Post pics of unwashed shelf-stable eggs (this scares the americans)

As an American, I cannot legally touch any egg that hasn't been ultra-pasteurized followed by continuous cold chain refrigeration and served in either a Styrofoam or pulped paper cardboard egg carton.
- I think you have been misinformed. As an American, I can harvest eggs just like the pictured ones from my own backyard on a regular basis.
  They don't even cost any money, they come out of chicken asses for free.
  
  You must have weird chickens. My lay eggs out if their cloaca.
  
  What a noob. Ours come from shops. That way, our entire fuckin garden doesn't smell like a crashed ammonia tanker
  
  This instantly reminded me of an old Mitchell and Webb sketch lol
  
  Let’s not pretend the acquisition and upkeep of chickens is free… if you eat a lot of eggs it is absolutely worth it, but there is some cost in setting up a coop, getting chickens, keeping chickens fed and safe from predators, disease, etc.
  Plus you have to have property to keep them on and be allowed to have them on your property. For most Americans that isn’t possible due to lack of home ownership or HOA restrictions on what animals you can have on “your” property. (HOAs are bullshit)
- This is pulped paper cardboard, is it not?
  
  Your pulped paper cardboard.
- “Y’all’s eggs AREN'T chlorine washed? Ewww unsanitary”

Here's a pic of some washed eggs in a refrigerator to scare the Europeans.
Bonus:
Microwaved water for tea.
- What kind of monster stores bananas in the fridge?
  
  Bananas in the US get washed and lose their protective coating so it's fairly normal to see them in the fridge in US homes.
  
  And tomatoes!!! Might as well eat ice cubes at that point
  
  Yeah, and I feel like someone's gonna slam that door one day and get egg all over their bananas.
  
  Once they've reached your desired ripeness you can slow down them getting overripe in the fridge.
  
  IKR? They go in the freezer so they can be dipped in chocolate. 😋
- Bruh I'm not even European but that measuring cup got me shook.
- Those eggs look almost artificial. Bleugh.
  
  They might be, food photography is weird
- Yo why are you keeping bananas in the fridge?
  
  I'm pretty sure that's a stock image so I don't think that's a pic of anyone's legit fridge.
  But to answer your question, you can keep bananas on the counter until they reach your preferred level of ripeness and then put them in the fridge to slow down the ripening process so you have a few more days to eat them before they turn to complete mush. I do it all time to ensure I always have bananas around at my preferred level of ripeness.
- As an American I don't condone this practice of microwaving the water, except in extreme circumstances.
  Edit: as a typical American, I've realized that I implicitly assumed OP is American, d'oh.
- Oh. I thought you were deodorizing the microwave
- Microwaved water for tea.
  This sounds so painfully long
  
  It takes less time than even an electric kettle.
- This gives me the same vibe as Andrew Tate boasting about not recycling the pizza box. Not scared, sad

In the US, there's a concern for salmonella or other bacteria and viruses. Factory egg farming is a horror show in regards to overcrowding and hygiene. Sick birds are crammed in with healthy laying birds, and washing the eggs is one of the safest ways to prevent contamination.
It does increase the permeability of the shell, decreasing shelf life and requiring refrigeration.
If your eggs looked like this in the USA, there's a small but non-zero chance that you'll shit yourself to death. Probably not, but it's scary enough.
We could improve factory farming regulations so it's not a like a Cronenberg movie, but then eggs would be more expensive. And even if we did, and stopped washing our eggs, Americans would still want them to look clean and would still keep them in the fridge because we've been conditioned to expect to die on the toilet covered in wet feces if we see bird poop on the eggs.
- Fwiw, the eggs wouldn't have to be more expensive, the eggs cost what the market will pay.
  The only change is that the people profiting from your poor food conditions will profit slightly less.
  This is a common lie they tell everyone.
  
