Lemmy.ml, to my understanding, was always meant to be a pilot instance from the devs of lemmy. Beehaw is kind of its own forum. There is also sh.itjust.works, but that has been caught up in some federation drama, and I don't think people like the name. Lemmy.world has been the right server at the right time to absorb everyone and I guess they have been able to keep up with sign-ups. Kudos to them.
Not really. We had a thedonald community for like 5 hours before it was banned, and a tiny number of people started shouting about how terrible we are because we don't read the minds of people joining.
Also, we're trying to run this instance democratically, and the first vote is a pretty easy no-brainer: defederate a hate speech instance. Not really "drama" as much as everyone has an opinion.
You can check out the discussion on the agora, the vast majority of the discussion is very respectful.