magic beneath the forests

Unless it's been surpassed, the world's largest living organism is a 9 square kilometer fungus that's been growing for about 10,000 years.
- Just got surpassed by yo momma actually.
  (Sorry I couldn't resist, please no ban)
  
  No worries friend, it's why she was a perfect match for my dad who is a fun guy (fungi).
  
  Gottem
- Wow, here I was thinking Pando was the biggest. This fungus is a good bit bigger
  
  Pando is the heaviest iirc
- I love how many times they repeated humongous fungus in the article.
- it's geoblocked to god knows what country
  
  Accessible from Canada at least.

Now eat your fungi penis up it’s good for you.
- But sir, why are the trees dancing?
  
  They're telling you that life and the universe and everything is dancing the same dance
- Don't threaten me with a good time.
  
  I absolutely would if I had any right now.

- Puts the pan on stove. Ignites the flame and adds some olive oil. Everything is in order to sear the heretics.
  
  Mushrooms are near impossible to burn. All you're doing is giving them a flavorful sauna.

Mushrooms are so fucking cool, and they taste great too.
- And they make you feel amazing too
  
  Or dead. Choose wisely.

I discovered The CryptoNaturalist over at the other place, and ending up buying 'Field Guide to the Haunted Forest' and 'Love Notes from the Hollow Tree' by Jarod K. Anderson....
Which is unusual for me as I detest poetry. I think it's a pile of long-winded, navel gazing wank...Except for haiku, (because they're short and sweet, and condense things down to their essence, which I like).
I like The CryptoNaturalist though, probably because they write about nature in a weird, beautiful and wonderous way. I want to use the word 'magical' to describe it, but am reluctant, for reasons
Also, thanks to this post I just found out there's a couple of other books available which I'm going to buy tonight 😀
- I think it’s a pile of long-winded, navel gazing wank
  Tell me you're British, without telling me you're British . . .
  
  Guilty as charged
  
  We are all British on the internet. Just like our use of mate and cunt makes us Strayan ya dig bruv?
- What is your favorite haiku that comes to mind?
  
  I rather like this one...
  wearily she waves
  the white flag of surrender
  cobwebbed butterfly
  —Tracy Davidson from here
  Pawprints fade, empty
  Silence fills the empty space
  Love lives on, always
  From here
  I sometimes feel that the classic haiku are let down by some translations, and the fact there are Japanese words that don't translate across very well or at all.
  I have a soft spot for this one
  The old pond,
  A frog jumps in:
  Plop!
  Translated by Alan Watts from here
  It's interesting to see how each translation differs, and tries to put into English something that is probably untranslatable....also...
  pond
  frog
  plop!
  Translated by James Kirkup
  'The sound of water' 'kerplunk' 'splashing the water' 'leap, splash' 'water note' ....just don't capture it for me
  Do you know any that are decent?

Fungi confuse me. I can't figure out what they are. I think the fact that I thought they were plants my whole life and then it turns out they aren't just broke me lol.
- afaik a decent summary is that they're sorta like animal cells that specced into a plant lifestyle, but since animals are good at digesting stuff and can't photosynthesize, they went for eating dead things that no one else eats.
- Coral also isn't plants
- My Biology teacher put it pretty neatly: "Fungi are Fungi."

I was speaking to a guy that looks after an ancient forest and he was explaining the fungi that allow the trees to communicate and it was fascinating but I thought he might be pulling my leg, so I came home and read everything, it's fascinating.
- a guy that looks after an ancient forest
  
  I'm guessing a park ranger

Some of them will also make you high, but some will kill you.
- Some will make you high, then kill you.
  
  Some taste great on pizza, gets you high and then kills you as a bonus.
- and some will taste great on pizza!
  
  The American mind cannot comprehend that.

Only kinda related but if anyone wants a good fantasy book with this kind of energy and theme, Gods of the Wyrdwood by RJ Barker is the way to go
- cryptonaturalist has a few books too iirc. great little account, they are on masto too.
- Could be fun, I'll take a gander, thanks!

People should look up Paul Stamets. Dude is doing amazing things in the field of mycology and showing the power of mushrooms!
- TIL the Star Trek Discovery character has a real life namesake.
- Someone should help him with the page. At least to do a proper one (I've just looked the code).
- Thought this was a Star Trek Discovery joke
  
  No, this guy’s who they named the character in Discovery after. Legit.
  
  Oh my gosh I'm so dumb I never even put that together. That's so cool. He does have interesting theories but he's also saving old growth forests well trying and he's doing breakthrough research in the medical attributes of mushrooms.

So we're eating leviathon reproductive organs? Sexy

So basically... I just ate a bag of fungi dicks?
- Were you hoping for fun guy dicks?
- P. cubensis kinda looks like little circumcised penises anyway. At least before they open up.
  
  Have they got little foreskins in normal countries?
- yea

This post reminded me of the cracking (though widely misunderstood and reviled) folk horror film "In the Earth". There's a lot going on down there in the mud and mycelium.

The biggest organism in the world is a fungus which goes miles long. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/strange-but-true-largest-organism-is-fungus/

The way so many of them look like genitals makes this so much better
- They don’t just look like genitals, they are genitals.
  
  No I mean they aren't just genitals, but look like them too!

Yeah, I saw that X-files episode too.

It’s true I’ve spoken to them many times.

Bruh

Ok, that's sweet, but don't google 'zombie funghi'. Really, just don't. Like, ever.
- Look up cordyceps instead!

in the air, too; we live in an ocean of spores.

This reminds me that I'm writing a story about a witch and one of the first things that happens is that she pisses off the mushrooms and they tell the trees not to talk to her. I should get back to that.

That is what people sound like that have taken too many shrooms. Comes a bit too close to newage bullshit. "Life is the universe evolving to experience itself through you" and bullshit like that.
Anti Commercial-AI license
- You sound like a sour lemon. I'd rather hang out with a hippie that thinks the universe is conscious than someone who slaps a paper tiger license to their low originality threshold posts. Just sayin.
  
  Sour lemons are tasty, dunno what your problem is 🤷 I wouldn't want to hang out with some rando called "balloon" from the internet either. Just sayin.
  Anti Commercial-AI license
- I believe you haven't taken enough shrooms
  
  Probably 😅
- But it's cool.
  Just don't go thinking it means anything other than nature is awesome.
  
  I just think there are better ways to say nature is awesome without adding mystics, new age stuff, or fantastical expressions to it. Then it starts turning into non-science.
  Anti Commercial-AI license
- Are you giving out a license for all your posts? Are you following up on the usage or is it more of a symbolic act?
  
  I'll probably determine if it's symbolic when it turns up in some commercial AI.
  Anti Commercial-AI license