  Just looked it up. Six shite-covered-but-perfectly-safe eggs
  €1.55
  
  They won't profit less, line must go up. They'd charge double the difference and blame immigrants and Obama.
- Keeping unwashed eggs in the fridge at home helps them last longer, as long as you don't leave them out to sweat.
  But yeah here in Sweden, we rarely ever get salmonella recalls since the chickens aren't strapped to a box here.
- If your eggs looked like this in the USA, there’s a small but non-zero chance that you’ll shit yourself to death. Probably not, but it’s scary enough.
  Unless you got it from your own chicken coop
  
  Right, but if you keep chickens for eggs, you already know all of this.
- Chickens are vaccinated against salmonella (and a bunch of other things) when they are chicks in Europe. It means you don't need to worry about shitting yourself to death, the chickens are slightly happier by not being sick, and your eggs stay fresher for longer.
  It would probably add $0.005 per egg, so US producers will claim it's communism if a regulation is brought in to vaccinate chicken, but it would be worth doing.
  
  You mean you put 5G tracking devices in your chickens?
  Really, though, getting poultry farmers to spend a penny per dozen eggs is like trying to squeeze water from a rock.
  
  Fuckin finally. The tryna high road the Europe and shit like they don't have poor chicken treatment situations too. Its all down to vaccination requirements. They the treatment of chickens cause both places have issues lol
  
  Refrigerating the eggs end to end costs money too, possibly more. I don't think it's about ongoing cost but rather upfront cost to switching.
- At what point do people not just think that maybe going vegan isn't that bad of an alternative
  
  But eggs are yummy. Baked goods, thickened sauces, omelettes and deviled eggs and egg salad, you can't really replace them with vegan alternatives. Aquafaba is pretty close for some of it, but people like their eggs and don't care about how much their food suffers before we eat it.
  
  Right around lunch time it starts looking less appealing
  
  It is way too challenging in my mind at least. I do one meat meal a week and veg the rest. All the fun stuff has milk and eggs in it.
  But hey you do it if it makes you happy.

can confirm, am shook
- I have a picture of my receipt for an incredibly reasonably-priced ECG scan I had the other day if you like? I think it was €9
  
  DOES NOT COMPUTE
  
  You pay for your ECGs?
  drops monocle

The biggest reason eggs are refrigerated in the US is because they're not vaccinated for salmonella, so refrigeration is needed to inhibit growth. The US was able to do that since they have the infrastructure for end to end refrigeration. It's not necessarily wrong, it's just another way to do it. Since salmonella can also be on the outside of the egg they need to be washed, and since they're refrigerated the loss of the protective layer doesn't matter. I guess in Europe with the vaccination it also lowers the chance of salmonella on the outside of the egg allowing the outside to remain unwashed and protective of the inside making refrigeration unnecessary. There's just not enough of a reason to change things in the us now since the refrigeration method is already in place and switching would cost more up front. The main downside is that you can't eat raw eggs in the US which means some dishes can't be made, but the vast majority of the US isn't interested in raw egg dishes anyways.
- People in the US eat raw eggs all the time. Salmonella outbreaks from eggs are almost unheard of.
  Also, washed or unwashed, eggs will keep longer in the fridge. And it makes for a less cluttered pantry. There's really zero reason for Europeans to be smug about this.
  
  There's really zero reason for Europeans to be smug about this.
  So I can see that you don't really understand the European mindset
  
  Yeah Ive lived in Europe and the US and raised chickens and have done it both ways. It's kinda nice having eggs that aren't covered in bird shit though.
  
  By that reasoning, washed or unwashed everything keeps longer in the freezer. And it makes for a less cluttered pantry AND fridge.
- There’s just not enough of a reason to change things in the us now since the refrigeration method is already in place and switching would cost more up front.
  Cutting on electricity and washing costs?
- The main downside is that you can’t eat raw eggs in the US
  You can buy pasteurized eggs, though they can be hard to find. You can also DIY them with a sous vide cooker.
  
  DIY as in like cook them?

There are tons of back yard chickens in the USA, even in many cities.
- I always wondered if selling eggs to your neighbors violates some us laws
  
  Why sell? Just give them free eggs!
  
