Help?
Help?
Heyuh, any hot tips on how I can get the hell out of this abuse house? BioParents have decided that one "no" is far too many and they've decided to try to break into my room. They're yelling a bunch of bullshit and telling me to get out but also they're trying to work out how to break into my room?!
I'm in rural northeastern Oklahoma; I've got a bit of money (assuming they don't rob me of that somehow) but no real means of supporting myself because I'm autistic and agoraphobic in the middle of nowhere, relying on them for everything. I've finally got just a little bit of help (some medications at least, nothing fancy) and it's just too little too late I guess.
tl;dr: BioParents threatening, bullying me. Need some kind of lasting escape, need help creating my own life if such thing is possible. Need to never be here again.
Edit: Sorry, I'm a bit scattered. Sorry if this is the wrong place for this. Couldn't find anywhere that is. Also I may lose "their" Internet connection because cutting me off from help is totally not abusing me but actually a reasonable way for them to "take back their property" (they want all of my keys as part of throwing me out, I've never been able to deal with confrontation and they know it... blah blah BS). May be able to use my phone... ugh.
Edit 2: They called the cops on me.
Edit 3: The guy with the Punisher tat explained that no one had done anything wrong but they can't throw me out without going through the eviction process. BioMom has been through that process before (she used to run an apartment complex!) so she damn well knew she couldn't do that, and that the cops wouldn't help her unless they were just hardcore transphobes who'd just as soon shoot me. No shock to me, the only logical reason she called them was to bully me harder or just get me killed.
Edit 4: Night now, managed a kitchen+toilet trip. Didn't get thrown directly into jail nor "institutionalized" for daring to disobey my dear sweet loving and supportive (sarcasm) mother and her imaginary right to invade every detail of my life. Still don't know where to go. I'm too old for many things, too young for others. Kinda afraid (ashamed?) to even try to contact any kind of shelter because like... they've got a handful of rooms and I'm gonna ask for one because I'm a thirty-something loser who's broken and getting thrown out? They made me broken and they're throwing me out for trying to keep one single detail of my life from her but... damn, is that really fair to ask, when others have been through so much worse? Besides, probably nowhere has any space available, so I'll just be stressing over a phone call or whatever and get nothing from it but more stress. FML, wish I'd been born to an actually decent family or not at all. (Edit 4b: No-go on the whole family/friends thing.)
Edit 5: Still alive! Feels like none of this is even real, like I must've just dreamed it all. I think it's this room messing with my head, like nothing can ever change. Am just yapping I guess 𤡠(Edit 5b: Oh, edits count as bumps. Sorry >.<; )
Edit 6: Now BioMom's lashing out at BioDad too. Apparently she's going to take us to hell with her when/after(?) she dies. What the actual fuck. Anyway, in case he comes and kills me I'd like to mention that the new name I've been flirting with is Keris. Nocritter asked and I'm in no state to be soul-searching right now but I kinda want to say it, I guess. Might as well try to be as me as I can when I don't know if there's gonna be a me in ten minutes. On the plus side, if she decides to still go to her thing on Monday I'll have a window for escape. Just have to figure out how, and where to go.
Edit 6b: Okay, not dead yet. No idea what's going on out there; haven't heard anything in a while. Realized I may sound a little insane being afraid of BioDad when BioMom is the one screaming about taking people to Hell with her. She's very movement impaired and can't get to my end of the house on her own. Sad, yes. Complicated. He, on the other paw, is as cruel as she lets him get by with. He's always been physically intimidating (though not yet "violent"), verbally abusive, always looking to do as much damage as he can without her scolding him for it. So if she's not a factor... he's a threat.
Edit/Update 7: They taped a seven-day eviction notice to my door. Looks like state law requires thirty but Idunno if I can last that long anyway, given I'm afraid to even cross the lil hallway to get to the toilet. I'm very not okay, I need somewhere safe to go, at least long enough to calm down and figure out what the hell to do but there's just nothing for it. Might be able to afford a hotel for a couple weeks if I don't eat. I'm not eating anyway so maybe that's not so bad. No friends, no family, no space in shelters (and I don't meet anyone's criteria anyway), no place to go if I do manage to leave, no idea where else to even try or ask. Hell, I'm almost out of bottled water too. If any brave adventurers wanna swoop in and rescue me, now's the time :-\
I did some research.
