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🍹Early to RISA 🧉 @sh.itjust.works

8mo ago

Anon fucks up

85 comments

Satan is actually the good one; God just talked a bunch of shit and lied about how cool he was and how bad Satan was to pick up ~~chicks~~ worshippers.
- Satan welcomes all people, from all walks of life, with open arms. God is a bigot who only accepts certain people, if they’re “good enough”. It’s also my understanding that God killed over 2-million people, while satan only killed 10.
  Tell me how God loves me unconditionally again?
  
  And also God apparently has so much power he could fix everything in this world with little effort. But no, he specifically creates it. God created all there is, including all the bad stuff. Murderers? Rapists? Slave owners? ...? Yep. But, "Do not question God's intentions. He works in mysterious ways."
  
  If God only accepts certain people, then why did He die for everybody?
- Story of Job is basically
  Satan: bet that guy wouldn't worship you anymore if you ruined his life
  God: Totally would, watch me kill his whole family
  They are both on team asshole
  
  You forgot the bit where it was actually satan who ruined his life 😒
- Satan has death metal and titties. What's not to like?
  
  Found Elon Musk’s alt account!
- God had a pretty impressive kill count
  Satan's was what? A dozen at most?
  
  I'm glad He's imaginary. I mean I have burnt incense. Didn't realise doing so carried a death penalty according to the Bible. I just thought it smelled nice
  
  Pretty sure divinity isn't a killstreak.
- Technically, Satan is a creation of God. Otherwise christianism would be polytheistic. So even if you consider Satan as the good guy, God is still responsible for both good and evil.
  
  Christianity is has almost always been so dangerously close to polytheism that it’s laughable it isn’t considered to be.
  It’s just bureaucracy at this point, I guess it’s not polytheism if you lower everyone to “middle manager god”
  
  In the story of the Tree of Knowledge, the serpent old the truth while god lied.
  Between the two of them, only God kills in the bible, and boy he does it a LOT
  
  Not even technically, just 100% that. God created the angels, Lucifer is an angel. In practice, many Christians practice a polytheistic religion in which Satan is the bad god.
- https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=z8j3HvmgpYc Satan's guide to the Bible.

Hol'upaminnitt. Lucy stops the panic attack and delivers the tasties, and they're still the baddie? Anon is one ungrateful gumby.
- Satan is cool and understanding. He was God's bitch once as well.
  
  God just claims you have free will. Satan is the one that actually fights for it
- Ever heard of a Faustian Bargain? If the bible was written today, Stan would be taking requests through Amazon

Sounds like God wasn't capable enough to stay competitive in today's spiritual market.
- God needs to pull himself up by his bootstraps. He can't expect to have everyone's souls handed to him.

Read your bibles people: GOD IS THE VILLAIN
- The biggest trick of the devil was to convince everyone he was actually god
  
  the plot twist is real

Christianity would have been so much cooler if the Gnostics won the cult war
- Yeah, it's unfortunate that death-cults preaching about the poison of reality are really bad at surviving through time.
  
  Idk, the Catholics figured it out

Hail satan

Highest resolution 4chan post I've ever seen

Hail Satan

Just rolling into the next panic attack, huh?

Hail Satan!

Lucy was the angel who stood up to their bloodthirsty megalomaniacal father and got kicked out for it. Why would I want to hang out with the judgmental prick instead of the guy who just wants everyone to eat drink and be merry?
- bloodthirsty megalomaniacal father
  Imagine Yahweh the war god is your Dad.

Anon tells on themselves about their true beliefs.

Good thing god is all forgiving I hear.
- God is the one that should be begging our forgiveness.
  
  Insert Stephen Fry interview here
- Jimmy Savile really hoped so

Hail Satin!

Hail Santana!!
- Oye cómo va
- Hail Saitan

Plot twist: the calm was inside of you all along.

Hail Santa!

The only reason Jaweh is seen as the good guy is because they are better at marketing

Anon is going to Hell.
- i hope we get a sinner version of heaven i dont think i deserve to be in the same place as murderers and rapists
  
  God is not good. God is in fact very bad, if we assume they exist.

I actually had an order number of 666 before. The lady was calling out order numbers and when she got to mine she just announce the contents, we shared a look and had a chuckle. It was a mildly amusing event

Ticket was actually upside down. Anon was all good, it was 999

85 comments