  Likely not. There's some weird agricultural laws because of the great depression. You can mail raw vegetables through the USPS as long as they are addressed and have correct postage, for example.
- Yeah it’s a surprisingly big trend here. And the people I know with chickens are suburban families. They are not on farms and they do not have a ton of other pets. Just a dog or cat.
  
  People should realise they are at risk of exposure to higher levels of lead than recommended.
  The results of their study, published in Environmental Research in November 2018, found that 94 percent of backyard chicken owners regularly ate eggs. And nearly all the eggs sampled—98 percent of them—contained detectable concentrations of lead. The lead appeared to primarily come from dirt in the chickens’ coops, which is a finding consistent with the few other studies of urban chickens in New York, Belgium, and Australia.
  This is because lead in fuel was legal until just a few decades ago. This means that for 70+ years, any houses near roads will have lead contamination in the soil.
  
  We just moved out of the burbs and have ducks ordered for spring, mostly as pets, but also to eat their children.

Not Americans that are used to eating farm fresh eggs from the local farmers market. I lived in downtown Austin until recently and getting freshly picked produce from local and urban farms every Saturday was one of my favorite parts of my week.
- Hello I'm from the FBI and I'm on my way to disappear your local farmers thank you
  
  Pwease mista FBI guy, weave my farmews awone UwU
  
  Hello I’m from the FBI and I’m on my way to disappear your local farmers thank you
- Houston here, and same. There's a bunch of smaller ones. Some get invaded by folks selling store bought things but I dig heading to the farmer's market on weekends. All the meat I get is from small local farms as well.
  Not everyone has that luxury due to cost and location. I know exactly how lucky I am to have so many options nearby, to be able to afford the slightly higher prices, and to have the time to go when they're open.

This probably goes without saying to anyone who has chickens but a message to rest DO NOT WASH your eggs. It's the stupidest thing you can do. When you wash them you remove protective layer and they can't last long outside of refrigerator. Even in the fridge chances of getting Salmonella grows very fast.
- DO wash them shortly before eating, though – they come out the chicken's “universal back hole”.
  
  Boiling them kills everything harmful. So no point in washing them then.
  For anything containing raw egg, washing might not be enough.
  Most EU restaurants and cafeterias have a UV sterilizer before storing or handling the eggs: https://www.hendi.eu/en/egg-sterilizer-30-eggs-220462.html
  
  As someone who has been eating eggs out of our own production for several years now:
  I've never washed an egg. Ever. When we get eggs from our hens, we mark them with the date and they go into the fridge. When we want to eat them, we take them out and do whatever is required.
  We mainly consume eggs in boiled, fried and scrambled form, but also sometimes in a carbonara pasta, where they'll get heated but not cooked.
  None of us have ever gotten sick from consuming those eggs, in whichever form. We don't consume eggs that are significantly older than one month, but that's pretty much our only safeguard.
- If you must wash them, do it right before using them.
  
  Yes, this is okay.

My guy, I grew up on a chicken farm. This does not scare me.
- Well obviously if you're an actual chicken, it won't. How was your cage growing up?
  
  Ah, the good 'ole chicken tenderoo.
  
  🤣
  
  Why are people upvoting you, you aren't funny, it feels like a 13 year old got ahold of someone's account and is doing their first try at shitposting

I grew up raising chickens among other animals. Poop and feathers on eggs was the norm. This ‘50s processed white bread, white sugar, clean eggs, etc. that was the sign of “progress” I guess IMO has done more harm than good in some ways.

Am American living in the city with 8 chickens. The only scary thing is seeing eggs in the market go for $10/dozen
- I'd love to see this city that only has 8 chickens in it
  
  I don't know what you're doing, but the way you can turn a phrase around is remarkable. You've gotten a few chuckles outta me this morning.
  
  Hah my backyard.
- Only 10? They're $13 where i live
  
  And here I thought $2 was a bit too much.
- 10$/dozen? Where?
  
