At the risk of exposing my age, the only thing that I can think of when I read this was the scene from Diary of a Wimpy Kid where Rowley dances with his mom at homecoming
Turns out they don't want to put a nuke in orbit and that's also just made up. They just want to use a nuclear powered satellite, which is pretty bog-standard.
I guess "Very normal satellites are normal" isn't such an exciting title. Or.. really news at all.
1000 years into the future, a ragtag band of rogue believers in Marxism-Leninism from the space colony LX052, 2.2 light years away from Earth, decided they wanted to save Earth from destruction and reset history.
They commandeered a spacecraft with time traveling capability and set its course to 20th century Earth. They had learned about an ancient socialist civilization known as the Soviet Union, and their mission: to provide the ancient civilization with intergalactic weapons capable of defeating its imperialist rivals, to save Earth from total destruction.
However, minute error in calculations caused them to miss the intended time jump by 50 Earth years. Not knowing that the Soviet Union had already dissolved and it is modern day capitalist Russia in its stead, they attempted to contact its leader Vladimir Putin to facilitate a technology transfer on a scale never seen before in history, believing that Putin would use it for good.
Meanwhile, increasing amount of unidentified anomalous phenomenon (UAPs) are being reported and tracked by US military. Years of intelligence gathering by the US intelligence agencies finally uncovered the plan behind these space activities. Can they stop Putin from obtaining from future space socialists intergalactic arsenals capable of ending the world as we know it?
Gotta justify that new branch of the MIC somehow. How about a few DEATH STAR BATTLE MOONS? Ought to excuse another at least $400 billion a year for the next forever.
Don't worry guys, Russia constructed the satellite out of washing machine chips, so it's low quality and will break apart before it fires.
Don't worry guys, Russia's nukes don't work, so the satellite is only armed with a giant shovel.
Don't worry guys, Russia ran out of rockets (and missiles) so Putin had to personally carry the satellite up into space using a comically long ladder, and that took him approximately 2 years, so they aren't gonna put up a second one there anytime soon.
We’re at the stage of the Cold War where the US military is either falling for Russian propaganda or just making up stuff and directing funds to wunderwaffe like mind control drugs, ESP, telekinesis, witchcraft, and demon possessions
Also uncritical support to Russia for aiding the EFF in their glorious jihad to liberate both Magellanic Clouds and Triangulum Galaxy from the genocidal kkkracker empire
"guys, you fucked up again. I already told you like ten times that tinfoil hat conspiracy theory level propaganda were to be used only against the DPRK!"
You fools! Don't you understand? Ukraine is expecting an offensive from the land, Russia is gonna station their mothership directly above Kyiv and they won't even see it coming!