fashion choices omfg I was literally calling out his framing of that opinion 😂 yall are tripping omg haha
I havent gone swimming in around a decade, and now that I'm a little over a year post up I really want to but I'm still so nervous to actually go and buy a swimsuit. 😅 there's something intimidating or nerve wracking about the process.
Anyone have experiences buying swimsuits? Is there any tips going in I should know? I think I know what style I want, a 2 piece with high waisted bottoms and a top with an underwire.
I was thinking of making a community engagement post last week in the run up to the Easter weekend and transgender day of visibility, but it got lost under a recent promotion at work and a few busy days.
So yeah how was your Easter weekend / TDoV? 😊 Most of my family is on vacation so I just had a quiet weekend at home with my partner. All the drama that went down with TDoV landing on Easter Sunday was.. unsettling to say the least. I hope everyone was able to weather that storm of hate and propaganda safely.
Hello everyone,
Just wanted to quickly add that the finalized format for requesting engagement has been decided. A commenter in the other thread suggested a similar format. (Thank you @Kayday@lemmy.world)
At the start of the body of your post, not in the title, the first line should look like the following.
[Requesting Engagement from _________]
For clarity purposes, this is the official way to request specific engagement groups. I'll respect other methods, but this way, it keeps things nice and transparent.
Hi everyone,
I've been thinking over how to address large amounts of outside engagement disrupting the safety of our community. As Lemmy is a large space that extends well beyond the borders of our community, when posts hit front page we often start getting a lot of engagement on posts by people outside of the transfeminine experience. Often well-meaning people engage here and say things that are insensitive, require OP to further explain themselves and their experiences unrelated to the topic of the post, or disrupt the safety of the space for transfeminine people.
This is a problem that I'm taking seriously. The purpose of this community as I see it is and has always been to provide a safe supportive community to transfeminine people. So with that in mind posters are now allowed to request engagement from specific groups on their post. This can be gender diverse people, trans people with unsupportive parents, trans parents, people who have struggled with addictions, trans people of color, etc.
I've seen a few people make comments on engagement issues lately and so I've decided that this course of action makes the most sense to preserve the safety of the community while still allowing engagement from other people when that engagement is wanted.
How you choose to make this clear is for the moment up to you. You can add a tag in your title, state so explicitly in your title, or write it somewhere in your post (try and do so clearly as I might not have the chance to fully read your post in time).
Moderator action may be taken per your request. I'm choosing to keep a steady eye on how this affects the community and to ensure that it isn't being weaponized against marginalized people within our community. I ask that everyone is patient and expect some adjustment to this new rule. A certain amount of discretion will also be applied on a per incident basis, this is not a rule banning all non-transfems from the community just providing posters a choice with regards to engagement.
This new change has been added to the sidebar and is considered effective immediately.
Feedback on this change would be great. If you think some aspect of this should be changed or you have concerns please let us know.
It's been a while since we've had a general discussions thread, and with the holiday season ramping up, I imagine a lot of us are feeling very stressed and worn out.
Spending time with family members is always a time, to say the least. Getting my family to respect my partner's they/them pronouns has been frustrating and exhausting. It enfuriates me that they can understand and respect my pronouns, but only because I'm binary gendered. Getting very sick of deconstructing the "them is multiple people" argument, as well as the "I'm still a lesbian even though my partner is transmasc non-binary" conversation. 😓
But aside from that, I'm actually excited about the holidays this year. And I hope everyone has something to look forward to, time with friends and family who love and accept us. We all deserve love, compassion, and acceptance, and to be able to enjoy a time of year that should be representative of all those things.
This space is 100% open and welcoming of venting, frustration, whatever you want to post here. And if you see cishet people disrupting you, disrupting the community, invalidating your feelings or opinions please report them and we will deal with them accordingly. I'm not handing out bans to every cis person who has an opinion on anything here, but this is not a space for cisgender people. If you're reading this and you're cisgender, you are welcome to post and contribute here. By all means, do so. But keep in mind that this space is not for you. You are a visitor in this community. How we feel, how we struggle, the experiences we as transfeminine people have come first every single time. I won't change that. And if you're going to participate here, you need to abide by that.
I just wanted to get that out of the way because occasionally we get an influx of people from other parts of the fediverse here and they are welcome but I continue to see cisgender experiences being used to invalidate transgender ones. And that's going to be a focus of mine going forward.
What are your thoughts on this time of year? What's been your experiences so far with family, the good and the bad? Let's all support each other through this. And what are your thoughts on how this community has been over the last few months? I'd love to hear it if anyone had any suggestions or thoughts on how our community has been operating.
I'm starting to hit a bit of a wall with voice training lately. I can find my resonance, I can adjust the positioning of my vocal cords and where my voice is coming from. I occasionally pass on the phone, and I work all day over the phone so I do get pretty regular indirect feedback in terms of how my voice gets me gendered.
But I am very much struggling with pitch and maintaining consistent pitch. It's just not happening and even when everything else is perfect my pitch will slip, and then I'll get misgendered. I cant seem to find a specific pitch and comfortably rest there. I'm also 8 years in at this point, I've been doing voice training for a long time and I just think when it comes down to it I might be one of the women for whom training alone just isn't enough.