  Seattle area.
- Wow, that's crazy. It's €4.49/10 here tax included for the fancy free range, low volume farm ones from a not-cheap supermarket.
  
  3.2USD here for a dozen cage-free brown eggs!
  My folks’ chickens’ eggs have orange-r yolks tho.
- Farm fresh eggs here in Amish country go for $2/doz.
  
  Miss living near the Amish. They have these cute big families with so many children and agricultural stuff for low prices. I would love to convince them to somehow some way homestead in my city.
- Huh, they're like $2.19 a dozen for me.

But my fridge has a little spot just for the eggs. They look so cozy there. I actually don’t know where I’d keep something as fragile as eggs outside my fridge in the kitchen. Genuine question where do you keep your eggs safe? Do they often break?
- We don't need an eggs safe, fuck me they're not that valuable
  
  Well no. I’m Canada we keep the anlpha egg of the dozen in the egg safe. It’s not large enough for a full carton of eggs.
  
  It's not that those are valuable, it's that those are dangerous. Have you ever tried throwing one after getting it out of an egg safe where it was safely tucked away for the last decade?
- In the cardboard carton they come in.
- In a cupboard in their container? They don't spontaneously combust, as long as they're in the cardboard it's pretty hard to accidentally break them.
  
  I drop so much out of my cupboards resching for something else. I've dropped eggs before, and i would rather clean up a full sack of flour than half a dozen eggs.

Am american and this:
is what I have in my fridge right now. Rural living win.
- Would definitely lick those clean, 10/10
  
  Are you my dog?
- Wait, why fridge? I thought they last at room temp if they still have the chicken butt juice. Do they last longer cold?
  
  I still put farm fresh eggs in my fridge because it's just a lot more convenient to store eggs in the fridge than on my counter where I have more limited space
  
  Yeah I suppose I could store them at room temp, but I figure they last longer in the fridge and I'm not really hurting for space.
- OP, that's what it would've looked like. Your eggs been industrially washed. What a moron is that OP.

Ugh it came out the ass
- Unless I've been horribly misinformed, so does honey
  
  It's actually coming out of the cloaca. No idea about the chicken tho
- That's ridiculous, chickens don't have asses. When's the last time you went to KFC and ordered a bucket of wings, breasts, and asses?
  Sidenote: my phone thnks the word breasts must be changed to breaststroke every time.
  
  Silly every tgingat kfc is chicken asses.
  
  The asses are like the sub-dogfood grade meat at taco bell. You don't explicitly ask for it, but everyone just knows that's what they are getting.
- https://youtu.be/vgNS0dIbPUE?t=318
  
  Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
  https://piped.video/vgNS0dIbPUE?t=318
  Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
  I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
- But I eat ass for sport
  
  If eating ass was a sport I’d know about it.

And a pack of 10, not 12.
- In Spain it is also a dozen (12).
- what's wrong with a pack of 12?
  
  They use metric egg cartons, we use freedom cartons.
  
  It's comfortable for Americans but unheard of in many European countries. The point of this post is to make them uncomfortable.

Can confirm. We (in US) have chickens and whenever we gift eggs to people they're astounded that they don't need to be refrigerated but also sometimes horrified that they aren't washed.
Granted, I keep the eggs that get poopy for myself so they don't get tossed out by an overly cautious person. I just rinse them immediately before use if they're very dirty. Occasionally one of the hens will have an "accident" and lay an egg in the dirt outside or on the coop floor. Otherwise they look generally like the pic above.
I've yet to have a rotten egg and at times we've gotten behind by over a month... Still good, sitting on the counter for a month.
Fun info, I'm currently eating through some "water glassed" eggs that I stored in May of 2023. Still good.
- I have looked up "water glassed eggs" and while it does look interesting as a scientific experiment, I'm reasonably certain that you're a psychopath
  
