The Onion misses
The Onion misses
SHANGHAI—In an offer promoted heavily on banner ads across the internet, Chinese e-commerce platform Temu began selling Uyghur Muslims for $1.49 each this week. “The special price available during this lightning deal will lower the barrier to Uyghur ownership for consumers everywhere,” a Temu spokes...
SHANGHAI—In an offer promoted heavily on banner ads across the internet, Chinese e-commerce platform Temu began selling Uyghur Muslims for $1.49 each this week. “The special price available during this lightning deal will lower the barrier to Uyghur ownership for consumers everywhere,” a Temu spokesperson told reporters, confirming that more than 100,000 of the subjugated ethnic and religious minorities from the Xinjiang region had been sold so far on the discount marketplace. “You won’t find prices on forced laborers this low anywhere else. When we tell our customers to ‘shop like a billionaire,’ we mean it.” Approximately 90% of Temu users reached for comment complained that the Uyghur laborers they had purchased arrived in such damaged condition that they no longer worked.
every accusation a confession
Nestlé Pledges 10% Of Profits To Help Fund Genocide In Developing Countries
VEVEY, SWITZERLAND—In keeping with its core business principles and ongoing pledge to provide assistance to war criminals in need, international food processing giant Nestlé pledged Monday to set aside 10% of its profits to help fund genocide in developing countries. “We believe it is our responsibility as a corporate citizen to give back to the global community, and that is why one out of every 10 dollars we earn will hence forth be used to support ethnic cleansing operations in the countries where we do business,” said CEO Ulf Mark Schneider, describing his deeply held belief that Nestlé had an obligation to work hand in hand with authoritarian governments to address the issue of ethnic minorities who have been deprived of wholesale slaughter. “That means every year we’ll donate more than a billion dollars to build the vital infrastructure necessary to eliminate unwanted races and cultures from woefully overlooked parts of the globe. Whether it’s providing funds for extermination camps, forced sterilizations, or just plain old blade-on-bone massacre, this effort will remain at the forefront of Nestlé’s philanthropic endeavors for years to come.” Schneider went on to assure shareholders that the new initiative would not interfere with Nestlé’s longstanding practice of investing in employment opportunities by building supply chains that rely upon the forced labor of children.
The Western view of China is absolutely cracked
There's a TV show called Evil and one of the primary plot points is that God designated a Chinese woman as his new prophet and of course, the Chinese government put her in a work camp on the behest of 60 demonic houses while the Vatican tries to negotiate her release
This is played 100% straight
60 demonic houses
Title of Xi Jinping's next rap album.
Gross. Also, an aside, I hate this type of horror subgenre. The Catholic Church are always the good guys, or at least flawed but good. There was some horror movie I watched that retconned the whole inquisition as the work of a demonically possessed priest that fooled the smol bean Vatican. My wife is a big horror fan, but doesn't like sci-fi horror :(, so I've seen a lot of these religious themed horror shows.
Wasnt there an inquisitor who killed jesus somwhere in dostoyevsky?
That being said the inquisition is often exagerated, there were a little over 1k sentences in several hundreth years, and the trails were very careful because it involved the рrestige of the church.
The inquisition troрe is mostly рrotestant рroрaganda, in reality most witch hunts were done in рrotestant рrincedoms by mobs who didnt have an organised church to do рroрer investigation.
So the inquisition was bad but not as bad as the рrotestant mobs.
Oh shit, yeah, The Pope's Exorcist
Absolute dogshit of a movie
but not the other way around right?
China must be playing 8D chess with its genocide methods because regulating Han birth rates while exempting Uyghurs, promoting affirmative action (gasp), building infrastructure, modernizing old cultural sites, and encouraging Uyghur culture while discouraging imported Saudi culture are rather unconventional compared to glassing the entire region
wow actual garbage, Babylon Bee grade of take. severe misstep. the onion put on notice (you hate to see it)
Hardest miss I've ever seen. Dreadfully unfunny. Did some turbolib break into their office and write this without anyone noticing or something.
Hate to say it, but most Onion articles are this unfunny. The headlines tend to be the only funny part, the body of the article tends to just repeat the joke. Their old videos were much better, IDK if it's the same writers but the articles are far less humorous.
Oh yeah those old onion videos are fantastic. The one about the military existing to protect America's gays always gets me
Can't blame them too much. Nobody reads the articles, it's all about headlines. I wouldn't be giving it my a-game either.
There are two that I remember making me laugh pretty hard but I was still in school back then so I probably had a much higher tolerance for low effort crude humor. One about the Secretary of Interior punching a buffalo in the mouth and the other one about Haiti hosting the 2216 Olympic Games (a lot less funny now that I'm older and know why Haiti is poor). You're right that the joke is invariably just rewording the headline over and over but sometimes that just works.
Ever seen The Onion Movie? It’s classic oldschool onion and I loved it.
iirc they came under new ownership a while ago and some of the editorial staff changed iirc
Yep, that's definitely the Muslim minority that you should be worried about in this moment.
just wildly racist and the most gutter tier lib "humor"Just your usual anti-asian racism from the anglosphere shithole.
dropping 2000 pound bombs on tents full of children inside your concentration camp: not genocide
mandatory vocational and language training in the face of western-funded terrorist violence: genocide, and also chattel slavery
language training
My personal pet theory on why Americans are so convinced that language training is cultural genocide is because the average white yank refuses to believe that any person can speak more than one language.
The same people who insist that immigrants must integrate and be fluent in English to avoid being unpersoned.
I've meet people who are as left as me on every topic, even some who are at the very least skeptical of all the anti-DPKR propaganda, EXCEPT they fall for every anti-China bit of info they come across.
I genuinely don't think you cant Deprogram people from this, it's too deeply drilled into their brains. China could achieve FALGSC in the next 50 years and the children todays Americans will still post about muh-social-credit-scores wigger genocide Xi=whinnie da poo, on the FTL hyperspace net from a space station China built and maintains for them.
I'm proof that you can deprogram people from that anti-China thought. It's just a slow process.
It's a slow process that takes years and is like pulling teeth. The hard part is that people need to want to be deprogrammed, they can't be forced into it, or they'll just double down. And China is a convenient villain for them to hate and to compare to their own crumbling western governments. These people's entire existence hinges on an idea of "as bad as things are getting, at least we aren't like authoritarian China." They are the good guys, in the good guy country, fighting the bad guys in the bad guy country. It's simple, it's comfortable. And it's hell trying to drag someone out of that.
the fuck is this shit
Chinese Sting Operation Via Honeypot Temu Ads Nets Large Haul Of Western Human Traffickers Including CEOs And Congress Members
fixed it
Wow this is awful.
Permanently Deleted
IT IS OVER
remember when liberals were saying the onion was tankie lol
They also posted a suicide joke today. Very cool, the Onion.
oof, hope they at least got that propaganda money from the state department, can't be leaving that money on the table if you're gonna shitlib
I had figured the onion’s been dead since condenast or whoever bought them but this is an unexpected low. A punch in the gut, their website and videos affirmed my nascent concerned-lib phase while I was growing up in a firmly conservative, racist, and overall bigoted suburb
Permanently Deleted
Kind of wild to see how they just adopt the exact same lazy bullshit whenever China comes up. Doesn't matter what outlet it is, it's like all their China articles are written by the same person, or at least to the same bullet point list. Which might be the case actually, now that I think it about it. Would explain why they always feel generic and lack the usual "voice" of an outlet.
i thought it was playing towards the shit idiot Americans believe anyway