I've done a lot of research into glottoplasty and find myself in a financial position where I could hypothetically afford it. Most accounts from people who've had the procedure seem to indicate they've had great results with it, but there's a lot of people who swear that it'll basically render me mute if I get it done. Its minimally invasive and the surgeon I'm considering has good rapport with his patients and I'm confident he'd do great. But on the whole I'm hesitating a little bit and curious what other people think. I do IT work that involves using the phone quite a bit, but if I had to take time off work for a little while that would almost certainly be fine. I don't sing and really don't have any concerns with regard to vocal range either.
Are you considering vocal feminization surgery? Why or why not? Have you experienced similar things with regards to voice training, or has training alone been enough for you?
Feel free to chime in with whatever thoughts you have on the operation or voice training in general.
I'd like to welcome @ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone to the transfem moderation team! 🤗 Ada is one of the admins of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance and a very active member of the transfem community. She has already been providing me with assistance in running the community and answering any questions that I have, she's a perfect fit for our second moderator.
The addition of Ada to our moderation team helps maintain the safety of our community and our readiness for more complex moderation issues. Please as always report any rule breaking you see and we will address it as soon as possible.
Thank you so much Ada for joining the moderation team! 😄
My right breast just cannot stay in the cup and starts to slowly slip partly down as the day goes on. Ive even used the calculator at r/abtf and tried on probably a dozen sizes in my search. This bra is perfect when everything's in place, but give me an hour and I'll inevitably have to awkwardly find a chance to pull it back up again 🙃🙃 very frustrated today lol
This place gets quiet sometimes... I hope everyone's having a good day!! 🤗
Seems weirdly unintuitive that we can't already. Its also weird that swiping from the left while in your profile profile doesn't pull out the sidebar.
So say my main page is sorted TopSixHours, but I open a community and change the sort there to New. Would it be possible for Jerboa to continue to sort that community by New when I open it in the future?
I'm having trouble finding good intro resources for parents of trans kids, so if anyone has any handy please send them my way.
I also added a hotline section based on !ftm@lemmy.blahaj.zone. If anyone else can think of any UK or other international hotlines you think should be listed, please let me know. I also tried to list times when 2SLGBT services are specifically available.
I looked into each resource to try and come up with rough descriptions for each of them, if you think I misrepresented or miscommunicated what a particular resource is or does - let me know :)
I also decided to add a specific rule against all forms of debate or gatekeeping. This group is and should be a welcoming supportive environment for all transfeminine people.
I'm LadyAutumn and I'm the moderator of this community. I hope everyone has enjoyed their time on Lemmy thus far. This space is very much still developing, but its nice feeling like a transfem community is developing here.
I myself migrated to lemmy from reddit just last week, and created this community initially to mimic the subreddit r/mtf. I used that subreddit a lot, and loved having a place to talk with other people who understand what I'm going through. I knew if I'm going to use this platform long term, that on lemmy I would want a community for transfeminine people.
This space isn't on reddit though, and isn't controlled by or related to the moderation team of r/mtf. So things here won't be exactly the same. I want this to be a community for news, for advice, for trans joy, for discussions and questions, and whatever else we want to have here. I want this space to be community controlled and for everyone to have an influence on what this community is and how it is moderated. That will mean polls and community posts and whenever they come up I'd encourage everyone to participate in them. This is a space for us, and we all should have a say.
Also thank you @ada@lemmy.blahaj.zone for hosting the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance that is hosting this community. She's doing this without any profit motive and has been working hard to keep up with the huge influx of users around here lately. She's awesome and has already been an active part of this community.
I figured I'd make a post sharing my perspective on this community and what I think it should be. If you have any thoughts or suggestions please feel free to share them. :)
The American Civil Liberties Union of Indiana sought the temporary injunction in its legal challenge of the Republican-backed law, which was enacted this spring amid a national push by GOP-led legislatures to curb LGBTQ+ rights.
The results of the poll showed a clear preference for the title to be Transfem. The link to the community will still show !mtf but everywhere else it will show "Transfem".
The results were:
Transfem - 41/53
MtF - 12/53
The banner has been updated to reflect the new community name. :)
I always feel so much better when I wear clothes I like and don't feel way too warm in the heat. It's hard not to listen to the nagging voice in my head telling me that my shoulders look too big or that I'm drawing too much attention to myself. 🙃
Its hard to justify the cost mostly. It's also mildly amusing watching people stumble a bit if I have to show my ID for something. But getting called my deadname at the bank is starting to get tiresome 🙃
A community for transfeminine people and experiences. All posters are welcome but posts should be relevant to the community. This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban. - Please follo...
Inspired by the mtf subreddit and hosted on the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
General link - MtF
Instance relative link - MtF
At least one grifter is targeting trans people with ineffective and potentially dangerous supplements.
I recommend reading the linked article for more information. This grifter is attempting to capitalize on hormone bans and medical gatekeeping to sell fake hormone 'alternatives' to trans people.
Long story short the pills are fake, they do not contain estrogen nor do they metabolize into estrogen. They contain unrelated substances that at best don't work and at worst can have serious negative consequences for your health.
The marketing he's attempting to use is so ham-fisted most will probably be able to tell right away that its a scam, but what he's doing should be taken extremely seriously.
LadyAutumn @lemmy.blahaj.zone Trans woman - 9 years HRT
Intersectional feminist
Queer anarchist