  Hahah yeah water glassing is kind of a throwback that helps keep them even through temp variations. We did an experiment back when we had a homestead a few years ago, where we cleaned any nasties if there were any and then dipped the eggs in oil and kept them in a cool room.
  We came back every three months to try an egg. We ended the experiment at 2 years after which 25% of them began to float. The rest were still edible but the yolk wouldn't stay together when cracked.
  
  https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Centuryegg
  
  You'll hear no arguments from me : D
  More like curious psychopath, maybe

I know hardy har har such banter, but for real we also have unwashed eggs, and plenty of Americans have chicken's, I currently have 80 in my backyard and am overflowing with eggs on my countertops.
Your jokes will hit harder if they come from a place of reality and not only information gained from reddit and social media posts.
- There are Americans who own chickens and Americans who've never touched one. It's a big country. This post applies mostly to city folk.
  
  I live in a major American city maybe 4 miles from downtown and I have a farm with fresh eggs and produce a block from my house.
  
  This post applies mostly to city folk.
  The ones subsidizing the rest of the country. You think Cletus has health insurance while he cosplays as a farmer think his 600 dollar a month land tax is paying for his 4 kids in school? 9 out of 50 states pay federal taxes and those states all happen to have the biggest cities.
  But hey I get it. My parents were cosplay farmers as well. Here I am working like a schmuck for a living.
- I think that's a fair point. However in this case, as an American I personally know people here who are like this.
  A friend of mine will go to the store and buy more eggs because he refuses to eat the fresh eggs I keep on my counter.
  Edit: He also keeps an ice chest in his trunk to keep them in during the 20 minute drive from the store...
  
  Well, if you're buying them at a store in the US and storing at room temperature, your friend has a point. In Europe, they don't wash the eggs at the processing plant. This leaves a film of sorts on the egg that prevents bacteria from entering the egg. In the US, we wash the eggs in processing to get bacteria off the eggs. Both methods are done to prevent E-coli, but the caveat is the washed eggs need refrigeration because there is no film on the eggs.
  https://www.ksat.com/features/2024/01/24/why-eggs-need-to-be-refrigerated-in-us-but-not-europe/#:~:text=Processing%20eggs%20in%20Europe&text=One%2C%20various%20countries%20in%20Europe,of%20needing%20to%20be%20refrigerated.
- What, a shitpost didn't take every singe person who exists in America into consideration??!?!?!?? No way, that's awful, I can't believe OP would try and hurt you like that, wild they posted a public meme that didn't apply to you personally
  Also I believe you by your use of "chicken's". I grew up rural and many did not know how to pluralize things.

Imagine eating a bird's menstrual discharge.
- Imagine not knowing what mental discharge is and that chickens don't menstruate.
  
  do chickens have telekinesis?
  
  Unfertilized egg is homologous to a mammal's menstruation. Cope
- You don't have to eat a bird's one. Like that Emo Philips joke: my sister made some eggs, so we cooked them.

I don't really know if there are laws about not selling eggs like this. Are there? I understood the practice of washing and sterilizing eggs came about as a marketting thing, b/c Americans tend to buy based on superficial appearance, and washed eggs sold better.
Is egg-washing mandated?
- About 60 percent of the eggs sold in the United States come from processors who participate in USDA’s grading service, voluntarily paying to have their eggs graded so the eggs can display a “USDA Grade A” or “AA” shield on their cartons. The grade is based on qualities that can be observed in the shell, yolk, and egg white when the egg is inspected with lights and other specialized equipment. Specifics on egg-grading criteria can be found here.
  Egg processors who participate are required to spray-wash their eggs with warm water and use a sanitizing rinse and air-drying techniques specified by USDA’s Agricultural Marketing Service (AMS).
  https://tellus.ars.usda.gov/stories/articles/how-we-store-our-eggs-and-why
  FYI multiple studies have found that there is no safety benefit to washing. It just looks nicer, and people think it's safer.
  
  Thanks, that confirms my understanding, although I'm surprised the participation rate is as low as it is. That's really interesting, thanks!

