Man, I get no good feelings even if I did great. Productivity and achieving goes gives me zero positive reinforcement and it absolutely sucks. Even graduating college, I was just glad that I didn't have to go back. No sense of accomplishment whatsoever.
That's because you're not doing it for yourself, you're doing it for others.
Do things for yourself, with no expectations from anyone else, and then compare the feelings.
Can just say: nope. No difference for me.
I did it for myself and felt the same way, just relieved. I'd even like to go back for myself but that's not enough motivation to produce the energy with which to start, let alone have a prayer of finishing.
but the things i want to do for myself aren't economically viable.
and, no, 'i work because i want to eat' (or to X, or other CBT mind tricks) don't work either — coercion doesn't work on me, even when i want it to.
That's the hard part, the expectations come from me.
I feel like this in everything I do. I'm trying the trick of "force yourself to cheer when you do something, when if small", but it just feels like I'm lying to myself.
How do you get out of this hole?
In my personal experience I've found that drugs and alcohol work best. You can't make the negative thoughts go away, so numbing them instead is the next best thing.
Man, I get no good feelings even if I did great. Productivity and achieving goes gives me zero positive reinforcement and it absolutely sucks. Even graduating college, I was just glad that I didn't have to go back. No sense of accomplishment whatsoever.
That's because you're not doing it for yourself, you're doing it for others.
Do things for yourself, with no expectations from anyone else, and then compare the feelings.
Can just say: nope. No difference for me.
I did it for myself and felt the same way, just relieved. I'd even like to go back for myself but that's not enough motivation to produce the energy with which to start, let alone have a prayer of finishing.
but the things i want to do for myself aren't economically viable.
and, no, 'i work because i want to eat' (or to X, or other CBT mind tricks) don't work either — coercion doesn't work on me, even when i want it to.
That's the hard part, the expectations come from me.