Since I see where this is going to go,
What is the quickest way you could get fired from your job and not end up as a registered sex offender, or with jail time for that matter?Insulting your boss may be the best solution, or you can just send a letter of resignation
God damn it I just had to delete a four paragraph answer
Refusing to work, just sitting on a chair doing nothing even when asked directly by your boss
At many companies that's not a quick way to be let go. The process would take some time.
At a government job it took an entire year to fire an executive assistant who did absolutely nothing.
Sometimes this actually becomes a quick way to get promoted for some people. I haven’t figured that trick out yet though.
Not wearing the minimum fifteen pieces of flair.
Try to bang your boss. Either you get fired, or you get to bang your boss. Win-win
Banging my boss would be the biggest L of my life
Shit on the floor.
Gotta get schwifty!
Scream "white power" while giving the Nazi salute every 20 minutes.
These days that could get you a promotion
Whip it out bro.
Talk about the projects I'm working on.
This, I work for a company that deals in very sensitive data. Grab my camera, snap a few picks and spend the rest of my days in Federal prison.
I'm self-employed, so probably dying.
At my old job, my hours were cut to zero after I finally made a single comment pointing out the hypocrisy of my boss's politics. After a year of dealing with him spouting Q-conspiracy every single day he was there, I kind of had enough.
I have admin on our SharePoint and Teams systems. Just saying.
Step into a machine not locked out.
The quickest way I actually did see someone get fired at my place was by posting racist shit on Facebook - on an account that was followed by many of his colleagues, including his manager. He was summarily dismissed at the start of his next shift.
Another one stole customers' credit card numbers, but that one ended up with a criminal record.
Shit on the floor.
Open every hydrant in town and leave. Or, open a bunch in different sections and close them as fast as possible causing a hammer effect and making the water mains break. Bonus if it's next to a water tower. I'd never do that though, part of my job is to find said break.
Violate HIPAA
Work for a fairly large ISP, I'm the main controller for cross connects for the entire west coast. Does the jumper that goes within a data center from ISP to customer. If I ordered disconnects on them some large players would go down.