Just out of curiosity, taking into account feed and care for the chickens, how much would you say each egg costs?
- we ~~raise~~ keep chickens. did the calculation a couple years ago (eggs/week / feed/week) and it was essentially break even, but I think the eggs are better (store bought eggs have super pale yolks). We feed them a mix of feed and kitchen scraps (trimmings of produce etc). Now its a good price from what I read in the news, but if you include labor, its probably not worth it or you would pay yourself next to nothing.
  
  And plus you've got fair-trade ethically-sourced cruelty-free local eggs. Those aren't cheap.
  
  But you get chickems! They are their own reward.
  
  Oh yeah, I consider myself unpaid labor so that's ok. XD Do you mean that you also sell the chickens? Or just that you raise them from chicks?

Hmm, this has me curious, I am in Australia at the moment, and the eggs here are unwashed and are kept outside of the fridge. However, they look as if they have been washed. Is there a special kind of rinse eggs go through here that doesn't remove the protective layer? Or are they doing something insane to the poor chooks to get eggs this clean? I rarely see any feathers, bits of muck, etc.
- Googling around it seems that they are heat treated for salmonella before delivery but it is still technically recommended to keep them in the fridge longer term in Australia. Just doesn't matter if you use them in a week or so.

- You knows those are good because of the way that they are.

Very common in more rural areas, I do this with my chickens' eggs too
- Or local coops. I get them like this (though with more shit) from friends' backyard chickens

Trust me bro, we dont care

Left there so long it's growing into a chicken

It doesn't scare us, we want this. I'd love to see you win vs the chicken industry. They would stomp your ass to the ground like they do to all the chickens!
- We don't eat the donkey eggs
  
  You're missing out. Donkey eggs are very high in vitamin A and D.

- Ew it came from the CLOACA

Am American. Used to have to get those eggs out from under the chickens who wanted to sit on them and get the shit pecked out of me before school everyday.
- Am American
  You could've shot the chickens first then, duh
  
  They're chicken, not fish. They obviously weren't in a school.

There's plenty of things to make fun of the US for, but this isn't one of them.
- Yeah I know it's tongue in cheek, but the mocking should really go the other way, haha. Look at our washed American eggs that scare the Europeans who are used to two orders of magnitude higher incidences of salmonella:
  "Overall, egg contamination from industrial systems has been reported to be 0.005% in the United States, 0.37% in Europe, and between 0.5% and 5.6% in China"
  -From https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10706720/#:~:text=The%20presence%20of%20Salmonella%20in,3%2C15%2C16%5D.
  
  That's not the number you're looking for with "industrial systems" they mean keeping hens in batteries and that's outlawed in the EU, has been since 2012 (though the actual phase-out took longer). So you're probably looking at maybe Serbian, Belorussian, and Albanian stats.
  Overall the study you've cited is not the right one to look at as they're comparing different methods of keeping chickens, it's not focussed on hashing out regional differences much less the wash vs. don't wash issue.

Why would this scare Americans? We can get farm fresh unwashed eggs here too.
- Most of us don’t and many of us are skeeved out by this. I recognize that it’s stupid and these eggs are fine, but it still makes me feel gaggy looking at them.
- It's a joke, ya numpty
  You know, like your healthcare system
  
  You sound jaded. Who hurt you?
  
  It's a bad one, you Dumpty.

Eggs are shelf stable? How long do they last on the counter?
- Unwashed eggs are shelf stable, they last for a few weeks at room temp. Washed eggs, like you'd get at an American grocery store, absolutely need to be refrigerated.
  
  What if you do the bad/good test with water in a bowl? Do you have to refrigerate them after? Or is that not "washing"?
- Two hundred and fifty years, give or take
- In the old ages there were a number of ways of preserving eggs for long periods of time. Lard was one of them, where they would put many eggs in a pot and fill it with lard. There was also a way with mixing lime with water and keeping eggs in that. They could have been kept edible for years, although I don't wish to hazard the guess on how the produce tasted. Townsends has a great video on the subject.
  
  Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
  Townsends
  Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
  I'm open-source; check me out at GitHub.
  
