Help me figure something out
Help me figure something out
picture only semi-related.
I just got in an argument with my boyfriend. I said I don't feel joy very often. He said that means I'm depressed. I was like, no, I feel content pretty often, it's just joy that's rare.
Like, I'll feel joy at a good concert or on top of a mountain or on psychedelics or another department joins the union at work, but it's like a sometimes thing. I don't just like go around life feeling joy at work or at home or whatever.
Like, i'll feel happy or content when I'm with friends or when I drink the perfect amount of coffee, or playing guitar, but joy is special.
Is this a temperament thing? am I depressed? Do we mean different things by joy? What's going on here?
You aren't supposed to feel joy all the time. Joy is, pretty much by definition, a non-baseline emotion. Depression is a different thing. You can take a depression inventory test if you think you might be depressed, or just want to have some language to discuss with your boyfriend. "Not feeling joy constantly" isn't a symptom of depression, it's a symptom of existence.
I used to be depressed, and now I'm not. I think I first began to feel really bad when I was a sophomore in college. Like I didn't understand mental health very well, but I have memories of knowing something was wrong and trying to figure out why. Kind of haunting actually.
Many, many years later, when I finally got things fixed, what I really noticed was that I enjoyed doing things again. I could get really sucked into something in a way I couldn't when I was depressed. I've used that to make my life a whole lot better over the last couple of years.
But, I don't think I actually feel joy very often. Like you, there are lots of big and little things that make me feel content, but joy is a bit more rare. That doesn't mean my life is bad, being content and engaged most of the time is wonderful. So based purely on my one experience, I don't think you're depressed.
I do kind of wonder if you're argument with your boyfriend is about your expression of feelings more than the feelings themselves. Maybe he just wants you to show when you're happy, even if it's only average happy.
Maybe he just wants you to show when you're happy, even if it's only average happy.
I think this is it.
Joy is definitely special and a sometimes (rare even) thing. That said, there are other things besides depression that affect the brains reward mechanisms, specifically in ADHD if you have that.