You mentioned that you live in northeastern Oklahoma, so I'm assuming you're in a somewhat reasonable distance from Tulsa. It is possible that you could get an Uber to go from Tulsa to where you are rurally (for a pretty penny, of course). If I were you, I'd play around with the app and see if you can get anything. If not, try another service such as Lyft or a local taxi service based out of Tulsa. Here's a list of some: https://m.yelp.com/search?cflt=taxis&find_loc=Tulsa%2C+OK You can try calling the local ones and explain that you need a ride to Tulsa from where you are and that you are happy to pay or whatever.
Once you get to Tulsa, there is a Greyhound bus station there. The address is 317 S Detroit Ave, Tulsa, OK 74120. You can get pretty much anywhere you need to go once you get to the station. Make sure to buy your ticket in advance. They have routes to pretty much every major US city. You will need to dress conservatively so as to not be visibly trans. I know that it's painful but when travelling on things like Greyhound it's safety first. From what I've heard, Greyhound can be pretty janky and have some weird people, but it will get you to where you need to go since you don't have a car. Just keep a watchful eye on all of your belongings and surroundings.
Make sure other people know about your whereabouts as you travel in case anything were to happen. It can be an online friend, this community, or anything else. Have a plan with them about what to do if anything goes wrong. It is always best to be prepared, even though the chance of anything nefarious happening is very low.
When you get to the state that you're going to, look into the government programs. Blue states are a lot more generous with them than most red. You can qualify for disability because you have autism, so look into that. You might also be able to get things like unemployment, food stamps, and other government assistance while you're trying to figure things out.
Also, please try to eat. It's very important to keep your strength up in situations like these and not eating will make you weaker and your brain foggier. Even if you're not hungry, just try to get something down.
I hope this helps. I'm really really praying that you get out of the situation you're in safely and get to a better place. I promise you, you can have a much better life than the one you've been living. There are places where you can be yourself freely. There are people who will accept you for who you are. It's not going to be easy, but I can promise you that it's going to be worth it.
Thanks <3 Eep, though. 14-25hr bus trip scary. Dunno if I can even pass as cis male now. Chest-bumps already, no boy-clothes but some old suits (great way to 'lose track of some belongings,' I'd think). May just go anyway... secretly hoped to fly but a cheap bus ticket to Minneapolis (just picked a place, still dunno where to go) is $100 (which is kinda suspicious since others are like $180, $250, $350??) while air fare is $400 :-\ Boo. Shaking like a leaf just looking. Ugh.
You will definitely save money with a bus ticket, but air travel is less stressful and shorter. It's up to you as to which you wanna choose. You'll get to the same place regardless.
Maybe try wearing some loose clothing to hide the chest bumps? A full suit would make you stand out too much. It's just when you're traveling in a region like Oklahoma. You won't have to do that in minneapoils.
Have you figured out where you're gonna stay when you arrive? After you determine your travel arrangements, you'll need to reserve something like a hotel or airbnb for when you arrive. Also, PACK SNACKS. You're gonna get hungry while you're traveling and there are not always places to get food. Make triple sure you bring water, too.
Things are gonna be okay. You're making a huge leap right now and that's something to be proud of. It takes a lot of courage to be doing this. Remember to breathe in and out.
There are budget airlines where you can get flights a lot cheaper than the usual ones. Spirit and Frontier are two that I can think of at the top of my head. Some days are cheaper to fly than others, too. Google flights is a good resource. The thing about budget airlines is that you have to pack light or else they will charge you extra. Usually they will only allow a personal item (purse, backpack, has to meet size requirements). Middle of the road airlines such as Delta or American usually allow a personal item and carry-on for free. You'll need to purchase a checked bag ahead of time if you have more than that, because it is more expensive to buy at the gate. Also, make sure to arrive in plenty of time for your flight. It's better to be too early than too late. Generally arriving two hours before your flight is a safe amount of time for domestic.
