PETE BUTTIGIEG! A BRIDGE HAS COLLAPSED IN LEGO CITY! QUICKLY BUILD THE RESCUE HELICOPTER AND SAVE THEM! WAIT WHY ARE YOU NOT GOING TO LEGO CITY? SHIT HES RUNNING AWAY LIKE THAT TRAIN DERAILMENT!

never go on a bridge

Just blame it on Hamas

I got this job in exchange for dropping out of the Primary, not to actually do any work

lol, I was looking for a good generic sounding Pete quote to satirize, but I don't think I can top:

Greatness will come by looking forward-untethered from the politics of the past and anchored by our shared values-and by changing our nations future

for the situation