  Interesting. But I don't think this is what the guy was asking. XD

I still don’t get why you wouldn't still put those eggs on the refrigerator. They will stay fresher longer!
- Fresh eggs at room temp will stay good for 2 - 4 weeks at room temperature, 3-6 months refrigerated. If you need to refrigerate fresh eggs, you have too many chickens
  
  Eggs don’t instantly degrade from good to bad overnight. They slowly degrade with weakening membranes and what not. As I said, they stay freshER.
  I get unwashed eggs from a farm whenever I can. I still put my eggs in the fridge. And the yolks stay nice and unbroken when making eggs over easy, as I like them.
  
  I don't have chickens I buy them unwashed at the store, use a certain amount of them in the next two or three days because I planned for them, and then all bets are off for the left-over eggs.
  I'll get around to them eventually, never yet had to throw one away, but they keep longer in the fridge and they need a place to stay anyway so why not there.
  Oh and once they near their expiry date hard-boil them, that easily adds another month.
- They really don't. I've tried both ways.
  
  I don’t see how. In any case, I see zero advantage to NOT storing them in the fridge.

No matter how hard you try.
Bits of that unwashed shell are getting in your food.
- That's ok. Our chickens aren't half-dead, disease-ridden skeletons rotting in battery cages.
- You say that like crispy shites are a bad thing

Plenty of Americans have chickens in their backyard. ¯(ツ)/¯

Call crap on this as all eggs look to be same size.

I thought this was what unpasteurized meant

No. It doesn't.
- ...he typed, from underneath his bed
  
  Nope, wrong again.

I want my eggs washed because I deal with enough shit, literal and metaphorical, in my every day life, that I dont want to start my day off with it during breakfast.
- You don't have to eat the shit, you know
  
  I cant help it, reminds me so much of your mothers cooking.

ew!
- No, EU
  
  *yum!

Seems a bit dated - when was the last time you touched base with your Yank pals? Even in the cities now chicken cooping is extremely popular. Very common to have your own hens or have a work friend or neighbor hook you up with eggs from theirs these days. I think most people are now familiar with eggs that look like these.

They probably think they grow out of the ground rather than come from an animal.
- Yeah, there are no farms or individuals with chicken coops in the US, how could we possibly know where eggs come from?
  /s (In case it wasn't obvious)
- wait, they don't come from egg plants?

You can wash eggs at home (only) if you immediately use them afterwards.
- I keep dropping them in my rush from the sink to the stove.

Heads up, OP: these eggs have been industrially washed, sterilized, then someone took a feather and glued it on them. Look it up.
You ever wondered why you'd find at most one of them per box?
Basically, you're as big of an idiot as your portrait of an American grocery shopper, but you're also a naive hypocrite.
- Don't be silly. Those are not real eggs. Birds are not real and so aren't eggs.
  
  big farma has been lying to us all these years
- How do you know this? It's actually illegal to wash eggs in many countries, for the reasons outlined in the post.
  
  because if you'd ever seen unwashed eggs, you would immediately know.
- source?

I know right, why are we so uptight? Who wouldn't want their eggs covered in crusty vaginal residue and dirty feathers? THAT'S WHAT REALLY SEALS IN THE FLAVOR!!! 🤢🤢🤢🤮
- Most of us in Europe don't eat the shells, actually.
  Then again, who wouldn't want their eggs washed off with god knows what kind of chemicals that remove the natural protective membrane from the shells, so now you have to store the eggs in the fridge rather than just the shelf?
- Are you eating the shell?
  
  Never! I always crack eggs PERFECTLY so that it splits cleanly in half with no shards and the egg inside never touches the outside of the shell... 😰
- You have to lick your fingers after handling them like it's cheeto dust.
- I mean, you can just wash the egg before cooking with it, like you do with potatoes or other vegetables.
  I'm not overly bothered by the need to refrigerate my eggs, but also it wouldn't bother me to rinse crap off one more ingredient before cooking.