Flying may be a little better atm, I hear there's snowstorms all over right now, and you do NOT want to be stranded in a bus in a snowstorm. Plane, nobody is gonna give you shit for sleeping in an airport waiting for a plane, or waiting for a taxi at the other end.
All depends on how soon you're hitting the road.
Don't forget to budget for a little bit of winter gear if you're going minnesota!! Winter is a much longer season in the north (I've seen snow in June in southern Ohio a couple times). Layer clothes, not a single large coat. Clothes that wick away sweat so you aren't just getting soggy and freezing.
Unless shit truly hits the fan for snowfall in Oklahoma, you may not find clothing suitable for lake-effect winter locally, and if shit does, it'll be marked up to hell in price.
Hey Keris!
Sounds like things are real rough right now.
I highly recommend that you make another post about your current situation. It's very possible that there are people on here and elsewhere who are willing to help you out irl who live in the states that you're looking at moving to (I know I would if I did, but unfortunately I live in a deep red state too). That would help with building a support network. Also, you are more than welcome to make a GoFundMe or something similar and post it on here to raise funds to help you escape and get back on your feet. We are all rooting for you and want to help!
Hang in there. Take things one step at a time and soon you'll be free. There is a way out of all of this. You're at rock bottom right now, and that means that there's no place you can go but up. You can do this.
You mean I should post in this comm asking for guides/mentors/roommates/something? Was afraid I was already begging too much đ (except instead of a heehee-smile imagine like, a really meek "please don't hate me" kinda thing)
I'm kinda ashamed to admit it but I think my (joint-ownership, ugh D: trying to transfer most of it into PayPal) bank account has enough to get me out. Maybe not even only me. I just don't know what living costs. I've never had to, so suddenly getting dumped into the deep end leaves me like, "Is even this much enough to escape? Seems like it should be plenty but everything costs so much and there are shitloads of sneaky costs like food and travel expenses and hotels stealing deposits..." That is, I'm not in a position of being flat broke (unless they rob me, then I guess I'm fucked) but rather a position of being afraid and alone and overwhelmed and lost and confused. Broken yes, but I could buy a couple plane tickets. Kinda feels like I'd rather be poor with a good critter in a bad place than figure this crap out alone. Maybe I can rescue somecritter else, even? What does that even cost? More things that feel too vague to actually work with :-\
Actually managed to get some positive attention over on another comm, which... kinda expected more negativity in general. It's almost as if this threadi/fedi/Lemmy thingy is generally less hateful than I'd expected <.< So that's nice, I suppose. May get some more negativity after explaining more. Feels like I'm just being an ass but... my mental/emotional state's all over the place and sometimes I feel like I can't say anything, others I feel like I have to. I'd say the biggest mess is in my head but I just got told the local domestic violence shelters are full so for sure this state at least is a bigger one. Just one of those places has over ninety rooms and they're all taken by people who've had it worse than I have. Great way to feel like even more of an ass asking for help but also angry at this awful world for doing that to people. I'm just ranting I guess. Maybe talking helps, or at least keeps me thinking and not curled up wishing I could just turn myself off.
Yes, please post for anything you need on here! You are in a really vulnerable situation and there are so many people on here who really want to help and feel for you and the situation you're in. You're not asking too much for anything.
I'm glad that the money you have is enough to get you out. That'd be your biggest problem if you didn't have it, but would still be solvable with crowdfunding help from the community.
I can't help you out much with cost of living, because I also still live with my parent. You can definitely ask around about it on here, though. I'm sure you'll get some helpful insight from others. If you're not on the blahaj matrix channel yet, it'd be a good idea to join. It's kinda like a discord server and you can get more instantaneous answers and help from members of our instance/community if you need them.
It's completely understandable that your mental health isn't good right now, and any reasonable person would agree. Just take care of yourself the best you can. đ
Definitely a good call to take the money out of that bank and put it with a different one! It was all too common a story on RaisedByNarcissists sadly, parent(s) play the nice act for a little bit, bank teller sympathises and is a little too helpful, and then you're broke.
I've heard more than a handful of horror stories about PayPal just shutting down accounts with too many transactions, sadly, so I'd recommend finding a credit union or bank to deposit in ASAP as well
That important bit aside, super glad you may be a little better off financially than you initially thought!
Lemmy definitely feels better moderated than The Other Place, communities being able to block/defederate other communities of trolls is a plus. Smaller communities at first isn't a bad thing, feels more personal like ye olde forum boards.
This ^
More eyes on an increasingly urgent situation. You never know who's lurking that is willing to chip in some cash to help too.
And same on the red state thing, the "south of the north", the state that a 12 year old had to leave for an abortion (and i believe was sued for it afterwards), home of a river so filthy it caught fire and led to the creation of the EPA (By Nixon of all people)... ohio. Lowercase.
broken kazoo noises
Greetings, Keris!
See if you can record some of the audio? That might be in the "threats of violence" category, idk if it will matter but it might fast track you to a shelter and getting out.
I think several of us check up on this post to make sure you're okay, so please keep up the updates! They aren't being ignored, you're not screaming into the wind!
Thanks for trying, I guess. And for saying my name.
Kinda hard to not feel totally alone, or do anything but curl up and cry. I'm just supposed to have my shit together by now and I don't, so fuck my life 𤡠Managed to call the only place that seemed at all likely but all I got was another phone number. Hardest thing for me to use, given my apparent phobia of phones and doors. What a joke that I ever hoped to have any kind of life.
To be fair, judging by the current state of politics, age has nothing to do with having your shit together đ
Totally understand the phones thing, I have said/agreed to a lot of dumb shit just to end a phone call as soon as possible.
A bus to a different state is likely a good option, may cost you a day of hotel time but greatly improve things after. I doubt that Oklahoma is able or willing to provide aid. While Illinois is listed as a trans-safe state on that map from ErinInTheMorning, I've heard it's pretty much just Chicago, the rest of the state being kinda crappy: Colorado looks like a closer option to oklahoma but I have no idea on how travel is to get there given the whole "mountains" thing.
It's easy to underestimate how much it helps to put some distance between yourself and people who harm you (physically and mentally). The comfort of not having to think about them just showing up to abuse you more because you're still nearby.
Might be worth another post to get more eyes on it and (hopefully) somebody near-ish to help get you outta there!! The other place (red-dit) isn't a bad idea as well as they still have a larger "population" than Lemmy
There are already super supportive people around here so I'm just gonna throw my bit in here, too.
If your BioParents aren't too tech savy it's actually pretty easy to bypass wifi restrictions whithout them noticing, if they restrict your IP adresses, you can just change your IP manually and bypass that. If they change the password, you can figure that out too. It's not much but as long as you can get physical acces to your router, you can ALWAYS find a way to get internet, physical access is root access, and there are lovely people in the internet that can show you how in your specific case.
Most definitvely not speaking from personal experience /s And if you need help with that, just contact me, I'll gladly help you, with everything actually
Thanks, but they're not nearly techy enough to do anything but pull the cables out of the ISP-provided (and locked, which I've never stopped being angry about) router, which is out there with them.
vents quietly about how evil somebody's got to be to think "Oh, you said 'no' to me so I'm going to take everything, cut you off from everyone, and throw you out to die miles from the nearest town. Because I'm so concerned about your health!"
Oof, ISP-controlled stuff sucks. I hear it's also usually the cheapest crap they can buy too.
You on desktop, laptop, mobile, etc? A library should be a safe point to access the internet in a pinch if you don't have a device available or otherwise need to charge devices, and likely has wifi, no idea if that's available to you though in rural Oklahoma (I've driven through, completely understand the nothingness and red dirt.)
You are ABSOLUTELY worthy of shelter, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Shelters exist for a reason.